One Day Soon (One Day Soon, #1)(109)

I froze. He hadn’t said those words. Not in fifteen years. It terrified me that he was saying them now.

“I love you,” he said again, his voice sounding as though he were choking on glass.

“Come on, Yoss! If you don’t want me to call an ambulance, we’re going to the hospital right now!” I pulled on his arm, making him sit up.

“Call an ambulance? Why? They’re only a block away. Bug told me.” He wasn’t making any sense. He seemed confused. Out of sorts.

And the blood was still dripping onto his shirt. I grabbed a handful of tissues and pressed it against his nose to staunch the flow. “Hold this against your nose. Can you get to your feet?”

“I’m not sure why we need to go to the store,” Yoss murmured, slumping down.

“Yoss! Come on now, I can’t carry you. I need you to try to stand up.”

His hands fell limply to his side, his chin hitting his chest.

“Yoss!”

He didn’t wake up.

So I called nine-one-one.

One day soon we’ll dance on the sand…

Not all happy stories have happy endings.





Fifteen Years Ago

It was after ten o’clock when we woke up. Happy. Relaxed.

Before the real world crashed into our blissful bubble.

“We have to leave soon. We should have another shower and get dressed,” Yoss suggested, kissing my shoulder. Neither of us moved. Not in a rush to leave this momentary sanctuary.

I was sore. My muscles ached but I didn’t mind. It was a pain that I welcomed.

“I wish we could stay here forever,” I sighed.

Yoss rolled me onto my back and ran his hands through my hair. “I can think of better places to stay forever than a cheap motel room with scratchy sheets,” he laughed. He kissed the side of my neck. “Now come on, before Mae barges in here.”

I sat up, covering my bare chest with the sheet and watched as he gathered his clothes. “How do you know Mae?” I asked him, having forgotten about the strange greeting she had given him the night before in the heat of things that came afterwards.

Yoss paused before going into the bathroom. “Oh you know, just around,” he replied dismissively.

“Yoss.”

He looked at me, dark hair falling into his eyes. “Stop hiding things you think I shouldn’t know. If I ask you a question, I want an answer. Don’t evade me.”

Yoss mouth thinned and there was a noticeably tick in his jaw. “I’ve known Mae for a long time.”

“Really? How is that?” I pressed. I too often let things drop when I shouldn’t. I instinctively shied away from information I was scared to know or Yoss didn’t want to give me.

But if we were going to have a life together, that had to change.

I couldn’t love half a man.

I needed all of him.

His secrets.

His truths.

Everything.

Yoss came back to the bed and sat down. “Sometimes I come here,” he admitted.

I knew.

His eyes met mine. Shame. So much of it. It coated him in grime and bled from his mouth with words I wished I didn’t have to hear.

“With my…with the men…” He stumbled and fell over honesty.

“Oh,” I said quietly, sickened at the thought of sleeping in a bed that he had already lain in.

Touching someone else the way he had touched me.

How would I ever reconcile myself with the things he had done? Would it always be in the back of my mind? Taunting me? Laughing at my foolishness?

“Manny keeps a few rooms available. He pays Mae to have them ready.” Yoss was pale and he swallowed thickly. “I’ve never stayed here though. Not in this room,” he hastily added.

As if that were a consolation.

“It doesn’t matter though. We’re leaving today. We won’t ever see Manny again,” I said a little desperately with a bravado I wasn’t sure I actually possessed.

“Right,” Yoss agreed, rising to his feet. “Do you want the shower first?”

I shook my head. I felt disquieted. Uneasy. Yoss wouldn’t quite look at me. I was scared to really look at him.

After everything we had shared the night before I should have been jubilant. Excited. But Yoss’s demeanor was off. Guilty maybe.

Don’t be ridiculous! I chided myself. He’s still grieving! We both are! Give him a break! Stop looking for problems. We’re leaving today. Focus on that!

I heard the water turn on in the bathroom and got out of bed.

I stood in the middle of the motel room, wishing I wasn’t imagining Yoss here. With faceless other people.

It made me feel dirty.

It made me want to scream.

Instead I cried.

I had to learn to let this go. But could I?

And why didn’t I trust Yoss to do the same?

Not able to shake the sense of unease, I went into the bathroom and pulled back the shower curtain, stepping into the hot water behind Yoss.

His head was bowed, the water streaming over his slumped shoulders.

He was folding in on himself. Crumbling under the weight of things he wouldn’t share.

I ran my hands up his back and felt him shudder beneath my palm. I leaned in and placed my lips between his shoulder blades, kissing softly. So softly.