Ruin:Part One(17)

He can't. He can't what. What the f*ck can't he do?


I want to jump to my feet and stop him. I should. I feel connected to him in ways I haven't felt with a man before. This is different. He's not the same as anyone I've ever known.

"I need to go. I'm sorry."

Parker. Those are Parker's words. He said those exact words to me as he packed up a suitcase and slammed it shut with a loud finality before he ran out of my life and into the night.

"Go," I say without thought. The words come from inside of me. "Just go."

I won't get on my knees and beg for a man to stay again. I won't sacrifice myself for a brief reprieve from the pain. He's leaving. I'll let him. Whatever this was, it's over now too.





Chapter 13




"Alexa says you're thinking about going for your master's degree."

I turn to stare at him in the doorway of the bedroom. He's wearing jeans that are slung low on his hips and a t-shirt. The tattoos that cover his arms are a bright contrast to the stark white of the shirt.

"It's a thought." I smile at him. "If I stay at my job for six months they offer some incentives for school."

Noah nods and a small grin pulls at the corner of his mouth. "Alexa is really proud of you. I am too."

It's a compliment I couldn't have seen coming. I came over in the middle of the day with the hope that I'd avoid them both. I'm still struggling with what to do. Ben has texted me repeatedly all week asking for my forgiveness, wanting to talk to me. I've thrown myself full force into my work and a plan to grab the future I want, without a man attached to it. Pursuing my master's degree was all I spoke about with Alexa when we had lunch two days ago. It wasn't only to get her opinion on my new plan to reclaim my life. It was to avoid bringing up the subject of Ben. A small part of me was still hoping, beyond hope, that he'd reach out to Noah.

"Do you need me to help you carry the rest of your things?" He nods towards the small cardboard box I'd packed full with the rest of my clothes.

"I can handle it." I arch my arm to show him my non-existent bicep muscle. "I may not have guns like you but I can get the job done."

"Guns?" He mirrors my pose and it's impressive. His body is almost identical in size and stature to his brothers.

"Can I talk to you about something, Noah?" It's hard for me to find the words from within but this may be my chance to gain a better understanding of Ben's reluctance to reach out.

"Anything." He pulls on the fabric of his jeans, giving him more room to sit on the edge of the bed.

I'm standing directly across from him. "It's about your brother."

His head pops up, the scar that transverses his cheek moves slightly as his jaw tenses. "Was Alexa talking about him again?"

"No." My hands tighten together in a knotted mess. "She hasn't brought it up at all."

I can't tell whether he believes me or if the words are being construed as my trying to protect my best friend. "Why are you asking then?" he asks in a low growl.

He's intimidating. The tattoos and scar make him appear more menacing than he is. I've heard about the kindness in his heart from Lex. I've seen the way he treats her. He loves her more than anything.

I scratch my neck. "It's just that. Well, I..." I stammer.

"I don't like talking about him."

I pinch my lips together before I race my tongue over the bottom one. "I met him, Noah."

His hand reaches for the edge of the bed. He grabs hold of it and it's hard to tell if he's steadying himself against the wall of emotions that have hit him full force or if he's questioning whether he heard me correctly. "You met Ben?"

I'd imagined that moment when Ben's name would come out of Noah. Alexa has never offered his name when she speaks about him and I've always assumed it's because she doesn’t know it. He's only ever been Noah's twin brother when she's discussed him with me. "Yes."

His eyes meet mine. "When?"

This is the point when I have to decide if I'll tell him about the first night. I'm ashamed that I crawled into the bed of a man I just met. I'm confused that the man turned out to be his brother. A brother who obviously caused him immeasurable pain based on his reaction to my confession now.

"Christ, Kayla." He jumps to his feet, his large frame looming over me. "Did you meet him at the hospital? It wasn't when you fell and cracked your forehead a couple of weeks ago, was it?"

I rub the wound on my head. It's almost healed completely now. The only lingering reminder is dull flashes of pain from time-to-time. "He helped me that night."

He runs his hands over his face. "I knew this would happen eventually."

"What?"

"That someone would end up in the ER and see him there. Have you told Alexa?" His hands jump to my shoulders.

I shake my head slowly. "I wouldn't do that. I wanted to tell you first."

He nods before he pulls me into an unexpected embrace. "Don't talk to her about him. She'll go down to the hospital and find him. That can't happen."

I pull back to look at his face. "Why not?"