Not Today, But Someday(33)

“This wasn’t your fault,” I tell her.

“No, it wasn’t,” she agrees. “But I’ll be more aware of my actions, and of the actions of whomever is with me. Maybe there were things that I could have done differently. Maybe there were signs. I wasn’t looking for either, because I never imagined this would happen.”

“He’s a horrible man, Mom.”

“He was once a good man. What he did to our family is horrible. Those are two different things, though.”

“Not in my mind,” I tell her. “He’s ruined my life.”

“Oh, honey,” she says, putting her arm around my shoulder and pulling me into her. “He hasn’t ruined mine... so I won’t believe that he’s ruined yours. He’s just made it more real. He’s teaching you lessons you may not have wanted to learn, but maybe it will just prepare you for things, later in life.”

“I don’t want to ever have to be prepared for a man to cheat on me, Mom. That’s why it will just be easier to stay single.”

“You are my stubborn child,” she says. “I just hope you don’t expect me to stay single forever.”

“I don’t,” I tell her. “I want you to find the most handsome, richest, smartest man in the world... and I want your wedding to be broadcast on every news channel in America so Dad has to watch it... to see what he lost.”

“I think he already knows, Emi. I know you don’t want to hear this, but this wasn’t an easy decision for him to make.”

“No, I’m never going to feel sorry for him, Mom. Never. I wish you wouldn’t, either.”

“Like I said, you can’t just turn feelings off. I would have done it already if I could.”

“I know, Mom. I think you’re amazing, though. And we don’t need him. We don’t need any man.”

“Well, it would be nice if someone would fix the leaky faucet, and your brother has been no use,” she jokes with me. “Sometimes, they are just nice to have around.”

I think about last night, how well I slept even though the cushions were quite hard on the wood floor. Nate has a calming effect on me. He was definitely nice to have around. “I can see that.”





Later that night, the phone rings as I’m laying in bed, decidedly not wanting to read this love story. “Emi, it’s Jen!” Mom calls out from downstairs. I pick up the cordless phone on my night stand.

“Well?” I have no doubt why she’s calling. “Mom, I got it!” I yell down to her, having not heard her hang up. I grip the comforter in anticipation, wondering how I should react. I blew it last night. I can’t do that again.

“No baby!” she says loudly as soon as we both hear the click of the phone. I know she’s happy by the jubilant sound of her voice.

“Thank God!” I breathe a huge sigh of relief. It’s my natural reaction, and a good one, I think.

“No kidding. Because that man should not procreate,” she laughs.

“No, he absolutely shouldn’t,” I agree.

“I’m going out to celebrate,” she tells me. “I’ll call you later this week, okay?”

“Okay. I love you, Jen.”

“Love you, too, sis.”

“Jen? Be careful, ‘kay?”

“I will,” she says. “I promise.”





CHAPTER 12 - NATE





Halfway through my cigarette, I check the time. Twenty minutes until art. I just hope I can hold it together. I hope it’s not awkward between us. I hope she can’t read what’s been on my mind non-stop since I left her on her doorstep yesterday morning.

Still sleep-deprived– three hours isn’t enough since Friday night – I realize I’m not thinking clearly. I’d painted nearly non-stop, trying to focus, to get the frustration out, but nothing had worked. Taking one last drag, I hope it calms me enough to act normal for the next hour and a half.

Since the lunch period is still on-going, I don’t have to sneak in, and go in the side doors to the cafeteria. I see Emi first, and just as jealousy spikes in the pit of my stomach, I realize she’s sitting with her brother. The two of them sit across from one another at the end of a table, deep in conversation. She’s laughing, which is a welcome change from the sullen girl I met on Friday and the angry one I’d spent my Saturday evening with. This is the Emi I left on the steps. The one that called out to me that she liked me.

Her brother had not been so welcoming Sunday morning, and I decide to try and talk to him. Fingernails digging into my hand stop me on the way to their corner of the room.

“Hey, Nate.” Lauren greets me wearing a smile and a nearly-sheer dress. A very short one.

“Hey,” I tell her, politely removing my hand from hers and shifting my books in my hands to give them a purpose. “You look, um...” I’m speechless. She looks sexy, and this is exactly what I don’t need to see right now. “Nice dress.”

“Thanks,” she says flirtatiously. “I was going to wear it Saturday night, if you’d have come over.”

“Yeah, it almost does look better-suited for a bedroom,” I tell her, my voice quieter. She holds the hem of the dress delicately in her fingers, lifting it just enough to make my imagination go crazy. I lower my books below my belt. “Listen, I’ve got to catch up on some homework with a friend,” I say, needing to get away from her before I do something I’ll regret.