Reclaiming the Sand(91)

Shit!

“It’s bad, Ells. Really, really bad. Stu says they won’t let her have her baby because of all the shit she did while she was pregnant. The drugs and the drinking. The kid was born with some sort of heart defect and can’t breathe on his own. That he was addicted to drugs or something. They aren’t sure he’ll pull through. And now these people won’t even let her go and see him. She’s losing it, Ells. You need to get back here now. She won’t see anyone but you.”

I looked over at Flynn and he still hadn’t moved. Murphy had woken up during my phone call and had jumped up on the bed, his head in Flynn’s lap. I hated not knowing what was going on between us. But I couldn’t deal with him right now. I needed to get to Dania. She needed me and I hadn’t been there.

Would the guilt ever end?

“I’ll get there as soon as I can. We’re almost six hours away. So it’ll be a while,” I said and I heard Reggie’s sigh of relief.

“Thank you! I just don’t know what to do. And Dania doesn’t even really like me. She won’t talk to Stu and he told her to f*ck herself and left. Shane’s not answering his phone. So it’s just me here and you know I hate hospitals. I hate the smell and all the people running around. I can’t handle it. I need to get out of here,” Reggie whispered manically into the phone and I knew she was messed up. Dania didn’t need that.

“Just go home, Reggie. I’ll be there soon enough and I’ll take care of Dania,” I assured her, knowing that’s what she wanted to hear.

“Good. Okay then. I’ll talk to you later.” And with that, she hung up.

I tried to collect myself. I felt as though I were left dangling in the wind. I had unloaded my huge confession on Flynn, that he had still yet to respond to. I was almost positive that my honesty had cost me the most important person in my life. His silence was like the death knell for our relationship.

And before I was allowed to mourn the loss of it, I had gotten a phone call letting me know my best friend was falling apart. That she needed me.

“I have to go home,” I said, grabbing my suitcase and shoving my things inside.

“What about the hotel room?” he asked.

And then it was my turn to lose it. “I don’t care about the f*cking hotel room! I need to get back to Wellsburg now! Dania needs me!”

I shoved the rest of my things in my suitcase.

“You’re upset,” Flynn said, all emotion gone from his voice. It was hard to believe that only hours before we had been wrapped up in each other. That he had touched me and I had touched him and we had connected completely.

It felt like another life.

“Yes, I’m upset, Flynn. Dania had her baby. He’s sick. I need to get back and be with her,” I said, trying to calm myself down. Getting worked up would only exacerbate the situation.

“Okay. We will go back,” Flynn said, slowly getting out of bed.

The next twenty minutes was spent making sure Flynn had everything put back in his suitcase just as he had packed it. We didn’t discuss my recent confession. It was as though the time for dealing with it had passed. In the span of minutes, the world around us had changed and we were left adrift.

We hadn’t spoken more than a dozen words between us. And this time the silence wasn’t comforting. It felt like the end.

Flynn insisted he could drive. He said that he had slept and wasn’t tired. I was glad because I could barely keep my eyes open. I looked out the window as we drove away. I watched the ocean glowing in the moonlight and thought that the girl who had walked on the sand, dreaming of love and a new future was a total idiot.





-Ellie-



I fell asleep at some point during the journey back. I woke up to Flynn shaking me.

I sat up, startled. We were back in Wellsburg. It was morning already. The sun had come up and the town looked less depressing in the early light of day.

“I wasn’t sure where you wanted me to take you,” he said, sounding tired.

“Just take me home. I can get my car and head over to the hospital,” I said, rubbing my eyes and feeling my head start to pound from nerves and lack of sleep.

Flynn cleared his throat. “I can take you to the hospital if you want. I can stay with you,” he offered.

If I were in a better frame of mind I would have recognized his words for what they were. He was trying to make things right between us. He wanted to be there for me.

But my grief and guilt were destructive forces and I could only hear his dispassionate voice offering because he felt like he had to. Even though I should have known better. Flynn didn’t operate like that.

I was tired and stressed and not in the mood to navigate through the impenetrable waters of Flynn Hendricks’ thought process.

“Just take me home. I need to go by myself,” I said. Flynn did as I asked resuming his silence. When he dropped me off, he didn’t get out of the car to help me with my suitcase. He didn’t walk me to the door and say goodbye. He did nothing to soothe the snarly tangles of our wounded relationship. But it wasn’t really his job to do that. I had messed things up. I had done this. I couldn’t let him comfort me.

I didn’t deserve that.

And it was best to do it alone.

“Bye, Ellie,” he said as I walked up the sidewalk toward my apartment building.