Only You (Adair Family #5)(15)

Just wait, I thought as I followed Brodan into the castle. In a year’s time, I’d be graduating from high school and on my way to university, where surely I’d meet a boy who could make me fall out of love with my best friend.

As Brodan took a left instead of a right, I frowned. “Where are we going?”

Ardnoch Castle was too big for the family to afford to use the entire place. In fact, they only used a few rooms. The rest of the castle was dank, dark, and a bit creepy. As kids, we’d explored every inch too.

Brodan threw a smile over his shoulder and then grabbed my hand, pulling me along after him. I wanted to tighten my fingers around his, but forced myself not to. To my surprise, he led me to the door to the castle’s only turret.

“What are we doing?”

“C’mon.”

We climbed the narrow stone staircase within, up to the next door, and when we stepped out, I sucked in a breath.

As children, we played in the turret. It was our place, where we’d tell each other all our secrets. It was the place I’d finally told Brodan that my dad hurt me and where he’d begged me to tell someone. I’d pleaded with him in return to keep my secret, and he had until that fateful day almost five years ago.

Brodan had turned our place into a campout. He’d strung fairy lights everywhere, so it didn’t look so cold and gloomy. He brought in multiple sleeping bags, duvets, and a large picnic basket filled with snacks.

“What is this?” I asked him in wonder.

My best friend looked down at me. He was now taller than Thane, almost as tall as Lachlan. That put him exactly a foot taller than me. Not a comfortable height difference, and one of the many small reasons I compiled to remind myself that Brodan and I would never be more than friends.

I’d started dating Phil in December of last year because I knew it was time to move on from these feelings for Brodan. Sometimes, however, when he looked at me the way he was looking at me now, he made it really hard to forget that I was in love with him.

“I thought maybe if I brought you here …” He shrugged, looking around at the place filled with memories. “You’d talk to me.”

“Brodan—”

“Don’t.” He gave me a wounded look. “Don’t say you’re fine. I know you’re not. Did I do something? Is that why you won’t talk to me anymore?”

I shook my head, feeling guilty for shutting him out. “No, of course not.”

“Then why?” Those blue eyes were so hurt and troubled. “We haven’t even graduated yet, and I feel like I’m losing you. That fucking kills, Roe.”

This was the problem when you were as close as Brodan and me. We’d always told each other exactly how we were feeling. Never afraid to be vulnerable. Until I fell in love with him and closed down communication. Things between us had not been the same for a few years, but I’d acted my arse off so Brodan wouldn’t feel that distance.

I guessed I’d just grown tired of pretending.

That wasn’t his fault, though.

He didn’t ask me to fall in love with him.

“Talk to me,” Brodan pleaded.

With a sigh, I walked over to the bed of blankets and sleeping bags, kicked off my trainers, and sat, legs out, leaning back on my hands. Brodan took this in and approached, eyes glued to my face as if searching for something. He kicked off his trainers and sat beside me, mirroring my body language.

“Mum has been particularly shitty lately,” I told him quietly. “She keeps trying to talk me out of uni, telling me it’s a waste of my time, that I’ll fail. And everything I do around the house isn’t enough. My weekend job at the store isn’t enough.” I’d been working at the general store every weekend for over a year. “Never enough.” Apparently, that was a theme in my life. Sometimes it seemed impossible that I could feel so much for Brodan and not have him feel it back. Other boys found me attractive, so it really bloody stung that he didn’t.

Mind you, he was Brodan. He was the best-looking guy in Ardnoch. Maybe even the entire county. Not that his looks were the primary reason I was in love with or even attracted to him. I loved Brodan’s openness with me when he was so closed off with anyone outside of his family. I loved that I knew things about him no one else did, like how he still enjoyed eating Chewits and ready-salted crisps at the same time. A “delicacy” he’d discovered when we were kids. Yuck. I smiled to myself at the thought. I loved how loyal he was to me and his family. He was popular, but he wasn’t a bully. He treated everyone with the kindness they deserved until they proved otherwise, but even then, he wasn’t mean. If you were a shitty person, he just wouldn’t give you his time.

But yeah, I was attracted to him.

My body reacted to his in a way that it never reacted to Phil’s.

I didn’t feel that deep tug of need in my belly when I looked at Phil, the way I did when I focused on Brodan’s hands or his broad back and shoulders. I didn’t get butterflies when Phil smiled at me, but I sure as hell did whenever Brodan gave me his boyish grin.

“I can’t wait for you to get away from that woman.” Brodan brought my thoughts back to the confession about my mum. He turned his head to look at me. “You know she’s wrong, right? She’s just scared of being alone, so she’s saying anything to make you stay.”