One Day Soon (One Day Soon, #1)(104)

“Doesn’t mean he wasn’t right.” He straightened his shoulders and pulled out the second room key. “Let get inside. We spend too much time in the cold.”

I reached out and grabbed his hand before he could walk away. “Don’t blame yourself for Bug. There’s nothing you, or anyone, could have done to save him. He made his choices.”

Yoss’s eyes gleamed in the streetlight. “Yes, he did. We all make our choices, don’t we?” I hated this side of Yoss. This part of him that too easily blamed himself, who was mired in guilt.

I wanted to see the Yoss who walked with hope in his eyes and a smile on his face. It had been too long since I had seen that Yoss.

We went back inside and Yoss threw the deadbolt over the door.

“Come to bed,” I told him, pulling on his hand. I ran my hand through his damp hair. His skin was cold to the touch.

The room was hushed. I could hear our breathing. Intense.

I needed to be close to him. More than I needed anything. I wanted the connection that I felt only with him. I felt as though we were walking along the edge of a cliff. We were dangerously close to falling over.

What would we do when we finally fell?

“You need to sleep, Imi,” he said so, so quietly, watching me as I took off my sweatshirt again. Eyes heating as I kicked off my jeans. I stood before him in my bra and underwear. Too skinny. Hair stringy and scraggly down my back. Scrapes and bruises on my legs.

But I had never felt more beautiful.

“I’ve slept enough,” I whispered, scared to speak any louder. The room became hot. Heavy. Full of promises and longing.

Slowly, so slowly, he leaned down and kissed my mouth. I remained perfectly still, not wanting to move too much in case he stopped.

I felt it. The moment when the walls came down. Slowly. Brick by brick we dismantled the last barrier between us.

Yoss undressed. Then I could touch him. All of him. Nothing between us. It was a heady feeling. Overwhelming. Like the love that rushed through my body unheeded.

Yoss laid me down on the bed. He was all shadow as he loomed over me. But I could feel him. His hand on my face. His bare leg against mine. His naked chest beneath my palm.

The beat, beat, beat of his constant heart.

He kissed my cheeks. My eyelids. My chin. He ran his thumb down the side of my neck and it was then that I realized how much skin was touching. We had never been like this before.

I could feel him.

Everywhere.

“I just keep wondering what the hell we’re doing,” Yoss said, his lips against mine.

I twined my hands around his neck, my fingers easing up into the strands of his hair. I nuzzled into his neck, breathing him in. He smelled like cigarette smoke, soap from the shower, and something sweeter. Something that hit me right in the heart.

He smelled like my Yoss.

I kissed the soft, steady thumping at the base of his throat. His skin was salty on my tongue.

“Imi,” he breathed, his hands running down my side as he lifted my legs to wrap them around his waist, his fingers digging into my thighs.

“We can’t keep going like this,” he rasped as I pressed against him. I could feel how hard he was and we both groaned.

“We’ll figure it out, Yoss. As long as we’re together, everything will be okay.” I pulled him down and kissed him again. Insistent. My tongue swept along the curve of his mouth and he parted his lips, letting me in.

“You really believe that?” he asked, rolling his hips gently as I arched up to meet him. My belly fluttered madly and every part of me was on fire.

“I believe in us,” I declared and then we weren’t talking anymore.

“I want to see you.” Yoss reached over and turned on the bedside lamp.

The light was harsh and I had to close my eyes for a moment. When I opened them again I found Yoss staring down at me with something like wonder on his face. Something like joy.

Something like out of control panic.

I was almost completely naked underneath him. He was between my thighs and the only thing separating us were thin strips of fabric. He wanted me. I could feel it.

It scared me. I was a virgin after all. I had enough friends tell me that the first time hurt.

But I knew that the only person I wanted to share this part of me with was Yoss. He owned my heart. I wanted him to have my body as well.

He didn’t seem so sure though.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Even as he said the words, he ran his hand up my stomach, inch by inch until he was cupping my breast. I moaned, leaning into his palm.

“It’s the best idea we ever had,” I argued, wiggling against him, loving the friction between us.

“The things I’ve done, Imi—”

I quickly sat up, his hand dropping from my body. I leaned up on my knees until we were nose to nose. His eyes were bright. Too bright. I saw the love he felt for me.

But I also saw the shame.

And that I couldn’t tolerate. Not for a moment.

“I don’t care what you’ve done before. I love you. That’s not conditional. I don’t agree with the things you’ve done, but I also know you were desperate and doing what you had to do to stay alive.” I framed his face with my hands. “Just promise me you won’t do it again. That you’ll find another way. Because once we share this, I don’t want you to be with anyone else. No matter the reason.”