Surprise Delivery(64)

I know that Bri is right. It’s a given that the partners are going to find some way to force me out of my position and out of the firm entirely. I’m sure they all want to get a woman into my spot who’s more – pliable – with her morality and ethics than I am. I’m pretty certain that even if he’d been willing to stand up for me – which I really doubt – that even Preston would be overridden by the other partners, and I’d have to leave anyway.

Which means I need a plan.

“I’m really worried about you, hon,” she continues. “I mean, the bills are starting to pile up a bit.”

“I know and I’m sorry, Bri,” I say. “But I was barely making it as it was. To have my money cut down so much because of my maternity leave is putting me in a terrible position.”

“I know that,” she says gently. “And I’m not trying to be a bitch – I’m really not. I just can’t handle all of this on my own.”

I sigh, feeling my stomach start to churn. “I know, Bri. And I’m working on it. Please, believe me, I am.”

She nods. “I know you are. But I really think you need to touch base with Duncan, hon. You really need to tell him and start getting child support. I think it’ll help you out of this mess you’re in, Lex.”

“I know, I just – I’m afraid that with his –”

“That’s why I started contacting lawyers for you. People who specialize in this kind of thing,” she says, cutting me off. “I know how afraid of that you are, so I found some people I think can help you retain custody but start getting some child support for her.”

I’m not going to lie – having child support money coming in would be a godsend. Especially if the partners end up getting rid of me. Honestly, I really hadn’t thought about the cost of daycare, but now that Sabrina brought it up, I know she’s right. Daycare is expensive as hell and even back at my full salary at the firm, there is no way in hell I’d make it on my own.

I kick myself silently for not having thought about it sooner. How stupid can I be?

“I’ll call them,” I concede. “The lawyers.”

She nods. “That’s good. That’s a good first step,” she says. “The second step is telling Duncan that he’s a father.”

I laugh softly. “One thing at a time, huh?” I ask. “Let me get my ducks in a row with the lawyers first and then I’ll tell Duncan. I’d like to be on some sort of steady legal footing before I drop the bomb on him. I really don’t know what he’s going to do and that scares me.”

She nods again. “I understand that,” she tells me. “And you’re probably right. Better to take this one step at a time.”

“Definitely,” I reply. “I need to be able to think clearly and not overwhelm myself.”

“Fair enough.”

Aurora finishes feeding, so I give her a quick burping, then wrap her up in her blanket and lay her down on the couch. I feel like, in at least one way, I’ve been blessed. She’s a good baby. She doesn’t scream and cry all the time and generally seems pretty happy. She sleeps a lot, which is a good thing and doesn’t really fuss all that much.

I’ve heard so many horror stories about babies screaming, crying, and keeping parents up all night long, that I’ve honestly been expecting the worst. But Aurora has been amazing. Oh, she doesn’t sleep the whole night through, but she sleeps enough that I can usually get a decent amount of sleep. I’m not wandering around like a braindead zombie like I’ve seen some parents of newborns do.

“Do you have any sense of what Duncan’s going to say?” Bri asks. “I mean, what are his thoughts on children?”

I laugh ruefully. “I have no idea, Bri,” I shrug. “I mean, we spent one night together – part of one night, actually.”

“Yeah, but to hear you talk about it, you two shared an amazing connection.”

I nod. “It was an intense, solid connection,” I confirm. “I mean, I’ve never felt anything like it before and honestly, I can’t stop thinking about it. The night I ran into him on the street – the night Aurora was born – that connection felt every bit as strong and real as it did the night of the gala. But we never really got around to talking about our future and whether or not that future included kids.”

Sabrina nods, another expression of concern flitting across her face. I know she wants concrete answers and wants to know everything’s going to be okay. I know she needs the security of knowing I’m going to be able to pay my share of the rent next month and all. I get it. I really do. I’m just in a really screwed up position right now and can’t give her those assurances. I really have no idea what’s going to happen or what I’m going to do.

And that thought terrifies me far more than it terrifies Bri.

Yeah, the smart thing to do would be to tell Duncan sooner rather than later. It would be smart to tell him like, now, and get the child support payments coming in. But, as I look into my baby’s sweet little face, the fear of him taking her away from me is just too overwhelming. The idea of losing my precious baby is crippling me with fear.

Duncan is a good man. I believe that right down to my bones. On some levels, I don’t think he’d actually come after me to take Aurora away. On other levels though, I think he would also believe he alone could provide for Aurora better than me. That he could give her a better life and make sure she never went without for anything.