Shut Out (Bayard Hockey #1)(68)

Her eyes cloud. After a moment, she says, “What did you want to talk about?”

I close my eyes. I can’t do this now. “You know what I want to talk about. But…I can’t. I…I have to go…”

I dash into the bathroom and puke my guts up. Then I curl up on the bathroom floor and sob.





Chapter 25


Jacob


I couldn’t go home with Skylar for Thanksgiving. Things have been getting too serious between us. I can’t take on all her problems and stay focused on my own goals. Some time apart will be good, and when she gets back, I’ll let her know that maybe I don’t need a fake girlfriend around as much anymore. I don’t even know why she invited me. She knows we’re not real. Maybe she was just trying to be nice. We are friends. Friends who bang each other’s brains out any chance we get, mind you.

And I do care about her.

Christ. I care about her way too much. This can’t be happening now. I had my goals so clearly set out in front of me when I came to Bayard. This is all about making it into the NHL after I screwed up so badly last year. Fear squeezes my insides in a cold grip, that fear of not making it that I’ve had ever since then. Only now it’s even worse, because I’m not only afraid for me, I’m afraid for Skylar.

Fuck. I lean back in my chair and let my head fall back, my hands curling into fists.

I was curious to meet her family, the ones who’ve f*cked up Skylar’s view of herself. She thinks they’re not proud of her. I’m dying to find out if that can be true. If I went home with her and checked out the sitch, I’d be able to reassure her they really do love her and are proud of her.

And if they aren’t, I could kick their asses.

Metaphorically, of course.

I sigh. I’m never going to meet her family.

A heaviness settles in my gut.

The truth is, I’ve had a hard time concentrating on anything for the last week. Since that morning Ella stormed into Sky’s room, I’ve been worried sick about Sky. She says she’s okay, but I’m not so sure, considering how upset she was.

And she has every right to feel upset. I’m still furious about what that motherf*cker did to her. And then cowardly took his own life rather than face up to what he’d done.

And I’m pissed at Ella too. What kind of friend is she to unload all that onto Skylar and not even give her a chance to talk about it? She had no idea what happened. Hopefully Skylar and Ella have talked about it and now she does know and everything is okay, like Skylar said. Or as okay as they can be, given what happened with their friend.

Things are quiet on campus over the holiday weekend, but there are a few activities going on for those of us not going away. Thanksgiving is a big deal down here. We get a turkey dinner with all the trimmings at the dining hall. Turkey dinner is one of my favorite things ever—I especially love gravy. I missed Canadian Thanksgiving, which falls mid-October, and I might not be able to go home for Christmas because we’re playing in a big tournament in Florida right after that, and I’m not sure my parents have enough money for me to fly home.

Florida sounds awesome at Christmas. Right?

Sure.

I go over to Butch’s place to spend the day with him and Barks. While we’re watching football games, eating junk food, and drinking soda, I pick Butch’s brain about being drafted and still playing college hockey. He got drafted by the San Jose Sharks in the second round last year, but chose to come back to Bayard and play another year.

“Why’d you do that?” I ask curiously.

“I wasn’t ready for the NHL. I went to training camp but I knew I wasn’t going to make it. My advisor convinced me I’d be better off playing here one more year, working on my strength and skills.”

I nodded. “Who’s your advisor?”

“Jeff Hodges.” He grins. “Family friend.”

“Wow.” Jeff Hodges is a powerful agent who reps a lot of NHL players. As college students, we’re not allowed to have agents, but we can get informal advice about our careers. I met Jeff once and we had a good conversation. He’d be one of my top picks for an agent. “Great to have someone you trust giving you advice.”

“Yeah. So this summer I’ll go to training camp and we’ll see what happens, but I think I’ve improved in a bunch of areas this year.”

—

I make up for the junk food and soda by going for a long run, and then hitting the gym for a punishing workout. Then it’s back to classes and practices Monday.

Skylar is never really out of my mind. There was a pretty big snowstorm during the weekend and I wonder how she made out on her drive there and back. When did she get back? Did she get back? What’s she doing? Did she see her irritatingly perfect sister? Did she talk to her parents about changing her career plans? How did they take it?

I’m totally behind her on that idea, and if they gave her grief, I could’ve been there to help out.

No. Not. My. Problem.

Coach works us extra hard at Monday’s practice after a few days off. Despite having our asses kicked, everyone else is in a good mood after, I guess from all the turkey and gravy they ate.

“What’s your problem?” Buck punches my shoulder.

“Ow! Fuck off.” I glare at him. “What are you talking about?”