PULSE (Part Four)(10)

"Rebecca." There's no reason to try and veil the disgust in my voice. "You spit all over me."
"You're saying that Fingers and Cassandra's hornball hubby bet five thousand dollars on f*cking you?" She taps her finger on my bed to accentuate each word.
"I'm saying that exactly, yes." I needed to tell someone after I raced out of Nathan's apartment and Rebecca was the lucky recipient of that news since Bryce was nowhere to be found when I got home.
"That's so weird." It's not the response I expected but if you looked at the situation as a whole, it was actually more than weird. It was bizarre.
"It's weirder than weird," I offer, realizing immediately that comments like that weren't about to help me beat the stereotype of the blonde, big breasted bimbo that I've been fighting against for years.
"Fingers made bank when he f*cked you." She laughs until she realizes I'm not joining in on her merriment. "What's got you so worked up?"
"Rebecca." Her name leaves my lips in a rush. "You're not serious? You wouldn’t be pissed if a guy you were dating made a bet on you?"
"First things first, Jess." She stretches her body out so she's lying right next to me. "You two were f*cking back then, not dating."
"True," I acquiesce. She's right about that. We had only f*cked a few times at that point.
"Second, Drew is a scumbag." She shakes her head as if to ward off any Drew germs that may have infected her just from saying his name. "I'm the one who has heard story after story from Cassandra about him. The guy is a waste of skin."
"He still shouldn't have bet on me." I'm getting tired of trying to convince everyone that Drew and Nathan were wrong. "Neither of them should have done it."
"No arguments from me." She pulls her legs under my blanket. "Just think about one thing."
"What?" I ask as I settle in next to her. "Please don’t say anything about Nathan's cock."
She giggles into my hair. "I don't have to. You dream about Fingers and his magical dick every night."
I laugh out loud and realize this is the first time in weeks I'm actually enjoying myself. "What should I think about?"
"Think about how much he's changed since that night when you first met him." She pokes me playfully in the side with her index finger. "He wouldn't have made that bet last week or two weeks ago, Jess. He didn't really know you back when he did. Don't throw him away for one mistake."

Chapter 11

"You hurt me." My lips skirt over his neck. "You tore me to shreds."
His breath courses hot over my forehead. "I'm lost right now. You get that, right? You know that I can't think or eat or breathe because you f*cking hate me, Jessica."
"I hate what you did," I qualify his statement. "I hate that you used my body to get something for her." I do hate that. I detest that he used his knowledge of Drew's addiction and his desire for me to manipulate money from him.
"I hate myself for that." His hands reach past me to rest on either side of the door to his office. "I hate that I hurt you. It makes me sick when I think about it."
"I'll never forgive you for this." I mean every word. I can't forgive him. I've thought all morning about what Rebecca said to me about throwing Nathan away for the one mistake. It's more than that though. It's the endless lovers he's had, it's the half-truths about Drew and most of all, it's the fact that he sat in that bar and boasted about my body.
"I won't give up until you forgive me, Jessica." His lips graze across my cheek. "I'm never giving up until I'm back inside of you."
"You're going to forget about me." It's not meant as a challenge, it's only an observation based on everything I already know about him. "Your cock is going to need someone and you'll find her and she'll be your new obsession."
He takes a heavy step back as if I've physically assaulted him. I see a veil of pain wash over him, bouncing through his eyes. "No." His tone is raspy, direct and measured.
"Stop it." My words are ripe with impatience. "Just stop pretending I meant anything to you."
He's on me in an instant, his heavy body pressing into mine. "I love you, Jessica."
I cringe when he says the words. I don't want to hear them. I believed them for a brief moment weeks ago. I felt something when he said them in this same office right before I found out about the bet. Back then, I thought there was a chance that this could turn into something substantial. Now, all I feel is regret and distance.
"I love you," he repeats the words, saying them louder this time. "I'm not forgetting about you. I'm going to fix this."
"You can't," I spit back at him. "This is so far past f*cked up that it's not fixable." I don’t mean that. If I meant it, I wouldn’t have come to see him this morning. I wouldn't have thought about throwing all caution to the wind and kissing him. I wouldn't have felt my heart breaking within my chest. If I meant it, it wouldn’t hurt this much.
"I can fix this." His tone is determined and strong. "Tell me how. Jessica, tell me."
"You said…" I feel every defense I've built up since I met him crumbling to my feet in a pool of heated dust. "You said that you f*cked my body to him. I heard it. I heard you talking about me like that."