Shameless(26)

“It’s okay.” I swallow and struggle to clear my throat. “It’s okay. This… was very thoughtful. Thank you.” Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I pull her in close and kiss her forehead. We stay like that for a moment. Just the three of us. Until I can breathe again.

We settle into the front row seats reserved for family, and Izzy reaches for Kat, who snuggles her close. A minister says a few words, but all I can see are my brother’s blue eyes staring back at me. He looks so happy. And I begrudged him this happiness.

I try to listen to the minister, but I can’t concentrate on anything but the two caskets on the dais. I study the mahogany finish. The polished handrails. The delicate carvings along the lids. It’s all so permanent.

I’m finally jarred when Izzy crawls into my lap, and Kat and I end up passing the baby back and forth.

An odd sensation comes over me when I watch Kat kiss Izzy. In different circumstances, she’d totally be the kind of girl I’d go for. She’s sweet and thoughtful. Funny and outgoing. The girl-next-door but also incredibly sexy without even trying.

I shake the thought from my head. Never gonna happen, man. You’re headed back to Boston.

The hollowness in my chest swells.

The minister talks, about what, I’m not sure. Finally, he motions toward me, and I realize he wants me to come up to the podium. I vaguely remember Katherine asking if I wanted to say something today. I thought I declined, but clearly, that’s not what the minister thinks.

Straightening my suit, I walk up.

Grateful the audience can’t see my white knuckles gripping the podium, I take a deep breath. My attention lands on Katherine. When our eyes meet and she nods slightly, the words spill out of me.

“I want to thank everyone for coming. My parents can’t be here today because of my father’s medical condition, but they extend their gratitude. They’ll be having a memorial service in Boston once my father has recovered, and I’ll be sure our friends and family back home know how many of you came to extend your condolences.”

I glance over at the photos. “Melissa, thank you for being a wonderful wife and mother. It’s clear from everything I’ve seen at your farm how dedicated you were to my brother and niece. I’m honored you were my sister and hope you know how loved you are. Half of South Texas showed up here today to honor your memory.” Heads nod in the audience. “I wish things had been different. I wish we had gotten to know each other, and you could explain why we have two pygmy goats and a baby raccoon.”

Everyone chuckles, and a sad smile tilts my lips as I loosen my grip on the podium.

“I also need to thank you all for welcoming my brother. He loved this place. Loved living here with Melissa and Isabella. I don’t know if you know this, but he basically dropped everything in Boston to move here and be with Mel.” I shrug, not sure if people will understand what I have to say but needing to say it anyway. “He and I didn’t see eye to eye on this, but the great thing about Cal is he didn’t need people’s approval to do what was right for him and his family, which is something I’ve come to admire about my brother.”

I rub my jaw, realizing I didn’t shave. “I, um, I let him down. For so many reasons. So I need to apologize to you, Cal, for being an ass”—I glance back toward his casket —“and not trying to see things from your perspective.” A sniffle in the front row catches my attention as Katherine wipes away tears. “What I didn’t understand is that when you find your own little slice of heaven on Earth, you do everything you can to preserve it. To protect it. To nurture it. The way you would your lavender fields.” Katherine’s eyes meet mine, and I swallow back the lump in my throat and look away.

“Brother, I hope you’ll forgive me. Please know that I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to make it up to you and caring for Isabella. She and I have agreed that she’s not dating before she’s thirty, so that should please you. And in case anyone has other ideas, I found your shotgun, so we’re all good.”

The audience laughs, and I try to get past the ache in my sternum so I can finish. “I’ll miss you, brother. Forever. And as long as I have breath in my lungs, I’ll love and care for your daughter.”

When I get back to my seat, Katherine is crying softly, and before I know what I’m doing, I’m pulling her and Izzy into my chest where Kat openly begins to sob. The baby crawls into my lap, and I hook my arm around her and hug her closer, vowing to do my best to take care of her. Her chubby little cheek drops to my shoulder, and it’s all I can do to keep from breaking down myself.





18





Katherine





When the service is over, Brady grabs my hand and tugs me alongside him. People hug us and cry, and I’m barely putting one foot in front of another. The cemetery is worse. So much worse. Brady holds Izzy and keeps a comforting arm around me the whole time, and even though my heart aches for the loss of my friends, a strange warmth comes over me when he grips me tighter.

I stare up at him as we walk to the truck, and when our eyes connect, the pain of today ebbs away just a little bit, making me wish I knew him in different circumstances. Because in another lifetime, in a parallel world—one where he doesn’t live on the other side of the country—I think he’s the kind of man I could love.