Naked Love(74)

Again, I stop before I go into full defensive mode. I want to scream at him. I didn’t know he was married! But maybe I should have known. Right now I can’t think past the grief and pain, so I question my memory. I wonder if I missed some clues along the way. Did I see Steve how I wanted to see him, instead of how he really was? Did I miss the tan line from a wedding band? Secret texts? Should I have questioned the traveling he did for “business,” or his mother’s supposed cancer diagnosis? The dog? The apartment he rented instead of owning a house? Did I blindly let our relationship be what I wanted it to be instead of what it really was?

“I won’t say anything. And I’m sorry. I—”

“Don’t.” He shakes his head. “She lost a child. Do you get that? How can you be with someone and not make actual connections to their life? Did you meet his ‘sick’ mother? Did you meet his best friend? An uncle? A coworker? The only reason you should have agreed to let me give you a ride was because of my relationship to Deedy. There was a connection. That meant you knew I didn’t have a hidden life. For the love of God, Avery … know something about a man before you crawl into his bed!”

“Don’t!” I shove his chest. “You don’t get to lecture me.” I shove him again, but he doesn’t budge. “You weren’t in my shoes. You fell in love with me. So it shouldn’t be some fucking surprise that maybe someone else did too. It’s not my fault. I didn’t know he was married. Do you have any idea how many men travel to L.A. for business and even own apartments there? YOU own one there!

“I asked about his family. He said his dad died and his mom had cancer. He said he was an only child. I don’t have that many close friends, so I didn’t question him not introducing me to his BFF. And I’m sorry Megan miscarried, but maybe it was somehow meant to be since Steve was cheating on her. She can find someone else and start a family and just …” I press my palms to the side of my head and close my eyes on a long exhale. “Just forget about him.”

When I open my eyes, Jake clenches his fists and his jaw. There’s not forgiveness in his eyes. It wasn’t my fault. Why can’t he see past this?

“She was twenty-two weeks pregnant. He told her about the affair and then he left. She asked him to leave, but still … he fucking left her. Need I say where I suspect he went? The next day, she started bleeding. Over the next twenty-four hours, I was by her side when she lost her child, twelve units of blood, and her uterus when they had to perform a hysterectomy. Then I held her hand while she was in the ICU on life support. I said I was her husband because Steve wasn’t … fucking … there!”

My eyes release one round of tears after another as I remain idle, rooted to the ground, and numb to my bones. I remember the call in the middle of the night. Steve flew out of bed, frantic because his mom had been taken to the hospital and was in the ICU. His mom.

Fuck you, Steve.

I want to say something—anything. This isn’t me. I don’t sleep with married men. I’m probably too materialistic sometimes, and I should spend more time cultivating friendships than looking for the perfect handbag and the perfect man. But I’m not a home-wrecker. I would never knowingly be with a married man. I’m a lot of things, not all of them good, but I am. Not. That. Woman.

I’m not Francine.

“Ave, ready?”

I turn toward Lautner’s voice as he carries …

Oh god …

Swarley’s in a black bag in Lautner’s arms. Sydney silently weeps as she opens the back door to his vehicle. Megan steps outside and wraps her arms around her body. She looks tired and mournful—kind and innocent.

I turn back toward Jake. Before this trip, I would have been a slave to my ego and coddled my wounded pride. I would have bit my tongue and hopped in the vehicle, content with no goodbye. Jaded by yet another failed relationship.

Jake changed things. I’m not that Avery anymore.

The car door behind me closes, and I hear the heart-ripping sob of Sydney.

“We’ll survive this, baby,” Lautner says to her as he gets in on his side.

I don’t have to see them to know that he’s holding her, loving her, and being the one for which all other men should strive to be. He forgave her of so many things. His love never wavered. They were stronger than bad days, bad decisions, and bad timing.

I want a love like that.

Clenching Jake’s shirt in my fists, I lift onto my toes and kiss the angle of his jaw next to his ear. “Thank you.”

He swallows hard, hands limp at his sides. I step back, seeing something resembling true emotion—painful emotion—in his reddening eyes.

I turn and make the five steps to Megan. “Thank you.” I offer my hand to her.

She pulls me in for a hug, squeezing out several tears. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do more.”

My reply can’t wedge its way past the aching heart lodged in my throat, so I just nod and hope she knows I appreciate all she did. I embrace her tighter, praying she’ll remember this moment if Jake ever tells her the truth.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

“I hope we get to spend more time together under better circumstances next time.”

I release her and find a tiny smile. There won’t be a next time. This isn’t a love story. It’s a tragedy of the heart.