Shameless(18)

As we head into the hall, she pauses. “I’ll write down Bella’s schedule for you and create a list of all of her favorite things, so you’ll have a cheat sheet.”

I nod, grateful. Because I am so not f*cking prepared here.

In the nursery, she shows me how to put on the baby’s diaper, and after a little wrestling match, I finally get Izzy into her PJs.

I’m learning everything has a name in babyspeak. Onesie. Blankie. Binkie.

Binkie?

Yeah, that’s basically a portable nipple. Kids get all the cool stuff.

I kiss my niece’s chubby cheek and tug the zipper up on her Party In My Crib onesie. “This is nice, sweetheart, but I have a really cute onesie at home too.” Izzy laughs like she understands I’m being a goof.

Katherine smiles, looking like she’s ready to pass out.

“I can put Izzy to bed. Just tell me what I should do and you can knock out. I know you’re wiped.”

We were supposed to eat dinner together, but the girl looks like she’s barely standing.

She nibbles her plump bottom lip. “You don’t mind?”

“Not at all. I need to take over Izzy’s schedule, and it’s good of you to give me some time to get situated, but I can do more. Soon, I’ll have to handle baby duty without your help anyway.”

Those big hazel eyes widen. She nods, not looking excited like I thought she would. She looks… upset. Like she did in the kitchen when she offered to leave so she wouldn’t be a financial burden.

“Hey, that doesn’t mean Izzy doesn’t need you.”

Her eyes well with tears that she blinks away. Damn. I didn’t mean to upset her more. Clearing her throat, she nods again. “Sorry. I’m not usually so emotional. Of course you want to be able to take care of your niece on your own. For when you guys move home.”

I open my mouth, to say what, I don’t know, but she starts backing out of the room. “I’ll put her bottle to warm in the kitchen. Give it five minutes, shake it, test it on your wrist and then you can give it to her.”

I take a step toward her, but she shakes her head. “That Elmo blanket in the crib is her favorite. Wrap her in it as you rock her. She’ll be asleep in about fifteen minutes. Help yourself to the casserole.”

“Katherine…”

She offers me a sad smile. “I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

Then she walks out, and I feel like an ass. Again.





12





Katherine





You’re so stupid. So, so stupid.

Objectively, I know Brady and Isabella are moving back to Boston. No one needs to tell me this. He said as much in the kitchen this evening. And I can’t even begin to consider what that means for Mel’s farm.

But you’d think I was one hundred percent clueless because when he said he wanted to take care of the baby himself, a little piece of my heart died.

This is good, I tell myself, trying to keep a stiff upper lip. I need a reminder that I’m not family. I’m no one. Not everyone will treat you like Mel.

Shaking my head, I decide I won’t go down this road. I won’t feel sorry for myself. This is about Mel and Cal and the baby. Not me.

I’ll help Brady as much as I can while I figure out what to do next. I need a plan. A real one. I applied to a few positions a few weeks ago, but I honestly don’t care about them. Right now, it’s hard to care about anything but Isabella and getting through the funerals.

I can hear what my parents will say. Wasn’t that the whole point of going to Melissa’s months ago? You still haven’t figured out what you’re doing with your life?

It hurts to think I’m a disappointment to them. I was supposed to be a lawyer or doctor. You’d think I’d stabbed someone in the aorta when I told them I was majoring in marketing and PR. But they made so many sacrifices to send me to college so I wouldn’t have to struggle like they did. We were dirt poor when I was little, and when I say dirt, I mean we literally had dirt floors because the places we stayed at weren’t exactly built by code.

A part of me realizes it’s all in my head, that my parents would welcome me with open arms, but going home feels like defeat. Because I’ve crashed and burned hard, and I just don’t know how to get back up again.

Closing my eyes, I curl up under the covers on my twin bed. My legs ache from standing all day. I’d kill to be able to afford a massage right now. Living in Austin spoiled me. Working on the senator’s campaign spoiled me. Company cars and smartphones. Travel accounts and hotels. Thousand-thread count sheets and down pillows at the best hotels. Yes, people actually live like that. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it firsthand.

I never would’ve gotten that job without Eric. The thought burns me a little. He bought me the clothes and showed me how to act around the muckety-mucks.

But I left all of that behind. I’m back to my t-shirts from Target, and I’m okay with that. Because this feels honest. Everything here is real—Isabella, the farm, the animals. They don’t play games, and they won’t hurt me.

After a few minutes, sleep overpowers me, and I drift off.

In the middle of the night, I get up for a drink of water and peek into Bella’s room to check on her only to find the crib empty. Shivering as I head to the office, I’m relieved when I find her fast asleep on her uncle’s chest where she’s sprawled out with one hand gripping a fistful of his black hair and another one smack dab in the middle of his face. And they’re both snoring.