Present Perfect(94)

I looked at him through blurred vision and said, “I’m so ashamed.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I can’t do anything for myself anymore. Every part of my body feels sick. I just want to die.” I looked up at him with pleading eyes. “Noah, tell them to let me go.” My sobs became so heavy, I was having a hard time catching my breath. I heard Emily crying louder.

Noah shifted to sit behind me and enveloped me in his arms, my back pressed securely to his chest. He buried his face in my neck. I felt it get wet with his tears as he whispered, “I can’t do that. I need you too much. Don’t leave me.”

I fell asleep and slept soundly the entire night for the first time in over a week. When I woke up the next morning, the reason why I slept so well still had his arms around me.





Dalton got me through my bad days as much as possible. He called every day to check on me and had come over to hang out when he was having a good day. He even went to the hospital with me when they removed my portacath. It got infected. Since all these chemo drugs were in me, my immune system was shot to hell, so the catheter needed to be removed immediately. I told Dr. Lang I didn’t want another one placed. I hated the idea and look of something under my skin sticking out of my body. I would just suck it up and deal with the IV sticks for chemo.

I don’t know how I would have gotten through everything without Dalton. My family and Noah were a tremendous help, but they could only empathize. Dalton knew what my body was feeling and how my mind was trying to process it all. I didn’t have to explain anything to him. He read me just as well as Noah.

I had become very attached to Dalton, in a relatively short period of time. I could tell my parents and Emily were concerned that I was becoming too attached by the looks on their faces whenever they saw us together or I talked about him. I didn’t know what my feelings were toward him. I just knew I needed him in my life. I always thought there was one soul mate out there for each person. Dalton made me think twice about that. Maybe some people are lucky enough to have two soul mates in their lifetime.





The on weeks of chemo were like living in that movie Groundhog’s Day. I had four cycles so far and they were almost identical, same nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, etc. The only good thing about on weeks was that Dalton and I would spend time together. We had started spending more time with each other during our off weeks, but it was during our chemo that I felt we bonded the most. We were both stuck in that room for at least four hours, so there wasn’t much else to do, but talk.

I felt like I had known Dalton all my life and it had just been two months. There was a comfort I felt with him that I didn’t with other people right now including my family and even Noah to a certain degree. Ever since this whole cancer life had started, I had a constant craving to feel normal and Dalton satisfied that for me. Everyone else talked to me about the cancer or the amputation. Dalton helped me feel normal even while we were both being pumped full of chemicals.

“Favorite movie?” he asked.

“I have four actually.”

“You can’t have four,” he protested.

“Why not?”

“Favorite, a person or thing regarded with favor or preference. You can have a favorite drama and a favorite comedy, but you can’t have multiple favorites in the same category.” I looked at him with my eyebrows furrowed together. Him and his crazy rules.

“I have four…” I held up four fingers and wiggled them in front of his face. “…favorite comedies.” He just huffed and shook his head at me.

“The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller, The Jerk, and Forest Gump.”

“Aw, I see you are a fan of the classics.”

“Oh, and anything with George Clooney in it.” He shook his head at me again. “What is your favorite?”

“Die Hard.”

“Which one?” I asked.

“All of them.”

“You just berated me for having four favorites. There are five Die Hard movies.”

“They’re installments of the same movie.”

“Your logic is convoluted.”

“A little too intellectual for you to comprehend?”

“Bite me.”

“Hot damn! I’ve been waiting two months for you to let me do that.” I laughed out loud startling Estelle, one of the elderly ladies who had her chemo on the same day as Dalton and I.

“Favorite line from a movie?” I asked.

“Are you serious? Yippee ki-yay, motherf*cker.” I made no attempt at hiding my eye roll.

Dalton closed his eyes and rested his head back against the chair. We sat in a relaxed silence. Looking around the room I noticed only Dalton, Estelle, and I were the only ones left. “Hey, Dalton?”

“Mmmhmm?”

“Ashley isn’t here today and she wasn’t here the last chemo day.” Ashley was a little girl I had seen the first day of chemo. She was quiet and kept to herself, but very sweet. “I wonder why.”

“Dead.” His words shocked me.

“What?” He turned his head toward me and opened his eyes.

“I said she’s dead.”

“Dalton, that’s a terrible thing to say. You don’t know.”

“Yes I do. I went to her funeral last week.”