Present Perfect(65)

It felt like I was walking in quicksand as we made our way to our spot. I dreaded what I had to do. I kept telling myself I was doing it for Noah. I had spent every possible minute I could with him this week, because I knew this day was coming. I had gone over and over in my head what I was going to say. On the way to our spot, my mind went completely blank.

Once we got to our table, he started to help me up to sit, but I shook my head. He leaned against the end of the table, looking at me standing in front of him.

Confusion and concern were in his eyes when he asked, “What’s going on? You’ve been so quiet this past week.”

The tears that had started forming during our walk here began to run down my face. It felt like I stood there forever with the words stuck in my throat. The person who meant everything to me just buried his father and I was about to break my promise and leave him. Noah misread my tears as the emotions of the week catching up with me. Mr. Stewart was like my second dad.

He reached, pulling me into a hug. I put my arms around his neck and held on. I knew this was the last time I would feel his strong arms around me, touch his soft hair, and smell his wonderful citrusy scent. As he held me, I tried to get my sobs under control. I needed to do this quick before I chickened out.

I pulled back from him, his arms remained around my waist. “Noah, I need to say something.”

“Okay.”

Stepping away from him I still wasn’t sure I could go through with this. Every part of me began to quiver, the inside as well as the outside. “Promise me you’ll listen before you say anything.”

“What’s going on, Tweet?”

“Promise me.”

“Okay. I promise,” he said.

I swallowed my sobs. “You are the most important person in my life. Your happiness is my number one priority. Don’t ever doubt that, because it will never change.”

“You’re scaring me.” His voice was cracking with emotion. His beautiful light blue eyes that were filled with deep sadness started to glisten.

I knew this was it, my life would never be the same, and I was scared to death.

“I need to step away from us for a while. Seeing you with Brooke is harder than I thought it would be,” I swallowed hard. I still couldn’t believe I was doing this.

“I’ll break up with her.” His response was quick and said with such assurance. It caught me off guard.

“Brooke is who you should turn to now, not me. She’s your girlfriend.” My stomach churned when the words came out of my mouth. “She’s good for you, Noah.”

“You’re a liar. You can’t stand her,” he said.

I could feel my sobs pushing against my chest wanting to get out, but I held them in. I had to stay strong.

“You need to stop being so attached to me.”

My legs were barely holding me up they were so weak. The ache in my chest exploded with every word I said to him.

“Stop being so attached to you?” He pushed off of the table and took a step towards me.

“We’re not kids anymore. I’m getting ready to go off to school…”

“Don’t do this. I won’t touch you again, I swear, not even a hug. You can’t do this. I can’t lose you, too.” He stepped closer to me. “I love you.”

Every part of me wanted to grab him and tell him how much I loved him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He wasn’t going to make this easy on me. I had to say something that would cut right into him.

“Well, you shouldn’t. I told you over and over that I couldn’t be with you. But you kept pushing more and more each time. I can’t be with you, Noah, and I don’t want to be. I don’t feel the same way about you.”

I saw in his eyes when the shift from hurt to anger occurred. “So this is my fault? You always said the reason we couldn’t be a couple was because you’d do something to mess it up and we’d lose our friendship. Now you’re blaming me.”

“No one is to blame.” My voice sounded so small.

“Oh yeah? I blame you.” I could feel the heat from his anger radiating off his body. “You don’t give a shit about me or my happiness. All you care about is keeping things in the same little compartment, so you can control everything.”

The look in his eyes shifted again, only this time it was from anger to hate. He was starting to hate me.

I stepped back and started to turn my head away when Noah grabbed my chin forcing me to look at him. “Don’t you dare look away from me. You’re not going to run away this time.” I remained quiet, letting him say everything he needed to. “I’ve tried to stay away from you, to not touch you, and I’ve tried so f*cking hard not to fall in love with you.”

He moved in closer to me. Our chest pushed together with each heavy breath we took. Our eyes locked.

Noah’s voice became low and raspy. “I know you want me. I could tell the last time in your room how wet you were through your pajamas. You were so ready for me to slide into you. All I did was kiss your stomach and you almost came right in my arms…didn’t you?”

I startled when he yelled demanding an answer. “DIDN’T YOU?!”

I simply nodded. He stepped back away from me. He shook his head and chuckled humorlessly. “You always said I deserved better than you. Maybe you really thought it was you who deserved better than me, because I’m not perfect and you always have to have everything so f*cking perfect.”