Only You (Adair Family #5)(47)

The condom.

Because we just had sex.

I did not see that coming.

“Brodan?”

He shot me an unreadable look before he bent down to pick up his discarded coat. His eyes came back to mine as he shrugged it on. “So … how did I compare to Arran?”

Pain so extreme sliced through me, he might as well have stuck me with a knife.

Realization dawned.

He’d kissed me back … and fucked me for revenge.

To hurt me even more.

A chill crawled through me. I needed it. I needed to feel nothing but cold because otherwise, I’d break in front of him. And I wouldn’t give the bastard the satisfaction.

“Get out. Now.”

For once, he listened.

Brodan spun on his heel and marched out of the room and through the small caravan. The door slammed shut behind him seconds later, and a minute after that I heard the crunch of gravel as his car left.

I crawled off the bed, clutching my stomach like I’d actually been gutted, and I pushed into the tiny bathroom. With the shower on as hot as it would go, I stripped out of my thermals, promising to burn them later, and stepped under the hot spray. I scrubbed at my skin, trying to wash him away, my sobs filling the small room like a thunderstorm breaking the heat.





18





Brodan





It was official.

I was a selfish fucking prick.

The words on the page of my book blurred every five seconds.

Monroe.

I couldn’t get the woman out of my head.

Her breathy moans, the scent of her perfume, the feel of her tight and throbbing and hot around me.

Then the look on her face at the words even I couldn’t believe had come out of my mouth.

Betrayal.

I’d never seen her wear that brittle expression before. Like every warm feeling she’d ever had for me died with just a few words.

All because I’d been scared shitless of what I felt as I moved inside her.

Like I was finally home.

That was terrifying, so I’d lashed out.

I wasn’t even angry about her sleeping with Arran anymore. I’d let go of that years ago. It was what came after that had wrecked me. Because Monroe Sinclair had abandoned me when so much shit was going on in my life, proving what I’d always feared.

The Adair men were cursed to lose the women they loved.

But every time I punished her for breaking me, I hated myself a little more.

I had to forgive Monroe or leave her behind for good.

This morning I’d taken another of Ery’s yoga and mindfulness classes, but even that didn’t help. Ery had watched me, concern wrinkling her brow, and I hurried from the class as soon as she called its end.

At the knock on my suite door, I dropped my book onto the bed and crossed the room to answer it.

“Lachlan?” I stared at my eldest brother, his eyes bloodshot with exhaustion. “Come in.”

He gave me a closed-mouth smile and patted me on the shoulder as he passed. Closing the door, I turned as he took in the suite that used to be his.

“Feeling nostalgic?” I teased.

Lachlan threw a smirk over his shoulder as he moved about the room. “Only for the times Robyn and I shared in here without interruption.”

Grinning, I sat down on the edge of the bed as he lowered himself into an armchair. “No sex for the new parents, then?”

He scrubbed a hand down his face. “We’re honestly too exhausted.”

Sympathetic, I assured, “I’ve heard it passes. Things will get easier.”

Lachlan nodded. “I know. And believe it or not, it is worth it.”

Aye, I was beginning to think maybe it was. “What brings you here, then?”

“I was checking in with Aria and Mac. Everything looks good, though.”

Remembering my curiosity over Walker’s admirer, whom I’d since seen around the castle, I said, “You’ve got a new housekeeper. Sloane. American.”

He frowned. “My staff are off-limits, Brodan.”

Annoyed, I held up my hands defensively. “Not interested like that. She just … I was curious because she’s American and I think she has a thing for Walk.”

His frown deepened. “She was a hire of Aria’s. Some connection to the family, so I agreed to house her and her daughter in one of the lodges on Loch Ardnoch.”

“A connection to the Howards?” I raised an eyebrow.

Shrugging, Lachlan sighed. “I trust Wesley and, by default, Aria, so I’m not seeking answers to information they haven’t provided themselves. Aria is doing an excellent job as hospitality manager and making my life easier, so this is the least I can do. Fuck, I’m so tired.”

I gave my brother a piercing look. “You sure marriage and fatherhood are worth it?”

Lachlan sat forward in his seat, elbows to his knees. “Are you asking for a specific reason?”

Taking a breath, I opened a topic of conversation neither of us probably wanted to dive into. But I needed to. For Monroe’s sake. “Arran told me you both got drunk at the anniversary ceilidh this year. You got blootered because you feared something happening to Robyn during childbirth … because of Mum.”

My eldest brother’s scowl deepened. “That’s true. Why do you mention it?”