Rodeo Christmas at Evergreen Ranch (Gold Valley #13)(29)

“I’m sure he will. I am.”

And then she had to listen to her mother gush for five whole minutes about how pleased she was that she got married, and how she hoped they’d consider having a big ceremony out of the ranch with all the fixings, because all her mother had ever wanted was to see Callie in a dress.

“I wore what I’m wearing now,” Callie said.

“That’s ridiculous. Of course you’re going to have to dress up.”

She got off the phone fairly quickly after that. And she knew that she should feel relieved. Like she’d torn a Band-Aid off. But instead she felt... Well, she felt gross. Because her mom was so happy, so relieved.

Isn’t that a great reminder that you have to do this? Because they would rather you randomly marry Jake than be a rodeo rider.

She expected that from her mother. But not from her dad.

When she’d been little he’d been...her biggest support. The way he’d dropped it in the past year, the way he was acting like he’d rather have her married to Jake than following her dream...

It was something she needed to remember. They meant well, but they didn’t want her to do this. They didn’t want her to be this. They didn’t want her to be... Her. And they believed her about the wedding because they wanted so much for her to magically transform into something more traditional that it didn’t even matter if it made sense. There was a firm knock on the door to her bedroom and she startled.

“Come in.”

Jake was in the doorway, wearing a modified version of what he’d had on earlier. A black T-shirt and a jacket, black jeans, but work boots. He had the same black hat on his head. And there was something about the way the light coming through the window caught his face that made her stop and look at how sharp the edges of his bone structure was. That forced her to examine the way the square line of his jaw met with his strong chin, that made her eyes follow the line up to his lips, nose, eyes. That forced her to take stock of a face that should be absolutely familiar, and see something new in it.

There was something about it that made it difficult to breathe.

If they were really married, what would they be doing right now?

The question caused a pang to shoot through her chest, echoing in her teeth. She gritted them together.

“We have work to do, or did you forget?”

“I was talking to my parents.”

“How did that go?”

She crossed her arms. More as a defense against his gaze than anything else. “My dad is pissed that you didn’t ask his permission.”

“Is that it?”

“He made me swear that you didn’t touch me when I was a teenager.”

“Hell,” Jake said.

“I said you didn’t. I said you didn’t and he believes me. So... That’s it. They’re both so glad that I’ve settled down, Jake. That’s all they really care about. I knew that I needed to do this, but I don’t think I really understood how much until now. My mom was never going to be happy until I turned into this thing that she...that she thinks I should be. And my dad is just... I don’t even know. I thought he really believed in me, you know? But not unconditionally. And I felt kind of guilty for a minute, because they were so happy. But then it went away. It went away because... None of this has anything to do with me. It has to do with an idea of me that would make them more comfortable. And I just can’t be that. I can’t.”

“You know, I think you’re both looking at it wrong. You can be a rodeo rider and a wife someday if you wanted to be.”

He met her gaze for too long. She had to look away because he wouldn’t, and it made her breathing feel shallow.

“It’s not that simple, you know it’s not. I used to want everything, but I realized you can’t do that. You can’t be that. My mom wanted me to be more like Sophie. I know she did. Quieter and softer. A replacement for what she lost.” She swallowed hard. “But I wasn’t happy doing that, and my dad liked having me outdoors with him. But if I...got scared of spiders or complained about the weather he asked if I wasn’t tough enough to handle it. Middle ground just doesn’t work in my family. In my life.”

He cleared his throat and she felt him move closer. Felt the shift in the air. “I know I’m not an expert on dealing with that kind of family stuff. But there are no guarantees in this world. That’s the one thing I’m certain of. You’ve got to follow your own path, because there’s nothing else out there. No destiny. No... There’s just shit that happens or doesn’t.”

She nodded slowly. “I guess. Though that feels...sad. I like to think there’s something bigger than just me.”

He reached out and put his hand on her face, and she froze, her flowers in her hand, her heart in her throat. “There’s nothing bigger than you, Cal. Take care of you.”

Then he straightened and walked out, closing the door firmly behind her and leaving her feeling dizzy and confused.

And so, she left her strange feelings about the day back in her room, with those flowers, which were now shoved into the bottom of her duffel bag. And she wouldn’t think about it again. Wouldn’t think about them again. She knew that she’d done the right thing, no matter how difficult it was. And she wasn’t going to second-guess herself. Not now. Not ever.