Present Perfect(69)

“I’m charming as hell, though. I’m sure I can persuade you to sit on my face for a while.”

“You make my skin crawl.”

“I’d like to crawl all over your skin.”

“Are you serious? Do you actually believe a girl would find that charming?”

Completely ignoring my question, he said, “Amanda, why did you come here?”

“I don’t know why.”

“Yes you do.”

“Enlighten me then,” I sneered at him.

“You and I aren’t that different, you know. Yeah, I used you to win a bet, but you used me too.”

“How the hell did I use you?”

“Who were you thinking of every time we hooked up and who are you trying to forget tonight?”

I stared at him, keeping my expression as neutral as I could. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

“You used me as a stand-in for Mr. Perfect. I used you to make some cash and now you’re back for more. When I f*ck you tonight, I won’t be making a dime off of it. When you close your eyes as I’m sliding into you, whose face will you see? So, you tell me, which one of us is more disgusting?”

Brad leaned into me, sitting his glass down on the bar. He was so close I could feel the heat radiate off his body. He looked down at me. Reaching up, he tucked some of my stray hair behind my ear then his fingers slowly moved down, tracing the outline of my jaw and continued down my neck, stopping just short of my breasts. Lifting my lids, I was hypnotized by sapphire blue eyes.

His touch sent shivers down my body. How could I be so attracted to someone I despised, someone who was responsible for one of the worst days of my life?

Because he’s right, you’re no better than he is, Amanda.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I just wanted to feel numb and forget the overwhelming pain I was in and caused.

“So now that we’ve cleared the air. Why are you really here, Amanda?” Brad asked.

“I want you to make me forget,” I whispered. We were so close my lips brushed against his with each word.

“That wasn’t so hard to admit, was it? In fact, I’ll be happy to call you Tweet if it’ll help.” The sound of him saying my nickname made me sick.

Before Brad had a chance to say another word, I grabbed the back of his neck, pulled his lips to mine, sucking them in. I clawed at his shirt, silently begging him to take it off. He did. His hands wasted no time slipping underneath my skirt and finding my hips. Fingers dug into my skin as I wrapped my legs around his waist pulling him closer to me. Lifting me up, he carried me to the pool table and laid me on my back. I heard the sound of a zipper and then foil ripping. Grabbing behind my knees, Brad jerked me forward so that my hips sat right at the edge of the table. I felt his cold hands run up my legs. Before I knew it he had ripped my panties off and was pounding into me.

My head was fuzzy from the drinks, but I was extremely focused on what I was doing. I didn’t think about the past or the future. The only thing that mattered was this moment in time. There was relief in this moment. There was no guilt, heartbreak, or loneliness. I was able to escape all of that with a few drinks and a willing guy. I’ll deal with how ashamed I was about myself later.





I spent the summer trying to forget Noah with Brad. Sex with Brad was like a drug. During sex, I could shut down and shut out. It was a momentary relief, an escape from the pain that I woke up to every morning. Escaping became very addictive, but like with any drug, once you come down from the high the pain and loneliness are still there accompanied by self-hate and disappointment.

Being with Brad also released me from the need to be perfect. I didn’t care what Brad thought of me, expected of me, or did to me. He was irrelevant. Any guy could help me achieve the same results. Brad was just convenient and familiar.

When I wasn’t with Brad, I tried to stay busy, but Noah always lingered in my thoughts. The only time he wasn’t was during my encounters with Brad. I plodded through my days as best I could. The one thing that would completely derail me was if I saw Noah. Seeing him would send me straight to my room and under the covers until the next day. I did everything in my power to make sure that didn’t happen. But there were days when I couldn’t keep myself from peering out the window hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

A week before I was to leave for school, I found myself glued to the window above the kitchen sink. There was a clear view of the Stewart’s backyard from it. Since I only had a week left before moving, I didn’t think it would do any harm to stop fighting the pull that window had on me. Once I was in Columbia, Noah would be completely out of reach and sight.

Mom had already passed through the kitchen once and saw me at the window. Fifteen minutes later when she came back through and I was in the same spot her curiosity got the best of her. Standing beside me, she followed my gaze out the window.

“Do you mind me asking what is so interesting in our backyard?”

“Nothing, I guess I just spaced out. I have a lot on my mind with getting ready for school.” I lied.

What had me glued to that spot was Noah and Brooke hanging out at his pool. I had seen them out there before. What I hadn’t seen before, in fact all summer, was a smile on Noah’s face. The smile that I loved and missed had resurfaced. He was happy and with Brooke. The ache that started in my stomach invaded the rest of my body. My heart broke because I knew I was the one who took that smile from him and Brooke was the one who gave it back.