Sincerely, The Puck Bunny (Totally Pucked #2)(87)

Especially with my heart barely fucking beating the past few days.

“Don’t think I’m making excuses because I’m not. When this happened with Emery, Holland and I both had to own up to our shit, not just with each other, but with Emery. I’m saying that I think you should think about why she did what she did. I think that maybe she thought she was protecting you, and not that she was hurting you.”

His words are like a spark inside my head.

Fuck, he’s right.

My thoughts flit back to my brother. Beau deceived me, purposefully, having an affair with my fiancé. He did it not caring about the consequences, and he knew that it would hurt me. I’ve been so lost in my fucking head, that I’ve been comparing Maddison to Beau.

Beau made a conscious choice and I was collateral damage. Maddison became The Puck Bunny long before she even knew me, and while she hurt me, she did it without even fully knowing who I was, and she was afraid of deepening those already bleeding wounds the past had left behind.

“No one can make this decision but you. You need to sit back and think it all through, imagine life without her, and if that’s something that you feel like you want… then, so be it. But if you can’t imagine waking up without her next to you, well then, you know your answer. Think about the why, instead of the how. Maybe give her a chance… to explain things further. Either way, I’ll support you to the end, brother, you know this. All Holland and I both want is for you to be happy.”

For the rest of the night, all I can think about is my conversation with Reed. I think about my brother, and Conrad, and Olive, and Maddison.

I think about what the future holds, and who I am.

What this means for me.

My heart and my mind are in a constant battle, and only one would come out victorious.





Last night, I tossed and turned in the bed of Reed’s guest room until finally, around four a.m., I realized that I wasn’t going to be getting any sleeping tonight. Not when my head was this fucked up.

Not when I couldn’t turn off the constant racing thoughts, or the things playing out over and over on repeat.

I ran his neighborhood twice, and then got coffee and waited for eight a.m., when I was supposed to meet Maddison at home to see Olive. We chose home to meet since Olive’s things are there, and it’s her home. The clock seemed to tick by at a torturously slow pace. Each minute slower than the last. Finally, I got in my truck and drove the short distance home, the entire ride my stomach in fucking knots.

I hate this.

When I unlock the front door and walk in, Maddison and Olive are already inside. I can hear Olive’s babbling through the foyer.

The sound causes my stomach to lurch, twisting into even more knots. I miss her laugh and her baby babbles even though it’s only been a few days.

When I walk through the entryway, Maddison is holding Olive in her arms, playing with her stuffed bear on the couch.

The bear that Graham gave her the day she was born and the one she’s been attached to ever since.

Maddison looks about the same as I feel. Her blonde hair is pulled back out of her face that’s free of makeup, there are dark circles under her eyes, and she looks completely exhausted. When she sees me walk into the room, her eyes lift, catching mine, and I immediately see the tears welling.

Fuck, this is going to be even harder than I thought.

My chest aches at the sight of them; I so badly want to reach up and rub away the stiff ache forming.

“Hi,” she whispers quietly.

“Hi.”

She stands from the couch and clears her throat nervously. “I’m going to stay at Tyler and Kyle’s for a few days, so I’m going to go and pack a few things while you and Olive play.”

Her words pierce my heart, causing the ache to intensify. Yeah, this is fucking torture.

“You know that you and Olive do not have to go anywhere, Maddison. This is both yours and Olive’s home,” I say, keeping my words brief. I don’t trust myself to say anything else, not with the emotion in my throat, and the need to pull her into my arms and say fuck it.

I walk over and take Olive, holding her tightly to my chest, breathing in her baby scent. I’ve missed her so much; I never want to have to leave her again.

Knowing that I’ll have to walk back out that door without her…makes all of this so much worse.

“Briggs…” Maddison says, blinking away the tears, “I’m sorry. I just need you to know that, how sorry I am.”

“Thank you.” I say, looking back at Olive. I stroke her cheek and give her a kiss as Maddison heads up the stairs. I force myself not to watch her go and to focus on Olive instead. I needed my baby girl, even more than I realized. With her in my arms, I feel hope. After everything, I can’t talk to Maddison, not right now, not when I’m so fucking confused and angry and hurt.

I play with Olive for a few minutes when Maddison walks back downstairs, a suitcase in hand, along with a few things like Olive’s Bumbo seat and her pack and play.

"I’ll be staying at Reed’s, you and Olive don’t need to go anywhere,” I start to say once more, but she shakes her head, setting her things down on the landing of the stairs then swiping at the tears wetting her cheeks.

“I can’t, Briggs. I can’t be here right now, knowing things are like this between us. This is your home, and while I know you’d do anything for Olive, I just… I don’t feel right about staying here when this is all my fault. I don't’deserve your generosity. I don’t deserve kindness from you.” Her voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, so full of emotion that it almost wrecks me. “I’m sorry for what I did, and if I could take it back and do everything the right way, I would. I’m sorry that I hurt you, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t honest sooner. I’m just… I’m so sorry, Briggs.”