Shameless(22)

He chuckles. “With no history of abuse here, CPS doesn’t get involved. But I will need you to sign off on a full background check to ensure you don't have a criminal history." He pauses briefly. "You don't have a criminal background, do you?"

"Surprisingly, no."

He laughs again. "That's good. You'll need to hire a social worker—I have a few you can call. He or she will need to come to your house for an interview, but that’s pretty much the extent of the state’s inquiry into your suitability.”

“How many visits does the social worker make?” If I had to guess, I'd say a dozen. We're talking about handing the welfare of a child to someone named in a will. If Izzy were my baby, I'd want at least that many visits to make sure the person wasn't some closet drunk or dope fiend. Fuck me sideways. How will I deal with a dozen visits?

Sweat beads my brow, and I grip the phone and await his answer.

“Just once. The person will conduct an interview and walk through the house to make sure it's inhabitable. The rest of the process is pretty simple. I file a few documents. You come before the court and swear to take care of Isabella. You pay the fee—about seven hundred dollars—and that's it.” He lowers his voice. “We'll also need death certificates, but I'll handle that. Can you get me a copy of the baby's birth certificate?”

I mumble yes even though I have no clue. Maybe Katherine knows where Cal kept those records.

Closing my eyes, I wade through a dark tide of emotion. “How long does this process take?”

“Two to three months typically.”

Two to three months. Did I really expect to head home sooner with a child and a farm to look after?

When I get off the phone, I’m nauseous.

All this time I'd been thinking Cal was a delinquent for not coming back to Boston, but here he was, making out a will and taking care of his family.

A deep ache in my gut starts to spread as the realization of what all of this means.

My brother gave me Izzy. The farm. His life insurance policy. Everything.

He thinks I’d be a good parent? A single, twenty-six-year-old tattoo artist who rides a Harley and hasn’t a clue what the f*ck he’s doing with his life? What the hell was he thinking? Before this week, I’d never even held a baby.

I may have changed a diaper or two in the last twenty-four hours, but that doesn’t qualify me to be a parent or guardian or whatever this is.

A dozen scenarios race through my head. What am I supposed to do when Izzy gets sick and wants her mom to comfort her? Or when she wants her real parents to come to the open house at her school? Or when… Oh, Jesus. Someday she’ll date, and I’ll have to kill the poor * who thinks he’s getting his hands on that little angel.

I am not equipped for this.

All this time, I assumed I’d be bringing Izzy home to my parents after my dad got better. That was the only thing that gave me the confidence to think I could care for her while we were in Texas. Because I was handing her off to my parents who had already raised kids.

How do I tell them? Will this come as a relief or crush them?

Of course, I agreed to adopt her. How could I not?

The office door creeps open, and Izzy comes cruising in on some kind of baby walker on wheels.

“Hey, Bella, we need to let Uncle Brady work.” Katherine runs in behind my niece. “Sorry about that. She’s getting faster in this thing.” Katherine’s smiling until she gets a good look at me. “Are you… Are you okay?”

I shake my head, not even knowing where to begin.

Typically, this is something I’d discuss with my parents, but given that my father is heading into surgery tomorrow, I can’t.

Katherine frowns. “Wanna talk about it?” Hesitantly, she sits next to me on the couch.

There’s something about those big hazel eyes that makes me want to confide in her. She knew Cal and Melissa better than anyone.

So I unload on her. When I’m done, her eyes are wide. “Okay. Well, I know this isn’t what you were expecting, but I can’t say I’m surprised you’re getting custody of Bella.”

“What?” I rub my neck. “I don’t know how much my brother told you about me, but we’d been arguing over him being in Texas. For a while.”

“Sure, but he loved you, and even though you guys were pissed at each other, you’re the kinda guy who puts his family first. It’s why you’re here right now. It’s why you were upset with him in the first place. Because of your parents. So, see, deep down he knew there was no one better to take care of his baby girl than you.”

My eyes sting, and I blink several times, feeling overwhelmed. Dropping my head, I brace my elbows on my thighs.

We sit in silence, the only sound coming from Izzy as she scurries back and forth across the room in her walker.

“Did… Did he ever talk about me?” I hate how needy that sounds, but Kat gives me a warm smile.

“Of course he did.” She places her hand on my arm. “He said you were his hero. That there was no one he respected more.”

Fuck.

That’s when it hits me. How angry I’ve been at him. Not just for refusing to come back to Boston, but for dying. For leaving when everything was unresolved between us. For not giving me a chance to tell him how much I loved him and appreciated him as my brother.