Saugatuck Summer (Saugatuck, #1)(45)

“Well. There you have it.”

I wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that Robin was quickly becoming a sort of mentor-confidant for me. Geoff was a little more reserved, though he was kind. I didn’t know what to make of him, yet, either. He sat beside me, considerably less wasted than I was, nodding calm agreement to Robin’s assessment of the situation.

The fact was, Robin kind of had a point that I’d never had another gay friend, much less one who might be older and wiser. I’d hooked up with guys on campus, but never hung out with them. The only friend I’d ever had that I could turn to for relationship advice was Mo. Before her, the one person I’d had to talk to about my sexuality was my therapist, who really was no expert, even if she hadn’t been quite as bad as the guy I’d been seeing before I moved away from Flint. He’d spent my sixth-grade year trying to coax me out of my “confusion” about sexuality and gender.

“Yeah, you’re right. I know you’re right.” I sighed as Geoff refilled my glass, God bless him. “I guess I just thought better of him than that. I would have been fine with breaking it off. I was prepared for that. I mean, it would have sucked because if Mo finds out, it will ruin our friendship and I won’t even have anything worthwhile to show for it. But to hang around waiting for a married man to make up his mind? Even I know that’s a dead end.”

What really stung, though, was the fact that Brendan hadn’t been concerned enough for me to think of it from that perspective, to ask himself what he could offer that would make it worthwhile. And I didn’t mean materially—I didn’t want a single f*cking thing from him, materially—I meant emotionally. What could he put on the table that would make that sort of arrangement anything but damaging for me?

I’d known from the start that I wasn’t good for him, but he’d never bothered to ask himself if he was good for me.

That’s the part that made me want to curl up and cry. I’d thought we each had something the other needed. But from his perspective, it had been all about him from the beginning. All the trust I’d put in him, all the things I’d shared with him, and it was all about him.

When I was well and truly shit-faced, Geoff forced two Tylenol and a large glass of water down my throat, and they poured me onto their sofa with a pillow and blanket. They had a nice house with good furniture, so at least it was a comfortable sofa.

The room was doing that spinny thing it does when you’re drunk and it feels like the surface you’re lying on won’t stop moving. It actually took me a while to fall asleep because of that, and just as I was nodding off, a thought jerked me awake.

Even if Brendan decided not to tell Mo and his wife about the affair, how would I explain no longer staying at the house?

Digging for my phone, I quickly fumbled out an email.

Mo,

Too drunk to type much. Finally making some friends here in town. Might be hanging out with them a lot more in the next few weeks, staying at their place so I’m not underfoot all the time, so don’t freak if I’m not at the house when you get back. See you soon. <3





T


She would never buy it, but at least it would give Brendan a chance to figure out what he was going to tell her before she demanded a better explanation from me.

Setting the phone back on the floor, I finally passed out.



That Friday was the day before Mo and her mom were due to arrive for the week of the Fourth. At that point I’d been staying with Robin and Geoff for four days. Brendan had tried calling me a number of times, but I always ignored the calls, and deleted the messages without listening to them.

I’d worked this morning doing inventory at the art gallery, and now I had the afternoon to myself before heading to the tattoo parlor in the evening to help clean everything up. Feeling flush with my second paycheck deposited in my bank account, I treated myself to lunch and went for a walk around town. I was turning off Culver Street to pass through Coghlin Park, heading down to the boardwalk, when Brendan jogged up behind me.

“Hey. The guy you work for at the art gallery said you were out and about. I’m glad I found you.”

“Gee, that makes exactly one of us.” I didn’t bother looking at him. “Say, don’t you have a wife to go bone?”

“You knew I was married all along, Topher.” He sounded weary, as though I was being bothersome. Jackass.

“Yeah, I did. Trust me, I’m fully f*cking aware of my own stupidity.”

“You couldn’t have thought I’d break up my marriage for this.”

“You have no idea what I thought, because you never bothered to ask me.” I tried to throw as much scorn as I could into the glance I tossed over my shoulder at him. I also walked faster, trying to keep him behind me. I wanted him to have to trot to keep up, like I was too busy to stop for him. “Dirty little secrets apparently don’t get consulted on that sort of thing.”

He groaned, and it was gratifying to hear him puffing to keep up the pace. Guess all that easy living in academia had made him a bit soft.

“Okay, so if you didn’t think I was going to—I don’t know—leave my wife for you, or whatever, then what are you so pissed about? I’ve already risked way too much here as it is. If anyone finds out, my marriage is over and my daughter will probably never speak to me again. I went out on a limb to be with you. What do you want?”