Present Perfect(70)

Mom draped her arm around my shoulders and pressed her cheek to the side of my head, squeezing me slightly. “He’s still seeing Brooke? Is that why he hasn’t been around at all this summer?” I nodded.

“There wasn’t enough room for Brooke and I both in his life.” I felt my tears building up. “She makes him happy. Look at his smile.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. You could hear the shakiness in my voice.

Mom hugged me one more time and said, “Looks can be deceiving. You can’t always tell what’s going on inside a person from outside. People put on a brave face when they’re trying to get over heartbreak, but that doesn’t mean they have. You and Noah have a rare bond and always will. There’s no one out there who can break that.”

“Thanks Mom.”

I pried my eyes from the window, hugged my mom, and went to my room. I grabbed my phone and did what I had been doing all summer, especially when I saw Noah. I texted my dealer.

Me: U home alone & want some company?

His response was immediate.

Brad: It depends. What are you wearing? Forget it, doesn’t matter. I’m just going to rip it off you. Come now! ;)

I felt my stomach churn as I read his words. He really was a Smurff*cker. But none of that mattered to me at the time. I knew in twenty minutes my thoughts would be focused somewhere else and I would have my escape.





I’ve got nothing for my journal entry today. Holy shit! I’m attending an acclaimed university and majoring in journalism. How the hell can I NOT have anything to write about? I always have something to say, an opinion, a stupid idea, but not today.

What if this continues when I get to school? I’ll be a laughing stock. Other students will point, stare, and laugh uncontrollably at me. I mean, a journalist without words is…SHIT! I don’t even have the right words to answer that question. I’m going to have to move back home. I’ll be whispered about behind my back. The only job I’ll be able to get will be measuring old ladies for the correct bra size. Nobody wants that job. This is karma and she’s bitch slapping me all the way into next week.





It took me about a month and a half to adjust, but college life suited me. The hardest part so far had been getting used to being away from home. I had no idea how good I had it at home. At school, I actually had to do laundry and was put on a schedule to clean the bathroom. It took moving away from my mom to really appreciate her.

My roommate, Lisa, was a no nonsense country girl from Missouri. She was beautiful with wavy copper colored hair that hit right at her shoulders, huge bright green eyes, and curves exactly where they should be. She was smart, funny, and a great roommate. It was nice to have a friend, again, and I did consider her my friend, even though we had only known each other for a short time.

My course schedule was fairly ambitious for a freshman. I was taking five classes, one of which was for my major. The campus was huge and spread out, but I was finding my way around pretty good now. All of this added up to some very long days. There were times when I was so tired at the end of the day I would just eat a couple of big spoonfuls of frosting I had stashed in the mini-fridge or I didn’t eat at all. The upside to my new, too busy to eat diet, was that I avoided the freshmen fifteen, so far I hadn’t gained an ounce. I had actually lost a little weight.

I hadn’t been home for a visit yet because I knew going back too soon would cause me to backslide and so far I was doing okay with getting over Noah. I was too busy most of the time during the week to focus that much on him. I had been filling the weekends up with frat parties and meeting people. Nighttime was the hardest. I studied in my room most of the time. It was easy for me to let my mind drift to thoughts of him during those times.

Five months had passed since I had any contact with Noah. When I thought of him, I still felt the same pain and loneliness. It was even stronger than on that day when I destroyed our friendship. If I allowed my thoughts to linger too long the tears would start and I’d spend most of the night in the bathroom hiding, so Lisa wouldn’t see me and start asking a bunch of questions.

One night while studying for a psychology test, Lisa noticed that I hadn’t turned a page in the past twenty minutes. Hopping off her bed, she grabbed two red cups and a bottle of wine she had smuggled in.

“Alright, space cadet, it’s wine time,” Lisa said plopping down in the chair across from me.

I looked up, surprised to see her sitting there. I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t notice her until she shoved a red cup of wine at me.

Sitting back in the chair, her feet propped up on the desk, she asked, “Are you going to tell me who you were spacing out about?”

“I was concentrating,” I said just before I took a sip of wine.

“Yeah, you were concentrating. What’s his name?”

“Who’s name?”

She shook her head. “The guy you cry about at night in the bathroom.”

Her words caught me off guard. “I didn’t know you heard me. I went in there so I wouldn’t bother you. Sorry.”

“So spill.”

“Nobody, really.” I was ashamed of myself for saying those words. Noah won’t ever be a nobody to me, even if I never see him again. “I mean, he was someone very special, but isn’t in my life anymore.”