Ruin:Part One(16)

The 'this' I'm referring to isn't singular. It's not solely about the fact that I'm sleeping with Ben. It's not exclusively centered on my knowledge of who Noah's brother is and the fact that he lives only a few blocks from them. It's the entire f*cked up scenario. I just had amazing sex with Noah Foster's twin brother. I ache inside to be near him when I'm not. I'm falling for him and whether that's my heart's way of masking the pain of Parker's rejection or it's genuine and is coming from a place of purity, it's my truth. My life is f*cked up. My heart is twisting about in my chest and the only person I can talk to it about is the man at the center of my emotional hurricane.

"It won't be much longer." It's a classic technique meant to stall me. He doesn’t offer anything to back it up. His eyes dart to the screen of his smartphone again.

Ultimatums have no place in the bedroom unless I've been denied an orgasm. In that case I'll use them to my full advantage, but now, with my mind in such a tortured place, I'm going to pull one out and shoot it at him.

"If you don't talk to Noah soon about us, I will." There's not a drop of hesitation in the words. There can't be. I'm serious.

He drops his phone on the dresser before walking to stand next to the bed. "It's not as cut and dry as that, Kayla. He believes things about me that aren't true. He'll turn you against me."

"He can't." My voice is insistent. "There's nothing that Noah can tell me that will change what I'm feeling."

"What are you feeling?" His hand scrubs the back of his neck. The nervous energy that surrounds him is palpable.

"I like you," I offer.

He pinches his fingers together on the bridge of his nose. "I like you too, Kayla. I really like you."

I smile at the confession. "I'd like to see you more often."

"I want to see you every day," he says in a low voice. "I actually want to see you every moment of every day. I wish that I could."



"It's so strange that I met your family before I met you. Do you talk to your father?" I throw the question out as bait. I want to show him that I'm already connected to his family in a roundabout way. Smoothing over the issues between him and Noah is inevitable, given the budding connection between us. Alexa is an integral part of my life, just as I'm an integral part of hers.

"My father?" He parrots back with a furrowed brow. "Do you know my father?"

"I've met him." Once. It was a few months ago at Noah's thirtieth birthday party. His father was brilliant, bold and very charismatic. I remember thinking that if my mother was single; Ron Foster would be the perfect fit for her. Now, the thought borders on uncomfortable.

"When? Where?" The questions rush out on top of one another.

"On Noah's birthday," I begin. "Wait. That was your birthday too."

He closes his eyes. A heavy breath draws his muscular chest up. "My father and Noah have a special bond."

It's an opening to something more. "What do you mean?" I inch sideways on the bed. It's a silent invitation for Ben to sit next to me. He doesn't move.

He teeters back on his heel. "He's closer to Noah than he is to me."

I'm getting nowhere. We're traveling in a circle that keeps leading us back to exactly the same place. "Ben, I've never had issues with my family." I haven't. When I was younger the disagreements were brief and forgotten easily.

"You're lucky."

"I know," I offer. "Alexa is part of my family though. She's like a sister to me."

He sits on the edge of the bed now, his thigh moving quickly up and down as his foot taps the floor. His cock dangles there, adrift in the space between his legs. "You're asking a lot of me."

The words sting even if their intention was something softer. He's going to turn this on me. He's going to tell me I'm pushing him into something he's not ready for. I hear it. I hear it beneath the rhythmic strumming of his heel against the hardwood floor. I see it in his shoulders, the way they're set forward and tense.

"I'm not. I'm telling you that if we continue to see each other I can't hide who you are from them. I'm asking you to talk to him and explain our relationship."

"What if I don't?" It's a challenge. His eyes don't engage me at all. He's staring straight ahead. I doubt he's focused on anything but the next words that will leave my lips.

"I'll talk to Alexa. She'll tell him."

He lets out a heavy sigh. His head drops to his hands. "This is so f*cked up."

I reach for him, as much to quell the anxiety I see in his stance as to quiet my own shaking heart. I feel trapped in the middle of a family feud when I should be watching it from the sidelines. This is Alexa's family. These men make up the fabric of her future children's history. They are both a part of who her family will become. I didn't want this. No one would ask to be part of this willingly.

He recoils the instant my fingers brush against his knee. He's on his feet, his hands reaching wildly for his clothing. His boxer briefs are on in a flash. The pants he was wearing when he arrived are pulled back on and buttoned in haste. The shirt that he slung over the back of a wooden chair in the corner is now over his shoulders. "I can't…"