One Day Soon (One Day Soon, #1)(105)

Yoss looked conflicted. “I hate the things I’ve had to do. But if it puts food in your stomach—”

“Then I’ll gladly starve!” I declared emphatically. “And I’ll smile because I know you won’t be giving them what belongs to me.” I kissed him harshly. Brutally. Teeth clanging together. Tongues tangled. I pulled away and we were both panting. “What belongs to you.”

I stared into his eyes, never looking away. “Promise me, Yoss! Promise you won’t give this away to anyone else. That you won’t let anyone else touch you.”

“I promise,” he whispered, closing his eyes as tears slid down his cheeks creating long, painful trails. “I’d give you whatever you asked for. I want to remember what it feels like not to be ashamed. Not to feel sick inside. To be able to love without guilt and regret.”

I brushed the hair back from his face. “I’ll help you. That’s my promise to you.”

Then we were kissing. And touching.

The last of our clothes were discarded and we were finally skin to skin. Yoss paused, positioned between my legs. I felt him in the most sensitive, intimate places. But we weren’t close enough. Not nearly enough.

“Wait, Imogen. We can’t yet,” Yoss rasped, and I wanted to scream with frustration.

I had been waiting so long to be like this with him. I felt like he was throwing obstacle after obstacle up to stop us.

“If you don’t want to…if I’m not…I mean, I don’t want to make you…” I stuttered and tripped over my words, feeling the crushing sense of rejection.

I tried to wiggle out from underneath him wanting to curl into a ball and hide. Yoss held me still, refusing to let me move.

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” he said firmly. “I want to be inside of you. Nothing will stop me from feeling you everywhere.”

I flushed at his words. “Then what’s the problem?”

“I can’t…I mean, we can’t…” Yoss looked away, suddenly shy. “We need protection. I won’t put you at risk. I don’t know if I’m…if I have anything. I love you. I want to be with you. But I won’t risk your health,” he let out in a rush.

Protection.

Where the hell were we going to get that?

“Oh. Okay. Well, that makes sense,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment.

“I have condoms. In my wallet. I always have them,” Yoss explained. He didn’t need to say why he had to be prepared.

Don’t think about that! I screamed at myself.

Not now. Not when we’re like this!

Yoss crawled off the bed and dug into the pocket of his jeans, retrieving his wallet.

I felt completely exposed, lying naked on the bed. I awkwardly covered up with the blanket, trying not to stare as he tore open the foil packet and rolled the condom on.

I was fascinated, even if I felt a little pervy for ogling him.

When he was finished, he came back to the bed, giving me a soft, sweet smile. He saw that I was completely wrapped in the blanket and raised an eyebrow.

“Are you cold?”

I shook my head. “I feel a little like a turkey waiting to be eaten on Thanksgiving.” I laughed nervously.

Yoss chuckled and slipped under the covers with me. I could feel his latex covered erection against my belly and my throat went dry.

“Are you okay? If you don’t want to—” Yoss started, but I cut him off. With a kiss.

“Does that answer your question?” I asked.

“Yeah. I think so.” His voice broke slightly and he let out a long, pent up breath.

“Are you okay?” We were asking each other that question a lot. I didn’t know sex required so much talking.

“I’m not a virgin, Imi. You know that,” he began. This wasn’t something I wanted to discuss. Not now.

“But I feel like I am.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me flush against him. “Because this is the first time it will mean something. For the first time, I’ll feel it here.” He placed my hand over his heart. He smiled. “So I’m nervous. Really nervous,” he admitted.

“Me too,” I whispered.

Yoss kissed me again and this time he didn’t stop.

Hands. Tongues. Lips.

They were everywhere.

He entered me slowly. Achingly so. It hurt. A lot.

But the pain was secondary to the incredible closeness I felt when he pushed inside me.

It was a feeling I’d never forget.

Ever.

“Imi. I love you. God I love you,” he groaned into my mouth as we started to move together. His tears fell on my face, mingling with my own.

We sobbed.

We laughed.

We promised.

We fell apart.

And when it was over I knew that neither of us would ever be the same.

I loved him with the foolish loyalty of a na?ve heart. Every piece of me belonged to the lost, lonely boy who had saved me. He held on and I would never let go.

Because I knew that when I gave him my heart, he’d never give it back.

“Let’s leave. Today. Somewhere new. Far away from here,” I said afterwards. Yoss’s fingers trailed lazily up and down my back. Sweat cooled on fevered skin.

He kissed the top of my head that was tucked comfortably underneath his chin.