Reclaiming the Sand(96)

“You left and never came back. I’ve been waiting for you to come. But you haven’t. Why?”

I had both longed and dreaded for this moment. But in my head it never played out quite like this. I had thought myself prepared for his hurt accusations, but I hadn’t counted on the tortured pain on his face.

How could he feel sad over not seeing me after everything I told him?

“I just, well, Dania isn’t well. And honestly, I thought you wouldn’t want to see me,” I said lamely. I sounded pathetic. My excuse ringing falsely in my ears.

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you?” he demanded, frowning.

“After what I told you, why would you want to see me?” I countered.

“You never let me talk about any of it. You just left. You never called. You never came by the studio. Why would you do that?” he demanded. He was angry. I could see the vein popping on the side of his neck.

The bell dinged above the door again as several people walked inside.

“This isn’t the time to talk about this, Flynn,” I said quietly, trying not to cause a scene.

Flynn slammed his hand down on the counter. “When is the time to talk about this? Because you’re doing the exact same thing you did to me in high school! You said you were sorry for that! Why are you doing this to me?” He sounded agonized and I felt myself swaying under the weight of his unhappiness.

“You’re not upset about what I told you? You don’t hate me for telling you what I did?” I asked, still trying to keep my voice down. We were getting a lot of attention. It seemed that suddenly, JAC’s was the busiest it had been in weeks. People weren’t even trying to hide the fact that they were staring.

“I’m upset, Ellie! Because you won’t talk to me! Because you always hurt me! You make it so hard to love you!” he yelled and I flinched.

I felt like I should just tattoo I’m sorry on my forehead with the amount of times I said it. I was tired and exhausted and had no real excuse for avoiding him. Except that my guilt and self-loathing had made a nasty reappearance.

“Flynn…” I began but his hand shot out and knocked over the stand of lottery ticket. It fell to the floor with a smash. Everyone was now staring openly.

“Just leave me alone!” he screamed and practically ran from the store.

I looked at the people gawking and then to Flynn’s quickly retreating form as he rushed down the sidewalk, away from me.

I didn’t cry. I didn’t scream like I wanted to. Instead I calmly came out from behind the counter and slowly picked up the knocked over lottery tickets. The familiar numbness spreading and taking over. Soft and cuddly Ellie began her steady retreat behind impenetrable walls.

Flynn wanted me to leave him alone. And even as I vowed to do just that, his words still pierced the newly formed ice around my heart.





-Flynn-

Many years ago…



I went back to school. Mom said I had to finish the year out and then we would move away. That I would never have to live in Wellsburg again.

But Wellsburg was my home.

I liked it.

It’s where Ellie was.

Or where she used to be.

But I never saw her again.

She stopped coming to school.

I heard people saying that she went to jail. I didn’t understand why she would go to jail.

Jail was for bad people. Ellie was mean sometimes, but she wasn’t bad.

People were looking at me a lot now. More than they used to. I knew they were talking about me as well.

It made me angry and anxious. I didn’t like people looking at me. Or talking about me.

Stu and Dania were still calling me names. They had gotten worse. They said it was all my fault. I didn’t know what they were talking about.

I wanted to ask them where Ellie was but they scared me. I didn’t want to talk to them.

Mom and I were living in an apartment until we could move. I asked her if they ever caught who set fire to our house and killed Marty. She said yes. That they had gotten into a lot of trouble.

I asked who it was. Mom said I didn’t know them. She wouldn’t look at me when she said that. It made me nervous.

I couldn’t sleep in the new apartment. I hated the small rooms and the kitchen smelled weird. I wanted to go back to the house in the woods. I wanted to live there again.

Mom said we wouldn’t live there anymore. That made me angry. But I didn’t throw things. I slammed the door to my room and screamed into a pillow. But it didn’t make me feel better.

Everyone was talking at school. I heard people saying Ellie’s name. Then they’d look at me. They were always looking at me.

Two girls were talking in English class about the fire at my house. It made me sad to think about it. To think about Marty who had died. One of the girls said that Ellie had gone to jail because she had burned my house down.

And I had yelled at them and said that wasn’t true. They didn’t laugh at me when I yelled but they moved to other seats.

I ran out of the class. I had never been so mad before. Those girls said Ellie burned my house down.

Did she?

I went to the bathroom and started to scream. I couldn’t stop.

The principal came and called my mom.

She came and got me and took me home. I was so upset. I asked her if Ellie burned down our house. She didn’t say anything.