Sincerely, The Puck Bunny (Totally Pucked #2)(86)

My brother. Conrad.

Two people who I trusted with fucking everything, literally every aspect of my life, who betrayed me. And then I think about how far I’ve come in the past three years, and how even though I’m a better man, I still feel so goddamn angry that I’ve found myself in a situation like this again.

Lied to by someone I love.

Betrayed by the person I trusted.

I stopped being angry at Beau a long time ago. More like I accepted the fact that because of his lies, and his betrayal, that we’d never have a relationship again. One, because I had no desire to, and two, because I could never trust him again.

But, lately? It’s been easier to think about forgiving him for fucking up because, in the end, he did me a favor. He helped me, even if it was in a shitty way, to realize that I never really loved my ex. Not by a long shot. She was never who I was meant to be with and we had fooled ourselves into believing that what we had was real.

All Beau did was wake me up and force me to realize that I wasn’t happy, I was just… breathing and not really living.

It took falling from grace to realize how much more there is to life than partying and wasting my time with someone who was never meant for me.

He led me to Maddison and Olive.

And, well, Conrad… He’s just an asshole and letting him go was the best thing I ever did. I couldn’t have someone with such shitty morals and standards on my team, and even though I still want to punch him in the dick for what he did, I’m glad that what happened in the dark came out in the light.

But still, fuck him.

I couldn’t take another day away from Olive, so tomorrow morning, Maddison and I will be meeting up, so I can see her. I went to Reed’s to give us both the space we needed, even though she chose to stay with Ty and Kyle.

The truth is, I couldn’t imagine coming home to an empty house where every corner I turned reminded me of my girls.

My girls.

Olive will always be my girl, no matter what happens. She’s the reason that I wake up each morning and breathe. She's the reason I want to be a better man, to make her proud, to be the kind of dad that stands on the sidelines and cheers his baby girl on in whatever she decided to do. The kind of dad that stands by her side, no matter what.

I want to be better, better for her.

“Fuck, I just hate this man,” I say, “I feel… empty.”

Reed nods. “I know. Kinda feels like your heart is living outside your chest, huh?”

It does, and I hate it. I hate missing them, I hate being apart from them. It doesn’t feel right.

Even though I’m hurt and angry, I hate that I’m still so fucking in love with her that I can’t see straight.

My heart is at war with my mind, and I don’t know who’s winning.

“I think you just need to ask yourself, do you want to live without her? Is what happened something you can’t move on from, or forgive her? Is your life going to be better off without her? Look, I’m not excusing what she’s done, I’m not. But Briggs, can you put yourself in her shoes for a second and imagine what you'd do given the situation?”

Gritting my jaw, I look out the window as I mull over his words. Even in anger, I can’t imagine life without Maddison, not when she’s ingrained in my heart, somewhere completely out of reach.

“She’s the reason that, for the first time, I felt like home wasn’t a place, but a person,” I tell him, “But Reed, I’m so fucking angry. All she had to do was tell me. Be upfront, and granted, I get it… she hasn’t written about me since she realized who I was, and thank fuck for that, but how do I move on? How do I let go of what’s happened? How do I act like my trust isn’t shattered?” I say, jaw clenching with each word.

He sighs, long and hard, and turns farther toward me. “You know, Briggs, what I did…. lying to Emery, thinking that what I was doing was the right thing by not telling her about Holland and me, trying to protect her from the truth because we thought that it would hurt her. It’s not that much different from what Maddison’s done.”

He’s referring to the way he and Holland became a thing in the first place. Holland, being his sister Emery’s lifelong best friend, found out that Holland and Reed had been keeping their relationship a secret from her for months.

I lift a brow and start to speak, but he stops me. “Listen, I thought I was doing the right thing, fuck man, I believed with all of my heart that I was protecting both Emery and Holland, each in different ways by keeping the truth to myself, and in reality, all I did was fuck things up by not being honest from the start, but I didn’t realize that until it all blew up in my face, until I almost lost my girl, and I almost fucked up my relationship with my sister, who’s my best friend. I’m just saying, I can understand that she thought that by not telling you, she’d be sparing your feelings, not hurting you, not bringing up the past to break open old wounds. I’m not saying it’s right, and I’m not saying it’s what she should’ve done, at all, I’m just saying that after being in an impossible fucking situation, sometimes you do what you think is right in the moment, even if in the end, it isn’t.”

We sit together in silence after that for a few moments, each of us thinking about what he’s just said.

Reed’s my best friend, more like my brother, and I trust him with everything. He’s never once made me doubt his loyalty, and time and time again, he’s proven his friendship. Right now, I need and value his advice more than anything.