Reclaiming the Sand(94)

-Ellie-



Dania stayed in the hospital for another two days. Dr. Ball informed me that Dania shouldn’t be on her own when she was released in part due to her C-section recovery time. But he was concerned about her apparent post-partum depression.

Dr. Ball didn’t think that she should be on her own given the trauma she had experienced. I agreed and arrangements were made for her to come home with me. It would be a tight fit in my cramped apartment, but I would make it work.

After being visited by the CPS workers, Dania refused to talk about Brandon again. Even after her discharge from the hospital and resuming of semi-normal life she wouldn’t talk about it or the possibility of seeing him.

She refused to attend her hearing and made no effort to follow the service plan she had been served with. Visitation was contingent on her following the mandates set by the Department of Health and Human Resources. But she wouldn’t even open the envelope when it came in the mail. It was as though she had washed her hands of the situation.

There were days I became so angry with her for giving up on her baby that I had to take a drive so I could get away from her. Otherwise I knew that I would say something that would hurt both of us.

None of our friends had come by to see her. After I had gotten her settled into my apartment, I had tried calling Reggie and Shane but neither answered the phone or returned my calls. I was being avoided. That was obvious.

I was standing in line at the grocery store, having picked up a deli sandwich and some potato chips to take home for Dania, who was still not eating regularly unless forced. I realized that Stu was standing several people ahead of me in line, two large cases of cheap beer under his arms.

“Stu!” I called out. He looked over at me and gave me a barely noticeable incline of his head before turning back to the cashier and handing her some cash. Without saying a word, he headed out of the store. I dropped my stuff and rushed after him.

“Wait, Stu! Hold up!” I called out. Stu stopped but didn’t bother to turn around.

I was wheezing by the time I caught up with him. “Hey, Ellie,” he said, dropping his sunglasses down over his eyes. He looked put out, as if I were keeping him from something.

“Where you headed?” I asked, looking pointedly at the beer.

“A bunch of us are hanging out at Shane’s house watching football. You wanna come over?” he asked.

“Uh no, I’m heading home. You know Dania’s living with me now,” I said, raising my eyebrows, hoping he’d get the hint.

“Oh, okay. Well I’ll see ya around,” he said and started to walk around me to get to his truck.

“Hang on a second!” I hollered. Stu looked back and this time he looked really annoyed.

“It would be really cool if you came by to see Dania. I know she’d like that. Weren’t you guys together again?” I asked incredulously. I knew the people I had hung out with for the last ten years were selfish *s. I guess I just never realized exactly how much.

I honestly thought that Stu would have been by to see Dania, considering their history. Even if I had always suspected he was missing a few key emotional components, I thought he’d make some sort of effort.

I had been very, very wrong.

“Why? So she can scream at me again? So she can flip the f*ck out? I’ve had it with Dania’s drama. It ain’t even my kid,” he said dismissively.

“But, you’ve known Dania for almost ten years!” I argued, getting angry. “I knew you were always a dick, but I thought just maybe you’d be less dickish for Dania’s sake. She could really use her friends right now,” I said, trying to suppress the urge to inflict bodily harm.

Stu shrugged and opened up his truck door, putting the beer on the passenger seat. “I wish her luck and all, but I don’t need that shit in my life. There are plenty of bitches in the sea. No sense in straddling myself with one who has a kid and issues. No f*cking thank you. So you’re more than welcome to swing by when you’re done playing babysitter. But if you’re just gonna be a bitch, stay away. We don’t need the buzz kill.” Before I could say anything else, Stu hopped up into his truck and drove away.

I never mentioned to Dania that I had run into Stu. What would have been the point? And she never mentioned the fact that our so-called friends never bothered to come by. If she noticed, she didn’t say anything.

It was hard to tell if she cared or not. It was impossible to know if she cared about anything anymore. Because she had gone into complete shut down. Nothing and no one mattered.

Except me.

She became clingy and tearful and I knew I couldn’t leave her alone. Despite everything she had done, everything she had said in the past, none of that counted now. Because she was suffering. And I couldn’t turn my back on her.

My life became consumed with helping her. Taking care of her. Trying to get her to put her life back together. She was incapable of doing anything for herself, her hollowness crippling her.

I tried to convince her to go to her doctor to get some medication but she insisted she didn’t need it. Even as she fell further and further into the black pit of her depression.

And she was taking me with her.

Because my entire life became focused on Dania and her issues. There was no room for anything else. My needs had been put on the backburner.