PULSE (Part Four)(11)

"Christ, no." He pulls my head into his chest, cradling his arms around me. "I didn't mean it like that. You're not just a f*ck. You've never been just a f*ck. Please tell me you get that, Jessica. Tell me."
"I can't stop hearing those words in my head." I pull my hands to my temples. "Hearing you tell him that. Hearing you say it to Drew."
"I just wanted that to be over." His voice pleads as his hands claw at my arms. "I just wanted to get all of that over with and behind me."
"You can't talk about me like that." The words pale in comparison to their meaning. I can't shake the sound of his voice boasting about bedding me.
"Jessica, please." His body is steely against me. His resolve is unwavering. "Tell me what to do. I can't lose you. I can't go back to before you."
"Take back what you said to him." I'm asking him to do the impossible. I'm asking for something he can never give to me.
He pulls me even closer. "I'll make you forget you heard that. I'm going to drown it out. I'll show you."

Chapter 12

"I worked for Cassandra for about two weeks." I'm so tired of all the secrets. I feel like I'm the missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle that makes up all of these people's lives. It's time for me to grow up and take responsibility for my part in the mess that's become my not-so-glamorous life in New York City. He'd been texting me for days now asking about Cassandra. He wants answers, so do I. That's why I'm here.
"What? When?" Drew throws both questions at me with lightning speed. "You worked for my Cassie?"
"I started the day after you and I met at the club." The timing seems insane now that I'm thinking about it. "She was the boss of a close friend and I had an interview. She hired me on the spot."
"You cooked for Allie and Aaron?" Hearing the twins' names coming from him gives them more meaning in some way. Maybe coming to see him at work wasn't such a bad idea after all.
"They're great, Drew." I smile when I think about their angelic faces. "They're so beautiful. You should be really proud of them."
"I am." He nods his head slowly. "I'm trying to be a better dad."
"I didn't know you even knew them." It's not an excuse, it's the truth. "How is it possible that I could meet you and then the next day be hired by your wife?" I cringe once I realize that I should have prefaced that with an ex. Cassandra and him are divorced. I need to honor that and not remind him of the family he isn't a part of anymore.
"You were good to them, weren’t you?"
"All three of them are amazing." I confirm though a smile. "I loved working there."
"I need to say something, Jess." He looks over his shoulder at the kitchen manager. "I only have a few more minutes on my break. I can't get another warning here or I'm out."
"What is it?" I ask suspecting that he's going to bring up the harassing way he treated me back at Axel NY. Since he'd left I'd been prompted to dessert prep and going to work every day was now a joy instead of a nightmare.
"It's about the lawyer," he grumbles. "About that night when you saw us together."
"At the bar?"
He nods before he pulls in an audible breath. "I saw him at the bar when I first got there with some buddies after work."
I'm not sure I want to know what he's about to share. I'm definitely not sure any of it is going to be the truth. "You decided to bring up the bet with him?"
"Not until I saw you." He casually adjusts the buttons on his chef jacket. "I took him a beer and sat where I knew you'd see me."
"Why?"
"I'd been pushing you for weeks, Jess. I thought you'd come over and blast me." He taps his finger on the edge of the table. "I wanted you to come over and blast me."
"You wanted me to get mad at you?" I'm beyond confused. He's not making any sense at all. "You wanted me to punch you?"
He runs his hand along his jaw and chuckles. "That I didn't expect but I deserved it."
I nod and pull a slight grin over my lips. "You did."
"Guys like him have it all. I didn't think anyone would take me up on that bet. When he did and he won, I was gutted." He peers behind me. "I don't have much longer."
"Just tell me, Drew." I try to keep an even tone. "What about that night?"
"He was telling me to go to hell when you walked over and I brought up the bet." He pulls his hand across his brow. "I was telling him that I knew I could f*ck you if I really tried. I was pushing him."
Hearing him tell me that they were discussing my body isn't offering me anything but more fodder for another rage filled outburst. "It doesn't matter." It didn't matter. That was the truth. Knowing that Nathan discussed my body with Drew only adds to my confusion and regret.
"I told him to spell it out. I told him to just say it so we could be clear about what happened with you." I can hear something in his voice that hasn't been there before. It may be regret or it may just be more bullshit.
"I don't really care why he said it," I lie. "You're both still disgusting for making the bet in the first place."
"You're right," he agrees a little too swiftly. "My kids would disown me if they knew I was that pathetic. I need to man up for them. I'm learning to cope with the addiction. I'm going to be a better parent."