Saugatuck Summer (Saugatuck, #1)(41)
“Yeah.” Robin nodded, murmuring to himself rather than me, answering his own question. “Estranged from your family, almost no friends because you’re from someplace where they don’t particularly welcome your skin color or orientation. Afraid to really open up to new people because somewhere along the way you learned just about everyone’s out to hurt you. You’re pretty much all alone, aren’t you?”
I stared at him wide-eyed, my breath coming quick and shallow, and tried to blink away the burning in my eyes and the tension in my throat. Fuck it all, why did I always have to wear my emotions on my sleeve? How did people suss me out so fast?
“That’s not really your business, is it?” I snapped, doing that going-on-the-offense thing I do when I panic. “I’m not sure what this has to do with me working for you.”
Bravado for the win.
He crossed his arms over his chest, and one corner of his mouth lifted. “You think you’re the only young gay man who’s ever been there?”
I scoffed, looking pointedly around the pretty, expensive art gallery perfectly suited to this well-heeled vacation town. “You’re doing okay for yourself.”
“Yeah, I am. I got f*cking lucky. Some of my friends didn’t, though, and they’re dead now. Killed by fag bashers, overdoses, or suicide. Infected with HIV they got peddling their asses on the streets. You don’t know me, Topher, and you don’t know what I’ve seen in the years it took me to become the man I am now. But I know you. You might be all alone, but you’re sure as f*ck not unique. And right now, I think I’m looking at you standing on life’s big old chess board, and you’re about two moves in any direction from being one of the ones who ends up in a bad place.”
I scowled. “What’s it to you, anyhow?”
Robin gave a negligent shrug. “Call it a pay-it-forward thing. See, I’ve been on chat with my husband every night for the last week, and he’s been telling me about this kid he hired on a whim and gut instinct to help us out. Sweet guy, funny, hard worker, polite, eager to learn, and scared as f*ck about something.”
I flinched. I couldn’t help it. “Oh, great, so while I’ve been working for him, Geoff has been taking notes and gossiping with you about me?”
Robin shook his head, still looking amused. “I love Geoff to death, but he and I both know that when someone’s in trouble, I’m the better guy to handle it, so he’s been waiting for me to get here.” He sighed. “Then of course, I meet you and I realize you’re the same guy in those paintings, and that young man in the paintings is a lot of things, but scared isn’t one of them. So I’m guessing whatever it is, it’s a recent thing. Maybe something going on right now. And I’m guessing you’ve never had a gay adult in your life—someone who’s seen a lot of what we face and the sorts of mistakes we make because of it, and knows how to navigate it all. At least, not one who went that extra step and took you in hand and said, you’re not alone.”
Fuck, f*ck, f*ck! I was not going to start bawling in front of this nosy, presumptuous *. I wasn’t.
So I blew up instead.
“Well, kum-ba-f*cking-yah!” I flung myself up from the table, beyond caring that I was pretty much torpedoing my only chance at employment. This chucklenuts had started it. “Great! I’m not alone. Except maybe I want to be alone, hmmm? Maybe I should be alone, didya think of that when you were looking in your crystal ball, Madame Sees-All-Knows-All? Maybe I’ve done something so monumentally f*cking stupid that the only possible outcome is for me to wind up alone because that’s exactly what I f*cking deserve.”
Of course, to my utter mortification, he looked amused. I half expected him to start golf clapping.
“Ooh, epic bitch fit! I give it five stars. Haven’t seen one that good in forever, and I live in a town full of queens, so that’s saying something. Now, if you’ve got that out of your system, sit your ass down and let’s talk.”
I groaned and sank back into my chair, dropping my forehead to the surface of the table. “I’m sorry.”
When I looked up again, he just shrugged at me, as if my tantrum had barely even registered. Or perhaps he’d been expecting it. “I’ve seen worse. I used to counsel LGBT street kids at a shelter. So, what’s this tragically idiotic thing you’ve done that’s going to leave you homeless and alone?”
A f*cking counselor. Great. It seemed to be my destiny to be surrounded by shrinks and social workers. My forehead hit the table again with a thud. Ow. The words left me in a rush.
“I’m-f*cking-the-married-closeted-father-of-my-only-close-friend-in-the-entire-world-and-his-wife-is-going-to-be-here-in-two-weeks.”
I heard the hiss as Robin sucked his breath in between his teeth. “Ouch.”
“Yeah.” I sighed, my forehead rubbing against the table as I nodded miserably. At least he didn’t try to deny the idiotic part.
“You know there’s absolutely no way that can end well.”
“Duh.”
“So what are you going to do?”
I shrugged, sitting up. I actually felt a little better, having confessed my secret to someone. It didn’t improve the situation, but at least someone knew and maybe even understood.
“Well, it can’t go on. Whether we confess or not, we need to stop. We’re just . . . dragging our feet doing it.”