Ruby Shadows (Born to Darkness #3)(48)

I nodded reluctantly. “Well, yes I guess.”

His words pretty much summed up every attempt at self-pleasure I’d ever made. It just made me feel so guilty…so dirty and wrong knowing I was doing something that would be frowned on and that could get me into serious trouble.

“And so you put it from your mind…try to forget about it…deny it,” Laish said.

I nodded again.

“Grams always says thinking leads to talking and talking leads to doing and doing leads to trouble,” I murmured. “So I try not to think about it much or…or need it. But sometimes…sometimes I just get so…so…”

“So hungry,” Laish finished for me and there was a soft intensity in his voice that made me look up at him again. His eyes were burning as he stroked my cheek. “There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself a little pleasure now and then, Gwendolyn. But I think it is very hard for you to believe that after the upbringing you have had.”

“Grams brought me up just fine,” I snapped. “She did a great job and it was really hard on her after my mom died.”

“No one disputes that,” Laish murmured. “But let us stop talking about her for a moment. Let us put her from the room, as it were and concentrate on you.”

I bit my lip.

“All right—concentrate all you want. Do whatever you want. But I don’t think anything’s going to come of it.”


He frowned.

“Of course not, if you’re determined it won’t. All I’m asking you, Gwendolyn, is to try and open yourself to the experience…to open yourself to pleasure, just a little bit. Let yourself enjoy touching and being touched…let yourself give in to being close to me.”

He gathered me into his arms again, pulling me close to his big, muscular body. At first I stiffened against him, unsure of what was coming next. But Laish just held me, stroking my back soothingly, until at last, I began to relax.

It really was nice being held in his arms, I reflected as I allowed myself to settle more fully against him. True, it was still embarrassing being naked but it helped that he seemed to like the way I looked so much. Also, I found his warm cinnamon and dark spice sent deliciously soothing. The hard planes of his chest were surprisingly comfortable and despite my nudity and the fact that we were supposed to “sin” together tonight at some point, I felt more at ease with him now than I ever had.

I examined my feelings, wondering why that was. Did I trust him more now, because of the way he had saved me from the devilkin venom? Or was it the way he had held me so gently in the tub and then sucked my nipples, watching my reaction as he pleasured me with his mouth? Remembering that made me feel hot and bothered and I started to push the feeling away…then I stopped.

How often had I done that to myself? How often had I denied my feelings, quenched my desire, hidden my sexual need or pretended it didn’t exist at all? Though a little voice in my head was telling me it was necessary to deny my desire in order to keep me safe, another, stronger voice was saying something else.

It’s not fair. Not fair! Why should every other woman in the world get to have sexual feelings and pleasure and not me? Why—just because I’m a witch? Because that’s what I’ve been taught—to wait until the right man comes along? But what if he never comes? Or what if I’m so used to turning off my sex drive when I finally find him I can’t turn it back on again? What then?

Suddenly I wanted with my entire being to give in to the warm, sexual need I felt pooling in my belly. When Laish’s big, warm hand caressed my shoulder and side and hip, it made me want to press closer to him. When he cupped my ass, I shivered with desire, wanting more…so much more.

“And you can have more, mon ange,” he murmured in my ear, startling me. Had I spoken my wish aloud? Or had he somehow plucked it out of my head?

“Laish?” I whispered uncertainly, looking up at him.

“You can have as much or as little as you like.” He stroked my cheek. “Would you like to have pleasure tonight, Gwendolyn?”

I opened my mouth, not sure what was going to come out. Danger! shouted a little voice in my head but I was tired of listening to that voice.

“Yes,” I heard myself say. “Yes, I want to have pleasure. I want…I want to come.”

“Very well.” He gave me a slow smile. “Then I will help you. Come…let’s begin.”



Chapter Sixteen

Gwendolyn





“First let us get into a better position.”

Laish sat up and propped a pillow against the broad, padded headboard. Then he leaned back against it and patted the space between his spread thighs. “Come, Gwendolyn—sit with me.”

I had no doubts that Laish could help me finally overcome the barrier that stood between me and any kind of personal pleasure. After all, he was a demon of lust—if he couldn’t help me, no one could. So it was with perfect confidence as well as a large dose of embarrassment that I did as he said.

I still felt incredibly bare but I had stopped trying to cover myself—what was the point, after all? He had seen me already and from the way he was still looking at me with half-lidded eyes, it was clear he liked the view. Boldly, I got on my hands and knees and crawled over to him, sinuous as a cat. I was very aware of the way my breasts were hanging down and swaying gently with each motion as well as the way his deep red eyes watched me hungrily.