Not If I See You First(43)
“Not in the mornings, just lunchtime. I thought we could take a walk over to the Bio Garden.”
Saved.
“Okay. Let me text Sarah so she doesn’t wonder where I am.”
“Sure thing.”
Jason found me and we’re going for a walk. Heal the heartsick without me.
I stow my cane in my bag and take Jason’s arm.
Quack.
“Okay, have fun,” Matron Sarah replies.
I’m not sure fun is in my future but miracles do happen.
“You know I still don’t have your phone number.”
“And this is crazy,” I say.
I tell him my number to type into his phone.
“So call me maybe,” I add.
“That’s the idea…”
He doesn’t get it. I don’t think I want him to now.
“I mean, so my phone will get your number without me having to type it in.”
“Right.”
My phone rings but I think he’s had enough—I know I have—so I don’t pretend-answer it. He hangs up.
“Sarah’s a duck? Will I get a special sound, too? Or is that only for certain people?”
“Everyone gets one. That way I know who it is, to see if I should answer right away or if it can wait.”
It’s only after I answer that I realize he probably wanted to be called special. I say, “I’m thinking you’re going to be one of the right-away people.”
“Seems like a lot to remember. What everyone’s sound is.”
“Maybe your contact list is longer than mine. But is it really hard for you to remember what all your friends’ voices sound like? It’s not much different.”
I can hear I sound bitchy but isn’t this obvious? He doesn’t answer.
We head toward the Bio Garden. I vaguely know where it is from last year when I took Bio, but it’s a remote corner I don’t otherwise go to so I let Jason steer. I try not to think about how most of my wanting to be with Jason right now is to avoid Sarah.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Why?”
“You just seem… tired, I guess. Like you usually drink coffee but didn’t today.”
“I’m fine.”
This lie is spreading. And I feel no rising urge to stop it. Jason’s right, I am strangely tired.
“Scott told me everything this morning.”
I don’t reply. I completely forgot about telling Scott yesterday to come clean with Jason. It seems like days ago.
“So I guess I know why you ran out of my car Saturday. I’m sorry about all that.”
“You couldn’t have known. When did you see him?”
“This morning. We’re jogging buddies.”
“He runs?”
“Yeah, he’s on the team with me. We run a three-point-two-mile loop from his house every day before school—we live just a few blocks apart.”
“Oh.”
“I’m kind of pissed at him. We talked awhile after he told me—then I turned around and went home but he kept going. He knows he screwed up; he took off running pretty hard.”
I don’t say anything.
“He should have told me when he heard we were going out.”
“It was years ago… He probably didn’t know I was still… I don’t know…”
“He still likes you.”
“He said that?”
“He didn’t have to. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. Now I know why he can’t stand being around some guys, especially Isaac, who’s kind of a tool anyway. He said you texted him yesterday for the first time in years. That true?”
“Just to clear the air. We hadn’t talked since it happened, and… well… I didn’t have to think about it with him at Jefferson… so it was time. I let him have his say and now it’s done.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“About what?”
“Scott.”
“Because of me? Don’t do anything. If you guys are friends—”
“We are, but… I don’t know… He said he was sorry, but—”
“Don’t stop being friends over this. It’s got nothing to do with you and it’s over. Okay?”
He doesn’t answer. I decide not to push him.
“We better head back,” he says. “The bell’s going to ring.”
I don’t text Sarah that I’m not coming to the cafeteria, I just tell Molly in class that I’m meeting Jason at the track for lunch and let her deliver the news. Molly doesn’t ask me anything all morning but I can tell she knows something’s off kilter. Sarah finds me in the afternoon at my locker but with only a couple minutes between classes we have what sounds like a normal conversation. She tells me no one came to Office Hours and how she wants to hear about my date with Jason, and I say I’ll tell her about it later and then we have to go to class. As we walk away from each other she calls after me to be sure to call her tonight, that she doesn’t want to go another day without knowing, and to call her, okay? This is unusual; we always just call each other naturally without saying up front who’s supposed to call who.