The Best Goodbye (Rosemary Beach, #13)(36)

“Don’t,” I said, my glare leveled on Brad. I didn’t say more. The need to hurt him was choking me.

His eyes went wide, and I could see the uncertainty and fear. I wanted that. He needed to f*cking fear me. I wasn’t a whole man. I was a broken, f*cked-up one, and he was getting too close to the one woman who owned me.

“Captain!” Addy’s voice snapped at me, but I didn’t look at her.

I kept my eyes locked on Brad until he nodded and dropped his attention to the food in front of him.

“Captain,” Addy said again, clearly annoyed.

I turned to look over her head at the wall. I couldn’t let her see my eyes right now. I knew the evil she’d see there. The evil that seeped through me.

“This isn’t OK.” She sounded furious now.

“Don’t let him near you” was all I said, before walking away.

If she didn’t understand why I’d done what I’d done earlier today, then I wasn’t sure she would ever get it. I had to go outside and calm down. There wasn’t a gym open at this time in this small town, and right now, I needed to hit something until I was too exhausted to stand up.

“Table five is unhappy with their steak, although it’s cooked to their requested temperature,” Jamieson said, hurrying toward me.

I didn’t give a rat’s ass if table five was unhappy. “Handle it. No time like the present to learn to deal with shit,” I said, with a snarl I couldn’t control, before heading outside.


Ten years ago

When I opened the door to Addy’s room, I froze. My breathing ceased. My heart stopped. I couldn’t move. It was late, and my mother was asleep across the house near my own bedroom. I had been waiting until I knew her sleeping medicine had kicked in before coming to Addy.

This wasn’t what I was expecting. In her dark room, with the moonlight shining down on her, Addy stood in front of me wearing nothing. Absolutely nothing. I needed to speak or breathe or something, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I was afraid I was asleep, and if I moved, I’d wake up, and this would be gone.

I’d thought about her like this. I knew she’d be beautiful, but never did I realize just how perfect she would be. She shivered, and that was enough to wake me from my trance so that I could at least get the door closed and locked. She was naked, and it wasn’t an accident.

“Hey,” she said softly, and my dick, which was already at attention, jerked. What was she doing?

“Hey,” I croaked, my eyes on her creamy, plump breasts, completely bared to me.

My eyes lowered to take in her flat stomach and the freckle just beside her belly button that I loved. Then I sucked in a breath as I lowered my gaze to see the small triangle of blond hair.

“Addy,” I whispered, as she continued to stand like that for me.

“Yes?” She sounded as affected by this as I was.

“You’re beautiful . . . perfect,” I said, in awe.

“I am?” She sounded unsure but hopeful.

God, had she never looked in the mirror? This was . . . shit, this was every fantasy I’d ever had. “Completely,” I assured her, tearing my eyes off her body to look at her face. She smiled shyly. “What’s going on, Addy?” I was afraid to hope.

“I want to . . . tonight. I’m ready.”

Fuck. OK. We’d been messing around a little at night while kissing, but I always ended it before it got painful. This was not what I expected from her. “Why? I mean, are you sure?” My eyes drifted back over her smooth skin that I so wanted to touch. That I wanted to feel move against mine.

“Because I love you, and I want to be as close to you as I can be,” she whispered.

I made a step toward her, and my hands trembled as I got closer. This was it. Tonight I’d have her in a way no one else ever would. She would become mine completely. We would know each other more deeply. Our connection was already unlike anything I’d ever experienced in my life, but this would make it unbreakable.

“Are you sure?” I asked, before I reached out to touch her bare hip.

“Yes,” she said, and I didn’t hesitate. I pulled her to me and claimed her mouth, while her body molded to mine. The sex I’d had in the backs of cars and other less appealing locations had been for release, because I was horny and they were willing and it felt good.

But this was different. I wanted to memorize every second. Every inch of her body. When I sank inside Addy, I would give her all of me that she didn’t already own. “I love you so much,” I said against her lips, as I moved us over to her bed.

“I love you, too,” she said, gazing up at me with all the trust in the world.

I’d never been with a virgin. “It will hurt you at first,” I told her, praying she wouldn’t back out now.

She smiled and ducked her head against my chest. “I know, but with your arms around me, it won’t matter. We’ll be as close as we can get. That’s what I want more than anything.”

My trembling was getting worse. The excitement, need, and desire inside for this one girl, mixed with how much I loved her, was almost too much.

“Take off your shirt, River. I want to feel you against me with nothing between us,” she said against my chest, then moved back just enough so I could do as she asked.

Her breasts moved up and down quickly as her breathing became more rapid. Her eyes were on my shirt, and I reached for it to pull it over my head. Her tight pink nipples teased me, and the idea of feeling them against my bare chest brought me dangerously close to coming in my jeans. This might be more than I could handle.