Surprise Delivery(65)

And he’s not wrong. I know that with Duncan in her life, Aurora would have her every wish and whim granted. She would want for nothing if Duncan takes her away from me. I know that Duncan would take very, very good care of our little girl – or, at least, his nannies, tutors, and house staff would. I assume he’s got house staff, anyway. Isn’t that a rich person thing?

Losing her isn’t something I think I can bear. Having her taken from me would rip a hole in my heart and soul that could never be filled. Even though she’s only been a part of my world for a few weeks, she’s a part of me. Aurora is already thoroughly intertwined with my heart and losing her would utterly shatter and destroy me.

“Am I being selfish, Bri?”

“What do you mean?”

I sigh, not wanting to admit the truth, but really feeling like I should. “Losing Aurora would rip my heart right out of my chest,” I tell her. “It would kill me.”

“I can understand that,” she says.

“But, am I being more concerned with my feelings than I am with giving her the best life possible?” I ask. “I mean, I know that in Duncan’s care – in the care of his family – that she’d want for absolutely nothing. She would have an amazing life of privilege that I can never dream of giving her. The kind of life I only wish I could give her. So, is it selfish to worry about my own feelings in all of this?”

She sighs and twirls her hair around her finger. “Maybe a little,” she says slowly. “But you can’t totally discount your feelings, hon. You’re Aurora’s mother –”

“And as her mother, I need to be more focused on giving her the best life possible, while not worrying about my own feelings.”

“That’s not exactly true. Your feelings play a part in all this. They have to. Just because you’re a mother now, that doesn’t mean you cease to exist or that your own feelings aren’t important anymore,” she says. “And believe it or not, there is a balance that can be struck between providing for your baby and caring for yourself too.”

“Yeah maybe. I don’t know where that balance is though,” I admit as I gaze into Aurora’s angelic face. “I can’t even provide for myself right now.”

“You know, in an ideal world, you and Duncan will come together and raise Aurora as one family,” she tells me. “And you never know – if that connection is as strong as you say it is, you might be surprised what happens when you tell him.”

The laugh that erupts from my throat is bitter and cynical – born of hard-won experience in life. The sound of it seems to startle Aurora, who gives a small start and looks at me with wide, adorable eyes. She settles back down and closes her eyes after a minute though.

“This world is anything but ideal,” I sigh.

“True, but it still has the ability to surprise you every now and then.”

My best friend Sabrina, the eternal optimist. It’s one of the many things I love about her, to be honest. She’s the one who can always find the light in the dark, and the silver linings when I see nothing but doom and gloom. Yeah, in an ideal world, Duncan is going to want to be with me and raise our little girl together. As a family.

But this world is not ideal, and I rarely get what I want – which is one reason I’m so hesitant to tell him about Aurora until I’ve got a plan to fight him in court under my belt. I hope it’s a card I never have to play – I hope he’s the good man I believe him to be. But I want to be prepared for the possibility, just in case.

“There’s another problem we’re going to have to deal with, you know,” Sabrina adds.

“Of course, there is,” I sigh. “Because there always is.”

She nods. “Yeah, this one I’m thinking we’re going to need to deal with even sooner.”

“And what is that?”

“Brad,” she says simply.

I let out a breath and feel my heart sink. Yeah, that is a problem that needs a solution pretty damn quick. He calls me about a hundred times a day – literally. I ignore his calls, his text messages, and am really on the verge of blocking his number from my phone completely. The only reason I haven’t is because I know that will only guarantee that he shows up here, banging on the door. And that’s about the last thing I want or need right now.

“What has he done now?” I ask.

“He hasn’t done anything. Not really,” she replies. “But I’ve seen him now, a couple of times, just kind of hanging around outside our building. He tries to hide and blend in with the crowd, but I know it’s him. And honestly, it’s just kind of creepy the way he just stands out there watching the building, Lex. It’s really fucking creepy and I don’t exactly feel safe.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” I mutter.

And I don’t feel safe, either. There’s part of me that just expects him to burst into the apartment and either try to kill or kidnap me. The level of obsession he’s shown since the night I gave birth is disturbing on so many levels. But, there’s really nothing I can do.

“I’m not going to be able to get a restraining order,” I tell her. “As creepy as he’s being, he hasn’t technically done anything, which means they won’t serve him with papers.”

“Great,” she grouses. “So, we’re just going to have to put up with him lingering around outside from now on?”