Shut Out (Bayard Hockey #1)(61)

“Well, I’ll tell you this…” I narrow my eyes at her. “He didn’t really love you.”

Her forehead creases and her lips part. “What?”

“A guy who loved you wouldn’t have forced you to have sex with him.”

She stares at me wordlessly and then her face changes and she gives a slow nod. “Oh my God. You’re right, Jacob.” Then the corners of her mouth droop again. “He was my friend.”

“You probably don’t want to think that the guy who was your friend was an *.”

She jerks her head up and down again.

“And you lost someone you care about, which sucks.” I blow out a breath. “Wow, baby. That’s a helluva lot to deal with.”

“Now I’ve lost Ella too.”

“You need to tell her what happened.”

“No!” She draws back, her mouth in a circle of horror. “I can’t tell her! I can never tell her.”

I stare at Skylar. I’m not sure what to say. To me it seems obvious.

“What good would it do? It will just ruin her memories of Brendan, and for what?”

“Um…so you two can be friends again?”

She stares across the bedroom, her eyes vacant. “If she blames me now, she’ll still blame me even if she knows what Brendan did. I blamed myself. I get it.” Her bottom lip quivers. “And if she blames me, then our friendship is over.”

She turns and buries her face in the side of my neck again. I just hold her because it’s all I can do. I have no words to make this right. Skylar’s in pain, and I’m feeling it too, my chest burning, and I can’t f*cking fix it and I hate that.

“I’m sorry.” Skylar mumbles the words into my neck.

“For what, baby?”

“For all this drama. This wasn’t part of the deal.”

I let her words sink in. She’s right. This is the last thing I need right now.

She glances toward her alarm clock and her eyes fly open wide. “Oh my God! I have to be at the diner by noon.”

It’s after eleven and we’re still in bed, naked. Skylar is scrambling out from the covers.

“You okay to go to work, baby?”

She makes a face. “I have to be. Shit. I’m a mess and…” She blows out a breath. “Shit.”

“What time do you work till?”

“Six.”

“Want me to drive you?”

“No. That’s okay.”

I slide out of bed too and look around for my clothes. I really need to take a leak, but I can’t walk across the hall naked here.

Skylar pulls out a pair of striped Hello Kitty boy shorts and steps into them. I grab my boxers and jeans from the chair where I tossed them last night and pull them on. I’d like to stay and watch her finish dressing but my bladder is protesting so I say, “Be right back,” and hurry to the bathroom. Ella’s door is still firmly closed, and I wince, remembering the earlier scene.

When I return to Skylar’s room, she’s already dressed in her hot waitress uniform with the tight pink dress and little apron. I set my hands on her waist. “Have I told you how sexy this outfit is?”

She gives me a wan smile. “No. One of your friends did, though.”

I smooch her lips.

She takes her turn in the bathroom, coming back with her hair brushed into a neat ponytail and wearing makeup that attempts to cover her swollen eyes. I’m worried about her. She’s calm but still distracted and visibly upset. She’s trying hard not to show it, but it’s obvious to me. I don’t have much choice but to leave her there, though.

I go to a drive-through and pick up a breakfast sandwich and a big coffee on my way home. I have a f*ck-ton of homework to do. Now that we’re into the season, it’s even more of a challenge to balance all the practices and workouts and classes and homework. Science may come easy to me, but that doesn’t mean there’s not a lot of work to do, with reading and assignments. And we have another game tonight, which means being at the arena early and then home late.

But I’m too distracted as I crack open my laptop and try to make sense of some notes. I keep thinking about what I heard—that Skylar’s best friend forced her to have sex with him. It makes my gut and chest burn with helpless fury. I have the awful thought that it’s good he’s not around, because if he were, I would kick his loser ass. Then shame washes through me because the guy was so messed up he took his own life, and that’s never right.

Stuff that I learned during the training sessions comes back to me too. Consent and intimate-partner violence. They weren’t intimate partners, but they were friends and Skylar trusted him. He betrayed that trust.

This makes it all seem so much more real.

And it also makes me think back to what happened at that party last spring.

I’ve been avoiding thinking about it, because I’d really rather not. But I keep thinking about going upstairs to the bedroom at that house with Ace and Crash, and Brittany. Brittany was a little drunk that night. I didn’t think she was that bad, but now, looking back, maybe she was drunker than I realized. She was all laughing and flirty and telling us she wanted a hat trick—meaning sex with three hockey players at the same time—and it all sounded hot to a bunch of horny young guys. Including me.