Only You (Adair Family #5)(48)

Heart racing now, I exhaled slowly. I never wanted anyone to see me as the coward I saw myself as, but I had a feeling Monroe already did, so I supposed it didn’t matter if Lachlan thought so too. “I’m … uh … I’m a-afraid to get close to anyone. To a woman. I … I think that you’re right. That we’re cursed.”

Lachlan gave me a grim nod of understanding. “To lose the women we love. You know I used to think the same. And I gave Robyn a hellish time because of it. I’m lucky she forgave me and took me back.”

Blood rushed in my ears as I leaned toward my brother. I’d known that Lachlan had felt that way, and that Thane had felt so the opposite he’d gotten a tattoo that meant ‘cursebreaker’ on his shoulder. Thane’s sense of control over life was just another reason I envied the bastard.

However, to admit my fears out loud to Lachlan—to know he truly understood something I’d kept bottled up inside for so long—was such a relief. “How did you get rid of it? The fear?”

My brother gave me a bolstering look. “You don’t get rid of it, Brodan. It lives inside you all the time … But for the sake of the woman I love, I overcome it. Every day. I remind myself that a moment with Robyn is worth any pain I risk in the future. I slipped a bit when she was pregnant, but I had to get over that, too, because she needed me to be strong. She has her own fears, and I have to be the one who makes her feel safe. I have to put her well-being before my demons. Loving someone is to be selfless, Brodan.”

Emotion clogged my throat, and I dropped my head.

Every shitty, selfish fucking thing I’d said to Monroe bounced around in my mind. “What if you’ve hurt the person you love? Damaged them. Can you come back from that?”

Lachlan was silent for a few seconds and then asked, “Is this about Monroe?”

My head came up, meeting his gaze. He flinched at whatever he saw in it.

“You’d be fucking ashamed of me, brother, if you knew half of what I’ve done to her to push her away.”

“Do you love her?”

“She left me. She abandoned me.”

“Do you love her enough to forgive her?”

Hot tears burned in my eyes. Embarrassed, I looked away.

“Brodan?”

I nodded, unable to speak as I forced down the tears.

“Do you love her enough to be selfless?”

I nodded again.

“Then you need to fix whatever is broken between you. You need to make amends, and her amends might follow.”

Swallowing the lump, I asked, voice hoarse, “Is that how you got Robyn back?”

Lachlan nodded, a glint of humor in his eyes. “That, and a fuck ton of groveling.”

My nose wrinkled at the thought. “Seriously? Groveling?”

Laughing at my expression, Lachlan stood and pointed at me. “Just you wait. She’ll have you on your hands and knees, begging for her, before the year is out.”

“I think I’ve got more pride than that.”

“Fine. But unless you flush that pride down the toilet in the name of the woman you love, you’ll have to make do with pride being the only thing in your bed to keep you warm at night.”

I nodded, feeling like I was about to wade into a battle I might not win. Panic flickered through me. “Right. Say goodbye to my pride. Got it.”

The very thought made me restless inside my bones. I muttered a curse under my breath and stood up. “I think I need a run.”

“Robyn runs, too, when she needs to sort out her head.”

“You’re obsessed with that woman.” Maybe giving into love was a terrible idea after all.

“Tell me,” Lachlan drawled mockingly, “when was the last time you didn’t think about Monroe Sinclair?”

Fuck.

I glowered at him. “Point taken.”





19





Monroe





It had been two days since Brodan metaphorically gutted me. School was a much-needed distraction. But in the hours before and after class, the memory of him tormented me.

Coming home had been a huge mistake. I couldn’t wait for the school year to pass so I could get the hell out of there.

Another distraction came in the form of Mum. On top of her hip issues, she’d developed osteoarthritis. She had an appointment with a specialist, so I’d taken the day off school to drive her to and from Inverness.

It was around one o’clock by the time we returned to her cottage. She’d been quiet and docile the entire morning, a reprieve from her acerbic tongue. In fact, it made me brave enough to bring up my dad again in the hopes of getting some answers this time.

I finished making tea in the small kitchen and took a cup and some biscuits to Mum, who sat at the dining table.

Sucking in a breath, I decided to say it before I lost my nerve. “I’m going to track down Dad. Arro says Mac could find him.” It was true. We’d had coffee again last week, and when I’d told Arro about my father, she’d offered Mac’s expertise.

Mum froze for a second, holding the cup in midair before her lips pinched tightly together.

Trying not to heave a sigh of exasperation, I walked into her small kitchen to wash the dishes she’d let pile up last night.

“Why?”