River's End (River's End Series, #1)(93)

She stood there, her head hanging, her hair a mess, and her face stricken. He did it all wrong. From the first time he saw her, she got through to him, through the years of grief and numbness that Lily’s death condemned him to. He didn’t deserve her, however, after how poorly he treated her.

His brothers were all waiting for him to answer and fix what he’d broken today. For him to say something.

He smiled and they looked at him even more oddly. Feet were shuffling. Erin raised her head towards Joey and Ian before she glanced at him.

“She made me fall in love with her, Joe,” he said finally after a long silence, while his eyes stayed firmly on her face. Her eyes rounded, her brow wrinkled, and her lashes blinked in confusion.

No one spoke. He’d never said anything like that in front of anyone. Even about Lily, his own wife. But Lily never needed for him to proclaim anything.

“So you see, Joey, I can’t let you stand there and repeat any of the filth you’ve been saying. I shouldn’t have attacked you, but you shouldn’t have attacked Erin. She didn’t do anything to deserve that. I’m sorry, Erin. For doing it like this, and for not saying so sooner. I’m sorry for making you feel like being with Joey was some kind of flaw in you. None of that should have mattered. The flaw was in me. You matter to me. And I was too scared to tell you.”

She didn’t respond at first, but her mouth was still open and her eyes wide. She shook her head and turned on her heel, running off towards her trailer. He deserved it. He deserved all of her hatred and suspicion. He’d been crappy to her. And that didn’t become clear until the moment he heard how his brother spoke to her. Then he lost it. He never realized what he was doing to Erin until he heard Joey doing the same thing.

His brothers stared at him in horror and he stared back. “I need to go check on my sons. Then on Erin. Then, Joe, you and I are having a nice long chat about this. At some point, you’ll have to apologize to Erin. And just so we’re clear: don’t you ever talk about her like that again.”

He turned on his heel and followed Ben inside the house. Ben sat down, bracing his elbows on his knees with his head hanging down. He looked down at his knuckles when Jack came in. Jack let out a long, weary sigh. He knew he created a real shithole. He deserved their disdain. He quickly grabbed a towel and wiped his lip, then washed his hands. He took his shirt off and grabbed a clean one before approaching Ben.

“Remember all that stuff I told you about real men are those who accept responsibility? And not to fight because it makes you less than whoever is bothering you? I meant it, Ben. I was wrong just now, to do what I did to Joey. Believe me, I’ll be making up for it for a long time. I’m sorry I did that in front of you and Charlie. Can you ever forgive me?”

Ben looked up and his eyes were huge. He glanced at Jack’s knuckles. A bruise already appeared across them. “Why was Joey saying that stuff about Erin?”

“It had less to do with Erin and more to do with a power struggle between him and me. But I lost it, Ben. I was very wrong. No excuse, but I couldn’t listen to him anymore.”

Ben nodded. “I’m glad you did, Dad. Erin doesn’t deserve that. She’s… well she’s always nice to everyone here. I like her.”

Jack felt his chest expanding. God. His son was going to be a good man. Somehow, he did something right with Ben. His son had kindness, empathy, and integrity. Something he himself hadn’t been displaying of late.

“I like her too. The mistake I made is being too scared to tell her. And to face you and your uncles about it.”

Ben scrunched up his face. “Why? Why would you be scared of what we thought?”

“Because,” Jack paused as he ran a hand into his hair, “I don’t really know, Ben. It’s been a long time since I felt this way. Since… since your mother. It’s hard to admit and let go. I guess I didn’t know how to love anyone besides your mother. You know I loved her. Nothing can ever change what your mother was to me.”

Ben shook his head. “I know, Dad. I mean I think I know. It’s just, you’re different around Erin.”

“Different?”

“Happier. You smile more. I don’t think I’d care if you wanted to marry her or something.”

Jack grimaced at Ben’s declaration. God, from zero to sixty goes a teenager’s brain. He had so much to work out still, starting with begging Erin to forgive his shortsightedness. And marriage? Jesus. But he appreciated Ben’s unsolicited support and permission. Most teenage sons wouldn’t be as generous, especially after considering it was like replacing their mother.

He put a hand to Ben’s shoulder and squeezed. “Thanks, Ben. Look, Charlie ran off and I really need to check on him now.”

Ben nodded as Jack left the house. His brothers also dispersed. Erin’s trailer door was shut and so were her blinds. Jack itched to go to her, but Charlie needed him first. That was something Erin would have to get used to and let be, if she intended to date him. Right now, it seemed a big if.

He found Charlie huddled up on a rock, and knelt down beside him. He skipped the words and just pulled Charlie’s into his arms. Charlie stayed in a tight ball, but eventually, relaxed his body.

“I scared you, huh, bud?”

Charlie’s head nodded up and down on his arm. “I’m sorry, Charlie, for doing that. And especially in front of you. It was wrong, okay? Even adults do things they aren’t supposed to.”