Only You (Adair Family #5)(18)

He shuddered and then this fierceness took over his expression as he suddenly straddled me. Looming above, his shoulders so broad, his body so big, I’d never felt the differences between us more. I’d never felt more fragile and feminine.

A glance down his body revealed he was not unaffected.

His hard-on was clearly visible through his sweatpants.

My breasts swelled at the knowledge he really wanted me, and my nipples hardened. Brodan noted this as I wasn’t wearing a bra with this dress, and his grip on my thigh tightened.

Then his fingers slipped beneath my underwear, and his thumb found my clit.

“Brodan,” I gasped, my hips arching into his touch.

He braced his free hand at the side of my head and leaned over me, his eyes holding mine as he rubbed his thumb over the sensitive bundle of nerves between my thighs. I reached for him, needing something to hold on to, my fingers gripping his back, drawing him closer. Our breaths met, our faces so close as he played me.

And then he pushed his fingers inside me at the same time, and shivers cascaded down my spine. “Brodan.”

“Roe,” he panted against my lips. “Roe. So tight. Fuck. Roe.”

In some part of my brain, I couldn’t believe this was happening, but forefront of any thought was chasing the sensations rioting through me. At every thrust of his fingers, I arched my hips, riding his touch. The tension inside me grew tauter and tauter with each thrust, my heartbeat rushing and pounding in my ears.

Then suddenly my body locked, and Brodan slammed his mouth down over mine a second before that tension shattered into a million glorious pieces. My inner muscles tightened so hard around his fingers, it drew him further inside me, and Brodan grunted against my mouth. His kiss was suddenly ferocious. His fingers pulled out of me and then his hand was on my breast, squeezing and shaping it as he ground his hips between my legs. He nudged his arousal into me, and I could only hold on to him as he kissed me with a thrilling sexual hunger.

A chill blasted over my body as Brodan practically threw himself off.

I blinked at the abrupt distance between us and sat up on my elbows to find Brodan panting and staring at me as if he’d never seen me before.

Dread filled me, and I sat up, drawing my knees tight to my chest.

Brodan took in the move, and something like pain shot through his expression before he reached out to draw one of my hands to his mouth. He kissed my knuckles and squeezed his eyes closed. “Nothing changes,” he said hoarsely. “Promise me, nothing changes.” When he opened his eyes, he was no longer hiding his pain or his fear. “I can’t lose you, Roe.”

I didn’t understand.

He clearly felt about me how I felt about him, or the last blissful minutes wouldn’t have happened.

Whatever he saw in my eyes made him clasp my hand between both of his and plead, “Please.”

“You enjoyed it. I know you did,” I whispered feebly.

“Roe.” He hung his head, still gripping onto me.

When he said nothing else, I tugged on my hand, wanting to run as fast and far from him as possible. Because clearly his enjoyment wasn’t about me. He’d just reacted like a typical horny teenage boy. Fuck!

Brodan’s head whipped up as he held tight to me. “No. Don’t. Look …” He took a breath before he confessed, “If I wanted something serious with a girl, it would be with you, Monroe.”

My heart soared—

“But I will never want that with anyone.”

What?

“It’s not in me to want that. I won’t become my dad. He lost Mum and just stopped living, Roe. He barely exists. I won’t become like him because I’m stupid enough to get serious with someone. I decided a long time ago that my life would be a series of casual fucks.” He leaned toward me, his eyes light with emotion. “You will never be a casual fuck. So we’re friends. You’re my best friend. And I cannot lose you just because I think you’re gorgeous.”

For the last five years, I’d wanted nothing more than to hear Brodan Adair tell me he thought I was pretty.

Now part of me wished he never had.

But as he begged, “Don’t leave me because of this. Please. I can’t lose you, Roe, so please just pretend with me. Pretend like this never happened. It should never have happened,” he ended in a pained, rough whisper.

And because I could see the genuine turmoil and fear in his expression, I put Brodan’s feelings above mine and murmured, “It never happened. I promise.”

However, as I let myself into the house I hated coming home to after Brodan walked me back into town, I couldn’t help that little bloom of hope that sprung to life inside me.

Brodan had said if he could be serious with anyone, it would be me.

So … I just had to play the waiting game.

I just had to wait for the day that Brodan Adair grew out of his trauma, out of his fears.

I could be patient for the one I loved. Especially after experiencing a tiny moment of what it would be like between us.

When he was ready, I’d be the one he chose.





7





Brodan





PRESENT DAY





* * *



It was a copout. Asking Walker to make all my decisions for me. It was a bloody copout, and I knew it.