Only You (Adair Family #5)(16)

I shrugged, as if I didn’t care. “It’s only pushing me further away.”

“I’m sorry.” He nudged me with his arm. “You deserve so much better.”

I gave him a sad smile.

“So, is she the only reason you’ve been quiet lately? You haven’t spent much time with Phil …,” he said with an uncharacteristic tentativeness. However, the truth was Brodan didn’t talk to me about Phil unless he had to. I think it was weird for him that I’d started dating. I think maybe he wanted me to stay in a place where he didn’t have to acknowledge I was a girl.

“We broke up.” I smoothed the hem of my dress, even though it didn’t need smoothing. When I glanced at Brodan to see his reaction to my news, I found his attention on my hemline. Or my legs. Sensing my stare, his eyes jerked to mine.

“When did you break up?”

“A week ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was processing.”

Brodan scowled. “Please don’t tell me you’re upset about it. He wasn’t good enough for you, Sunset. I’m fucking glad you broke up.”

Indignation roared through me. “Nice.”

He sighed. “I’m just being honest. The guy is a prick.”

“There is nothing wrong with Phil. If anyone wasn’t good enough for anybody, I wasn’t good enough for him.”

Scoffing, Brodan shook his head. “He’s lucky you gave him the time of day. I still don’t know why you did.”

“Because he was nice. And funny. I didn’t treat him right. Brodan, I just … I didn’t … I’m not like you. I can’t just have sex with someone and be okay about it if I don’t have genuine feelings for them.”

My friend shot up, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He gaped out of the small turret window, sounding choked as he asked, “Did you … did you have sex with Phil?”

At his disbelieving tone, I felt a mix of anger and hurt. “That’s so hard to believe?”

Brodan swallowed hard, still not looking at me. “No, ’course not. I just didn’t realize you were that serious about him.”

“It wasn’t that I was serious about him. I wanted to have sex, so we had sex.”

“Right.”

At his refusal to look at me, hurt won over, and I felt myself retreating. “I’m going to go.”

He whipped around, his hand landing on my knee. “No. No, don’t.”

My skin tingled where he touched me. Brodan used to touch me casually all the time. It never used to bother me. Now it was like being hit by a jolt of electricity. “Can you handle talking about this? I’m not Arro, you know.”

Brodan wrinkled his nose as he removed his hand from my leg and wrapped his arms around his knees again. “One, Arro is never allowed to have sex, ever. Not happening. Sex does not exist for Arrochar Adair.”

I giggled, and Brodan’s expression lightened.

“Two”—his gaze drifted over my face and quickly swept my body before he looked away—“you’re not my sister, Roe. We’re best buds. We can talk about anything.” He met my eyes again. “I promise.”

“I can talk to you about this?”

“Of course.” Suddenly, his countenance darkened. “Did he hurt you?”

“No.” I grimaced. “But it was bad.” So bad, it might have put me off sex for good if I wasn’t so sure that there was something missing.

Brodan ran a hand through his hair, something he did when he was uncomfortable. “Uh … well, the first time is supposed to be weird.”

Now that he’d promised I could talk to him about this, I wanted Brodan’s advice. Even though I hated the thought of him with other girls, he was experienced, and his opinion mattered. “We did it more than once, and it didn’t stop being weird. I think maybe we skipped some parts. Like … foreplay.” My cheeks burned, but I was proud of myself for being bold enough to put it out there.

Brodan’s head whipped around, and my cheeks only burned hotter at his aghast expression. “He didn’t even … did he not …” His eyes dragged down my body again, and he looked away, shoving that bloody hand through his hair once more as he gritted out, “Please tell me he didn’t just … that he …”

“Wow, choke it out, Brodan. I thought we established I’m not Arro. You said we could talk about this stuff.”

His glower could have incinerated me. “I fucking know you’re not my wee sister.”

What did that mean?

My eyes widened, but feeling something shift between us, I pushed. “Okay, so tell me where Phil went wrong, or I’m giving up on sex for good and never talking about anything with you ever again.”

Brodan’s eyes narrowed at my challenge, and he turned his body toward me. “Fine. Did he just stick his dick in you without getting you ready?”

I was pretty sure my entire body flushed beetroot. “Do you have to be so blunt?”

“You asked for it.” He smirked, delighted by my reaction.

Fine. Challenge accepted. This was just like when we were kids and Brodan kept teasing and daring me to ride my bike down the highest point of a quarry north of Ardnoch. When I’d made a move to take on his challenge, he roared in panicked outrage and then physically hauled me away from the quarry. He was so mad and frightened, I felt awful afterward. But he’d learned never to dare me to do something he didn’t really want me to do.