Present Perfect(95)

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone.”

“I didn’t think your first cancer funeral should be that of a 10-year-old’s. They’re pretty rough.”

I stared straight ahead, not knowing what to say. I felt a warm hand cover mine and lightly squeeze, causing me to look over at him. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. I thought maybe she had gotten better and didn’t need to come here anymore. Stupid, right?”

“Not stupid, just naive.”

“Are you afraid of dying?” I asked.

He turned his head and looked toward the ceiling, contemplating his answer. “Yes, I’m afraid of dying, but I’m not afraid of being dead.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Dying is a process. Dead means you’ve already arrived at your destination.” He turned to me, his dark blue eyes pierced mine as if they could see all the way into my soul. “What about you? Are you afraid of dying?”

“Lately, I feel like I’m afraid of everything, dying, living, Tuesdays.”

I noticed that we were still holding hands. It felt really nice and really right. I was becoming confused about the feelings I was developing for this boy. They weren’t as strong as my feelings for Noah, but given time I was afraid they could be. I needed to change the subject.

Pulling my hand away from his and using it to tuck some of my hair behind my ear, I said, “My friend, Lisa is coming for a visit next weekend. It’s the beginning of her spring break and she’s going to spend a couple of days here before heading to Florida.”

“This is the cute little redhead you showed me a picture of?”

“Yep.”

“You think she’d let me bang her?”

“You’re a pig.”

“What?! I’m just asking. A cute little redhead, ready to blow off some steam during spring break…she might as well start by blowing me.” I narrowed my eyes at him.

I had texted a picture of Dalton to Lisa when I first met him and she thought he was hot.

“She probably would. She thinks you’re hot.”

He slid across the back of the chair in my direction. A huge grin plastered across his face. “And how does she know what I look like?”

“I may have texted her a picture of you a few weeks ago.”

“Sweet. Do you have a pen and some paper?”

“I think so.” I searched through my bag and came up with a pen and scrap of paper. “Here.”

He straightened up in his chair and flipped his hand toward me. “Take this down,” he said.

“When did I become your secretary?”

“Gatorade, vitamins, protein drink, double A batteries, pancake syrup, Vaseline, a paint brush-soft bristles, rope, duct tape, and a pack of pens. I’m out of pens. Oh, and…” He slid back across the back of the chair in my direction, smiling, and in a low voice said, “Trojan Magnum, box of 36, the pleasure pack sampler.” He leaned away, grinning at me. I just stared at him, speechless and tossed the pen and paper in his lap.





When I was a kid, it felt like it took forever for things like Christmas and my birthday to come around. Soon was never soon enough. In ten seconds, the length of time it takes for a doctor to tell you your diagnosis, you go from thinking the world is full of an infinite amount of time to realizing nothing in this world is infinite.

Everything has a beginning, middle, and end. Before cancer, I didn’t give much thought to the end. It’s a cruel joke that when you realize there is an end, time starts to move faster, speeding towards it. Life moves pretty fast. Soon can take it’s time getting here now.

This entry was inspired by the great philosopher Ferris Bueller…Bueller…Bueller…





I was walking back to our table from the bathroom. As I slipped into the booth beside Dalton I could not believe the conversation my two friends were having.

“So you want to f*ck me?”

“Yes, if you’re agreeable.”

“I’m only staying for a couple of days before heading to Florida. I won’t be here much longer.”

“Neither will I.” My head whipped back and forth between them so fast that I almost got whiplash.

Lisa, Dalton, and I were downtown near the college having lunch at the Hungry Lion, a hole in the wall, but the best burgers around. Lisa had gotten into town early that morning and we met Dalton for lunch. They hit it off immediately, which I knew they would, but had no idea this would be the topic of their first conversation.

“I can’t believe the two of you are sitting here discussing this at lunch, in front of me.”

“Time is of the essence, grasshopper,” Dalton said, holding up a French fry before tossing in his mouth.

“Dalton speaks the truth.” Lisa leaned into the table slightly toward Dalton as if she were about to tell him a secret. “Just so you know upfront…that’s the only point of entry I’ll allow you. I don’t do any back door partying.”

Diet Pepsi came flying out of my mouth and I inadvertently snorted it up my nose. Lisa and Dalton burst into a fit of laughter.

Once he stopped laughing and recovered the ability to breathe, Dalton said, “Young grasshopper, the only thing getting f*cked this weekend is your mind.”