Saugatuck Summer (Saugatuck, #1)(46)

I whirled on him. “How about some human f*cking dignity, you piece of shit! Just because I knew all that doesn’t mean it’s not completely degrading to just be swept under the rug—or should I say, into the closet?—the second your real life shows up.” I growled and stalked away, muttering a rapid-fire rant to myself. “I should just start screwing women; at least they set aside a drawer for their sex toys when they want to keep them out of sight. Of course, they don’t actually offer to get their toys a room at a B&B, so maybe I should be flattered.”

“Oh, now you’re just being dramatic.” He had to jog to catch up.

“Well, duh! Hello! Drama queen here!”

“For Christ’s sake, Topher, will you slow down so I can talk to you?”

I dropped my voice a little; the boardwalk was crowded today. “I don’t know what you think we have to say to each other, but I’d really rather not.” The grass underneath my feet gave way to the weathered planks, each footstep making more noise.

“Topher. I want you to apply to State for next year. You can stay with me, and I could help with your tuition . . .”

I turned to stare at him incredulously. “Oh, so much for not risking your marriage. Brilliant. So now you want me to be your f*cking houseboy?”

Brenden shrugged uncomfortably. “You’re Morgan’s best friend. It wouldn’t be hard to sell it as an ‘honorary family member’ type of arrangement. Adele and Morgan would approve. No one would need to know about the rest of it.”

Wow. Talk about adding insult to injury. I let every ounce of bitter derision I could muster drip from my next words. “And what would my senior thesis be about? The texture of your bedroom ceiling? I imagine I’d be getting some good, long looks at it. That would be the price for this act of charity, yes?”

“Please, can you just stop being such a bitch for two f*cking minutes? Jesus.” He ran his hand through his hair, clenching his fingers near his scalp.

I gave him a scathing look and turned away again. “Fuck you. You’re not queer enough to call me a bitch.”

“Oh, what? So, because I’m not going to leave my wife for you, I don’t even qualify as bisexual?”

“You could, but you’re not.” The only thing that kept me from trying to outpace him again was the crowd and the fact that I was afraid someone would overhear.

“And just why is that?”

“Because to call a spineless, wishy-washy closet case like you ‘bi’ would be an insult to bifolk everywhere.” I shook my head in disgust. “You’re a f*cking stereotype, you know that? Bisexuals are fighting to get rid of the misperception of themselves as being greedy or on the fence, and here you are undoing all that.”

“Shit. Topher, come on!” He grabbed my biceps and I turned, looking at his hand with as much haughty disdain as I could manage.

The worst part was, he actually did sound genuinely distressed.

“I’ll give you what I can, but you can’t ask me to completely turn my life upside down for you. That would be selfish of both of us. If it were just me, it’d be one thing, but we’re talking about Morgan’s life, too. It wouldn’t be fair—”

“Let go of me right now or I swear I’ll shove your flabby white ass right in the f*cking lake,” I snarled. Shit. Now people were beginning to stare. “Let’s get one thing straight—pun fully intended. I’m not asking for a f*cking thing from you. I didn’t cut myself off from my family’s attempts to control me with money just to become your piece of ass with an allowance on the side. You had your chance to at least treat me with the respect due someone you actually care about, and you blew it. You don’t have anything I want. Go away.”

He sighed and dropped his hand, bowing his head. “I do care about you. I miss you, Topher. We can work something out. Just think about it, please?”

My eyes began to burn. Goddamn it. I blinked, trying to push back the urge to cry. “No. There’s nothing to think about. God knows I’m pretty much a black hole where self-respect is concerned, but I think I can manage at least this much. I wanted to think I was special enough for you to respect me, not just want me. But all you can do is make me hate myself, and what f*cking pisses me off the most is that you’re so goddamned self-absorbed, that thought never even occurred to you. That’s why there is no way this is happening.”

“You are special.” Jesus, I wish he’d stop using that tender tone, the one he’d used in bed on too many dark nights. The one that had sometimes made me think maybe he’d fallen a little bit in love with me. “I wish things were different, or that I could offer you more, but I can’t.”

“And you still think this is about what you can offer me! That’s why there’s nothing left to say.” My voice and throat were tight. “Thanks for letting me stay at your beach house this summer, but it’s time I found someplace of my own.”

He looked like he wanted to argue again, but finally his shoulders dropped in defeat. He reached for his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.

“Will you do me a favor? At least take this and use it for tuition.” He held out a personal check. “Re-enroll at GVSU or wherever you want to go. Just . . . call me sometime if you change your mind.”