Surprise Delivery(59)

“I’m scared to tell him, Bri.”

She cocks her head again. “Why would you be scared?” she asks. “I mean, worst case scenario is that he’s not into being a dad. Okay, I get that. At least, I know him well enough to know that he’s a stand-up guy and will make sure you and his baby are well taken care of.”

“Or, it could go completely the other way,” I mumble.

“What do you mean?”

An icy fist of dread squeezes my heart as I consider the fear that’s been plaguing me. What scares me the most about it is that I don’t think it’s a fear that’s even all that irrational.

“With his money and resources – and I’m sure he’s got a very expensive lawyer on retainer – Duncan can take Aurora from me without breaking a sweat,” I say. “I have nothing, and he won’t have a hard time proving to a judge that he’s the better option to be a parent. He could take her from me, Bri. He could take her and never let me see her again.”

She pulls me into a gentle hug and strokes my hair, doing her best to soothe me.

“That’s not going to happen,” she soothes quietly. “He’s not that kind of man, Lexi. He’s a good guy. He would never deny you your rights as Aurora’s mother. Never. That much I know about him with absolute certainty.”

I shrug. “I wish I could believe that,” I sigh. “All I know is that I carried his child without telling him and when he finds out, he’s going to be pissed. Who wouldn’t be? I’m afraid that’ll make him vindictive.”

She shakes her head. “I really don’t think you have to worry about that, Lexi,” she tells me. “I’m telling you, he’s not like that.”

“People change,” I say – my first thought, of course, being Brad. “They’re not always who they say or pretend to be. And when it comes to the rich, they always win. Always. The rich have all of the rights and we poor have none.”

She falls silent and looks down at our hands. She’s still holding onto me and through that bond we share, I can almost feel the slight tremor of fear emanating from her. It’s subtle, but it’s there. On some level, she knows that I’m right.

Finally, she looks up at me. “Honestly, I don’t think that’s something you have to worry about with Duncan,” she repeats. “He’s a good man and he’s also crazy about you.”

The bigger part of me wants to believe both of those things are true – that he is a good man and that he’s crazy about me. My rational mind, though, tells me that while the former may yet still be true, the latter is most assuredly not.

Does he deserve to know he has a child walking this world? Of course. Am I going to tell him that he does? The jury is still out on that question.





Nineteen





Duncan





“You’re doing great, Miss Soto,” I say. “I’ll check in on you again later.”

“Thank you, Doctor Clyburne.”

I leave her room and head down the corridor, stopping at the nurse’s station to fill out a little paperwork before continuing on my rounds. I’ve had my privileges restored and have been back in the regular rotation for a few weeks now. It’s been helpful to get myself back into a normal routine.

I’m not a guy who does particularly well without a routine – especially not when there’s a lot going on inside my head. I need the order and structure a routine provides when I’m surrounded by chaos. It allows me to keep from obsessing on what’s going on around me and focus on what’s important.

I know myself well enough to know that the underlying issue is my need for control. I like to be in total control of myself and my surroundings. Some call me a control freak because of it, but it’s a trait common enough among people in high-pressure professions – doctors, lawyers, politicians, corporate CEO’s. I think that ability to hyper-focus on what we do – as well as maintain control not just of ourselves, but unexpected situations that arise – is a necessary trait to have if we hope to be effective in our positions.

“It’s good to have you back, Doctor Clyburne.”

I look up at Cindy, one of the ER nurses, who’s holding down the station for now. I give her a smile and a nod.

“Thanks, Cindy,” I say. “It’s good to be back.”

I turn my attention back to the paperwork in front of me. On some levels, yeah, it does feel good to be back. Most especially because Janet finally decided to name somebody else Chief of the One-Percent Unit – albeit reluctantly, from what I heard. That freed me up to return to the ER where I personally think I do the most good. I’m not political, and I’m not a big rah-rah fundraising guy – if there’s one thing I learned over in Syria, it’s that I’m much better in the chaos and pressure of emergency, life-and-death-type situations.

So, I’m glad she found somebody else who will happily fill that role. Janet wasn’t thrilled with having to approve my transfer back to the ER, but she didn’t really have much of a choice – she has a full staff and a Chief, which means that she has no need for me. But I’m glad she didn’t put up too much of a fuss about it, all the same. For me, practicing medicine, helping people, and saving lives is what’s most important to me. And I can do that better in the ER than in the One-Percent Unit.