Steam (Homecoming Hearts #4)(56)

Did he even want kids? Was what he was looking at a possibility for his future? Or was he doomed to keep throwing away relationship after relationship?

If he was losing touch with his past and had no idea where his future was going, what chance did he really have with the present?

He did his best to smile and waved the family off once they’d bought their mountain magnet. The kids called their goodbyes to Merlin, who strained against Trent holding him back by his collar. Finally, it was just him and his dad in the shop, alone.

“How was the wedding?” his dad asked.

He didn’t quite look at Trent over his smudged glasses. Instead, he rearranged the colorful cigarette lighters standing up in a cardboard display box. He wasn’t putting them in any order. Just swapping one random arrangement for another.

Of course he remembered it was Blake and Elion’s big day. He was always good like that, reminding Trent to get cards for his mom’s birthday and Mother’s Day. He was caring. But he still didn’t smile at Trent or show him any affection. He was still just as pissed as the day Trent had returned home.

Trent didn’t know what to do. He felt like he was about to reach a breaking point. Slowly, he approached the counter with Merlin surprisingly obedient by his feet.

“I don’t know how I can make this better,” Trent said. His throat was tight. “I know you’re mad I wasn’t there for you when…two years ago. But, Dad. What could I have done? She was gone in an instant.”

“You could have visited more than twice a year!” his dad snapped. He turned his blazing eyes to Trent and held his gaze unflinchingly. For such a small guy, he was suddenly shaking with rage that seemed to make him grow in stature. “You could have called more than every other month! You could have made sure your mom knew you loved her before she died.”

Trent stood staring at his dad, frozen. As much as his dad gave the impression of suddenly growing, Trent felt like he’d radically shrunk. He was a dumb little kid again with his head in the clouds, selfishly shunning hard work and a real career in pursuit of fame and fortune.

He wanted to argue that it wasn’t true. That his mom knew he loved her. But how could he really be sure?

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled thickly. “I – I can’t change the past. I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“So you ran away,” his dad said bitterly. “Big surprise. It’s what you always do.”

“Dad,” Trent ground out, a pleading tone to his voice. “I’m not running away now.” There was a pause while they stared at one another. “Can I come to your place later? We can talk.” Trent really wanted to try and do this somewhere they weren’t at continual risk of an audience.

“Talk about what?” his dad demanded. “Like you said. We can’t change the past.”

“About how we feel,” Trent said, trying to remember what Barry had told him. He had offered to fly a shrink down for both the Charles men. As much as Trent hated the idea of spilling his guts like that, he’d do it for certain if it made things better. But he knew his dad would never go for it, not in a million years. Real men handled their own problems. But if they couldn’t use a therapist, the best Trent could do would be to try and get them both to open up. Even if it was a can of worms.

His dad gritted his teeth in anger, though. Merlin pawed anxiously at Trent’s feet, gnawing at the laces on his boots.

“Trent,” his dad said, shaking his head and finally looking away. “I can’t help you with your guilt. I’m sorry.”

“So, what then?” Trent exploded. Merlin flinched away from him and Trent felt awful. “That’s it? You’re just not going to talk to me anymore? You’re done with me?”

“I’m not sure what we have left in common.” His dad’s voice broke as he spoke, tearing a ragged shred from Trent’s heart. He sounded so broken. “I needed you and you were too scared to come home. I don’t think there’s much we can repair of that now.”

Trent wanted to argue that he would have come home. But the longer they left it, the worse it got. Then his dad had let old Lancelot be put to sleep without telling Trent, and Trent had been so hurt and angry he had left the wound between them to fester. But standing there now, god damn it, he wanted to try.

Merlin suddenly yelped, jumping back to his feet and making both Trent and his dad visibly jerk. Growling and yelping, Merlin tore through the shop, taking out a tray of thimbles and scattering them noisily to the wooden floor.

“Oh, hello!” A familiar voice called from out in the hall where the puppy was sprinting off to.

Trent’s heart plummeted down into his boots. Great. If it didn’t rain, it poured.

Ashby looked immaculate as he stepped over the shop entrance threshold. His blond hair was swooped in that perfect way that made Trent’s stomach flip. He wore skinny jeans, a low V-neck shirt and a stone-gray cardigan that was so long it swished around his knees. He was as beautiful as ever and Trent felt his heart contract. What the fuck was he afraid of here?

But then Ashby looked up from petting Merlin and saw Trent was watching. His pale face lost what little color there was in his cheeks and his eyes went wide. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he stammered.

“No, it’s fine,” Trent said quickly. He half-reached out with his hand. “Don’t go.”