Rodeo Christmas at Evergreen Ranch (Gold Valley #13)(34)

“There’s no dealing with it,” Jake said, actively trying to ignore the memories that had been pressing in on him all night. “It’s shit. It’s shit and it just sits there. It doesn’t go away.”

“I guess so.”

“Do you actually like Christmas?”

Colt laughed. “I don’t know. It’s a thing we do. Anyway, it’s better than sitting around being drunk alone.”

“Is it?”

“I don’t like being drunk by myself,” Colt said. “There has to at least be a naked woman.”

“Yeah. Fair.”

It had been too long since Jake had seen a naked woman. Maybe that was his problem. He was fixating on Callie because he was attracted to her. Because it was a preexisting situation, and on top of that he was in a bit of a dry spell since he’d left the rodeo and bought this ranch. Normally, he had a pretty steady stream of women throwing themselves at him, and here you have to go out and look for one. And it was entirely possible he would’ve gone to high school with her, and that did not appeal.

“What?” Colt asked.

“I was just thinking that coming home again has been detrimental to my sex life.”

“Another reason I’ll probably never come home, then,” Colt said.

“Well, definitely something to keep in mind.”

His brother leaned forward on the railing and looked out into the darkness. Jake followed suit.

“Do you ever wish that you got in on the ranch? Dad was the one who worked it.”

“And Ryder was the one who kept us together. He worked the ranch all those years. We left it behind.”

“But do you ever wish this was your place?”

“No,” he said. He pushed away from the edge of the porch. “I don’t want to live in a mausoleum. And that’s what it amounts to, to me. A tomb for all of our great childhood memories.”

“Yeah, that’s what I think, too. But I wondered if you did. And we’ve never talked about it. You know, we don’t really talk about much of anything. None of us do. I mean, Ryder’s had Sammy all this time, so I think he’s always shared with her. The girls have each other. Logan used to be our friend, but I feel like he sort of lumped in with Ryder in the end, probably because he was afraid he’d get kicked out since he wasn’t family. And then... Whatever the hell with him and Rose. They all have someone, and we don’t. We don’t talk.” Colt paused for a moment. “Why did you really come back?”

Jake looked back toward the house, his chest getting tight. “I think you know why.”

“You didn’t do a very good job getting away from her.”

“No. If I were someone else I might take it as a sign.”

“Oh, no, not you. You think everything is bullshit.”

He nodded. “Especially signs. The universe doesn’t give a damn, Colt. Not a single damn. We’re on our own.” The words scraped heavy past his throat.

“I don’t think that,” Colt said.

“No? You still think there’s some kind of greater purpose?”

“I have to. I wouldn’t get out of bed, then.”

“I think it’s even worse to think that. If someone’s in charge... They’ve made some pretty big mistakes.”

And with that, he left his brother standing out on the porch, and went back to join the party. Because sometimes the less said, the better. And he’d already said too much. Already dug down deeper into things than he wanted to.

And his hand still burned.





CHAPTER NINE


CALLIE WAS NERVOUS about Christmas at her parents’ ranch. To top it all off, she couldn’t sleep.

She was practically hog-tied by her sheets, from all the twisting and turning she’d been doing, trying to find a comfortable spot. Trying to get herself settled down, and she just flat-out couldn’t.

What had happened at Hope Springs Ranch kept on playing in her head in a loop. The present he’d gotten her. The way she’d felt when he’d given it to her.

Understood. Seen.

And then... Then he’d gotten up and left.

And she’d touched his hand, and something had happened when he’d looked at her.

She felt changed by it. Not so much that it was decisive. No, nothing quite that helpful. She was a little bit the same, and a little bit different. Like he was a little bit her friend, but a little bit a stranger.

Or her husband.

It had made her want to cry. She didn’t know why. She didn’t like it. She didn’t like her body doing unfamiliar things. Her body was a tool that she used, one that she often had to fight against to do her rodeo events. Honing it into something fiercer, something harder, than it was born to be was a point of pride for her. Pushing herself past her limits. But she felt everything in her go soft when she touched him. When he looked at her. And she just didn’t like it. Not one bit.

So she got out of bed and got dressed again. Hoped to leave her tangled thoughts behind with the bedsheets.

She tacked up one of the horses and started riding. She ran a barrel racing routine without the barrels until her face was freezing and her nose was running.

When she’d been in her cast, she’d been limited, and she had hated it. She had no limits. Not now.