Paradise Found: Cain (Paradise #2)(33)

His hand remained at the waist of my shorts, but I straightened, turning my head away from him. Instantly, he stepped back, rubbing a frustrated hand over his short hair and the other hand over the seam of his zipper. He muttered a string of swear words, then twisted and pointed forward for me to lead the way.

I cursed myself as I realized I’d have to wrap around him, in order to get back to his house. The bike didn’t move as fast on our return trip. We glided at a slower pace. Over time, my tension lessened, the ache for him dulled.

By the time we reached his street, my senses returned to me. I had to be clear headed around Cain. One look, one touch from him, and I was hypnotized into actions that I didn’t weigh against the consequences. Our morning activity should have been enough uncontrollable wantonness. In the seclusion of the woods, I’d almost given in again. Nature was a tempting aphrodisiac in matters with Cain. We’d done something similar in the river near Eden. The thought struck me. Each moment with Cain was a constant push and pull of memories revisited. Reality outweighed the recollections, though. Cain hadn’t loved me then any more than he could love me now.

Without a word, I went to my room. It was strange to call it mine. It was unreal to believe the house was ours. I didn’t wish to stay here, but I didn’t have the energy to leave. Nor did I have my car. Still parked near my trashed apartment, I didn’t have the means for escape. On emotional overload, I curled up on the bed to rest.





She’d been alone for hours. I paced my office, making calls about her apartment and following up on my personal investigation. I had my suspicions, but I didn’t want them to be true. I prayed they weren’t a reality. After spending the day on a search for his own clues, Kursch arrived with Sofie’s car. I didn’t want her to feel she was a prisoner, without the means to leave. I had to trust that she would stay. I wanted her to stay.

Eventually, I crept to her room. Knocking softly, I found her door unlocked and her body curled on the bed. Her legs were separated, with one knee bent and positioned higher than the other. Her face was peaceful, angelic, against the pillows. My mind raced before I came upstairs. I’d battled my demons of abandonment long enough. I feared Sofie would leave because of my afternoon foolishness. I didn’t want her to feel I was a threat in anyway. I should have gone to the garage to punch the bag, but instead I wanted to hold her, wrap myself in her calm. The peace present on her cheeks was something I longed to feel.

“Sofie,” I said softly, climbing the bed behind her. I was careful not to jostle her. I didn’t wish to startle her awake, as my ulterior motive was to wrap myself around her and breathe her in again. I slipped a knee between her open thighs then lowered myself to drape half over her. My chest rested partially against her back, and my arm slid over her waist. She nestled into my hold.

“Cain,” she said, sleepily.

“Shhhh,” I whispered. “Just rest.” Nuzzling into her neck, I breathed in the afternoon scent of her. My mind raced to a distant memory.

A voice in the dark. A whimpering cry.

“Don’t make me go,” she pleaded with him. The sound of tears filled the brightly lit room, but I was outside the office.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this to us. To them. You’ve ruined everything,” he growled. I recognized that tone. I imagined the clenched jaw. I’d seen the pressure he enforced on himself, when he tried to remain calm, but couldn’t contain the explosion brewing under the surface.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. You took me to the ring,” she reminded him. The truth of the words was lost to him. He didn’t listen. Even at my young age, I knew he wasn’t hearing her.

“I didn’t force your hand. I didn’t make you take that poison. I didn’t introduce you to him,” he spat. Venom released with his words. His anger was hardly contained and I sensed the clench of his fists. He was holding the pressure within him, the volcano yearning to erupt.

“I never meant for this to happen. I didn’t…I didn’t expect to fall for him.”

The words were heavy and hung in the air. I didn’t know what she meant. Who was him? The tenderness in her voice seemed foreign to my youthful experience. But as I recalled the memory, the sound became clear. Fallen. I recognized that word. It pressed down on me. Fallen. It was said with something familiar. It was said with desire. I’d fallen as well, and I suddenly understood what she meant.

I jolted awake, unaware that I slept. The memory was vivid, the realization strong. Sofie lay under me, her arm twirled around mine, holding me in place. She whispered my name in the dark of the night before her hand gently rubbed up and down over my skin. The touch of her fingertips was soothing. She seemed to sense I’d had a bad dream; only it wasn’t a dream. It was a reality. My mother had left after that night. She was gone in the morning, leaving me wondering. Leaving me alone and afraid as I faced the demon on my own.

Despite having fallen, I couldn’t be weak. The vulnerability of admitting to Sofie how I felt was too much. I couldn’t risk the rejection if she didn’t feel the same way. The pain would be more than any hit I’d endured in a fight. I waited until the heaviness of Sofie’s breathing returned. Her hand fell still. I kissed her shoulder then stole from the bed like the devil that I was. I wanted her to stay, but I’d have to distance myself. I had somewhere else to be anyway. Someone else awaited me.