Rodeo Christmas at Evergreen Ranch (Gold Valley #13)(35)

Then she started running laps on foot. Run to one side of the arena, touch the fence, drop in the dirt and do a burpee. Up and down and up and down, punishing herself. Her skin slick with sweat in spite of the cold. Because she just didn’t want to go to her room and think. She didn’t want to sit in what had happened tonight. And she didn’t want to think about what was coming. What she wanted to think about was the rodeo. Because it was easy, because it made sense. Because it was everything that she needed it to be and nothing more. And yeah, it was a struggle. A challenge. But it was one that she appreciated. One that made her feel good. Or at least made her feel something she recognized.

And so she ran.

“Cal,” she heard his voice say, echoing across the arena. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Working out,” she shouted back, going down for another burpee.

“It’s late.”

“I know it.”

“Is this what you do? You just... Push yourself all the time?”

She ran back toward where he was standing, and then dropped in front of him, doing another burpee, refusing to slow down just because he said to. “I have to,” she said, her lungs burning. She turned to start running another sprint, and he grabbed hold of her arm. “Why?”

“Because I have to,” she said, wildly wiggling to get out of his hold.

His hand was so hot—he’d been hot earlier, too. What was it? It was like he was a damn furnace. She didn’t like it at all. It was unfamiliar, and it was... Not Jake. Jake was safe. Jake had always been safe. The person who listened to her. The person who believed in her. The person that she had driven to see. The person that she’d known would marry her so that she could get what she wanted. Except now he was her husband, and there was something different about it. Something strange. And it made everything feel unfamiliar, including the skin on her body.

“What are you running from?”

“Don’t ask me that.” She was sweaty and furious.

“What’s your goal? I mean, I know you want to ride in the rodeo, but what do you want to get from it?”

“I want to do it. I want to show that I can. And if I’m not... If I’m not sore, then I’m not working hard enough. If I’m not out of breath, I’m not running fast enough. And tonight was really fun with your family, but I’m distracted and I haven’t been doing the work that I need to do.”

“You work plenty hard.”

“We did one ride together, and I fell. And now we have to go visit my family.” Panic was rising up inside her and she didn’t know why. That same panic that had her twisting and turning in her sheets. That same panic that made her feel like she was turning into someone else.

Or she and Jake were turning into some other people.

Like signing a legal document made their friendship change and it shouldn’t.

It’s not just that...

She couldn’t lose focus. This was about her. About finding her place, making her place. Forcing them to...to accept her.

“This has nothing to do with what happened earlier tonight?”

His voice was low and smooth and far too calm. And damn him for asking that.

“Nothing happened earlier tonight.” She stared at him, and she felt her face getting hot. She was grateful for the cover of darkness, because she was absolutely sure that she was blushing.

“Oh, is that right? Nothing happened earlier?”

“We went to your family’s house,” she said stubbornly. “You gave me a present.”

And that was when he reached out and grabbed hold of her hand, almost like she’d done earlier, but different. Assertive. He kept his eyes on hers, glittering in the darkness. He slid the tips of his fingers along the inside of her wrist, down her palm, all the way to her fingertips. His skin was rough. The hands of a man who did ranch work. Familiar hands. Because she knew men like him.

Cowboys.

But they didn’t touch her like this.

Like this.

He was her friend. He wasn’t supposed to touch her like this.

Like what?

She knew. That was the problem. She’d been trying to pretend that she didn’t. Trying to pretend that the small moments of eye contact, these moments that left her insides shaking, weren’t something mystifying. Something that was maybe nothing. A disturbance in the air, rather than a disturbance coming from the innermost core of her being.

And why was he...?

He liked those shiny women. Those pretty women.

He liked easy sex—he’d told her that.

Just then, an arrow of awareness shot right between her thighs. Because she was looking at him, and he was touching her, even if barely, and she had just thought that word.

And about him. Having it. And she’d said all kinds of things about sex and what-have-you earlier, but they hadn’t been touching. And she’d been pretending that...

It was too much. It was overwhelming. And yet, she found that she couldn’t move. He turned his hand, and laced his fingers through hers, tugging her closer. There was still a healthy amount of distance between them, but he was hanging on to her, and he was looking at her. Like a dance that was frozen, neither of them willing to be the one to make the next step. The breath in her lungs was frozen solid. She wanted to run from him, but she also didn’t want to move. Because she didn’t want the moment to pass. She didn’t want now to become later. She just wanted to sit in this. Because it was dangerous, enticing, but also one of the nicer things she’d ever felt in her life.