Naked Love(75)

Rolling my lips together to muzzle the pain that’s screaming to be heard, I wipe my tears and nod.

Lautner starts his car. I tap on his window, and he rolls it down.

“I don’t have a phone,” I whisper because anything more than this will involve me vomiting my heart.

He hands me Sydney’s phone. “The code is 870100.”

I swat away more tears and take the phone, giving a quick glance to the black bag in their backseat.

Swarley …

Jake stands on the edge of the curb as I get into the driver’s seat of Sydney’s Lexus. I slip on my sunglasses, fasten my seat belt, and start the engine—but I don’t look his way.

As soon as I back out of this parking spot, I can let go of these emotions. I can try to breathe, even if it hurts. I just need to hold it together for ten more seconds.

Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

I start to back out.

Bang!

I brake.

Jake’s hand is pressed to the window. He closes his eyes and curls it into a fist, his chest expanding like he’s taking all the oxygen from the air. His hand slides to the door handle and he waits, blinking open his eyes and giving me an expectant look.

I put the car in park and unlock the door.

He opens it and emotion fills his eyes. “Why did it have to be you?” His hand cups the back of my head and he kisses me.

Five four three two one.

I release a muffled sob as he kisses me.

Just as quickly as his lips crashed to mine, he peels them away. “Bye, Ave.”





CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO





Sydney and Lautner send me home when we get to L.A., leaving me with a temporary phone and Sydney’s Lexus. They want time alone with the kids to break the news about Swarley. I don’t argue. I’m nothing more than an empty vessel with a pulse. Watching Ocean react to Swarley’s death would end me completely.

“Your stuff is gone.”

I glance back at my neighbor, Dave, as he steps out of his apartment across the hall and locks his door.

“What?” I turn my key and open the door to my empty apartment. A sigh escapes my mouth, a slowly deflating tire. This should cue the tears, but I don’t have any more tears. I gave them to Swarley and Jake. Then I drained the last few drops of salty grief on my way home.

Home.

Where the hell is that?

“Three days ago. That fancy-suited guy of yours arrived with a small moving crew. Everything was gone in just under two hours. Honestly, I was afraid to ask, but I thought maybe something had happened to you. I even checked the obituaries yesterday. Glad you’re not dead.”

“Well, that makes one of us,” I murmur.

“I overheard the manager out here yesterday. They’re changing the locks tomorrow. There goes your deposit.”

I nod, entranced by the emptiness of my apartment.

And my heart.

My life.

It’s numbing. But numb is good at the moment.

“Do you have a place to stay?”

The Lexus. I’m going to sleep in a vehicle, then I’ll stay with Sydney tomorrow, but I’m not going to their house tonight.

Leather seats.

No bugs.

It will be a huge upgrade for me.

“Avery, if you need a place to stay for a few nights, Randy is out of town until next week. You can crash in his room.”

Everything. Anthony took everything.

Jake … well, he took all the intangibles.

“Avery?” Dave dangles a key in front of my face. “Yes? No? You look like a zombie. Listen, it’s up to you, but I have to get to the hospital for a soul-draining twenty-four-hour shift.”

Leather seats versus neighbor’s likely old mattress and a shower.

“Shower,” I whisper.

“What?”

I shake my head, trying to bring it above the surface to keep from drowning in my ugly reality. “Um, yes. Thank you. I’d be so grateful if you’d let me stay tonight. I’ll go to my sister’s tomorrow.”

“Cool.” He hands me the key. “Make yourself at home.”

I muster the closest thing to a smile that my lips can form. “Thank you.” Taking his key with my left hand, I drop my apartment key from my right hand. It clinks on the hard floor.

Dave glances at my discarded key for a few seconds before giving me a sad smile. “Chin up, buttercup. I’ll see you later.”

“Later,” I whisper as he takes the stairs to the main level. Grabbing the one suitcase I brought up with me, I wheel it into Dave’s apartment, shut and lock the door, and collapse onto the sofa. I don’t need a bed or even a shower at the moment. I just need to sleep to escape the pain for a few hours.

*

The next day, we say a final goodbye to Swarley with a proper burial, a tree planted next to him, and lots of tears. Dad and the Deedy arrived last night and stayed at a nearby hotel to give Sydney’s family the privacy they needed to break the news to the kids. They planned on getting married before making the trip to California, but life tends to laugh at plans.

It’s presumptuous of humans to think we have one bit of control over what happens in life. I may be a little angry at the moment.

“We are going to the beach. Lautner took a personal day. Thought it would be a good idea to spend the day with the kids. Take some pictures. I haven’t had my camera out in a long time. Dad and Deedy are staying here, but you should come with us.” Sydney puts the brunch leftovers in the fridge while I wash the dishes, staring out the window at the Deedy standing next to Ocean by Swarley’s grave just beyond the fenced-in pool.