NOCTE (Nocte Trilogy #1)(70)

He’s sprawled in the recliner, his eyes closed, his hands gripping the armrests. He’s long and slender and lithe. He’s beautiful and dark and here.

He’s here.

I take a deep breath and blink to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.

He’s still there.

“Dare,” my whisper is throaty and raw. I figure he won’t hear me, but he does. His eyes fly open and meet mine.

And then he’s out of his chair and on his knees next my bed, his forehead pressed to mine.

“Cal,” he says, his lips brushing my skin. “Thank God.”

“How are you here?” I ask in confusion. “Did my dad…”

Dare nods. “You asked him to call me, and he did.”

Bless him. A surge of gratitude rushes through me. “Where is he? Is he with Finn?”

“I don’t know,” Dare answers. “I told him I would sit with you until he came back, though.”

I close my eyes and inhale him, his musky outdoorsy smell. “Don’t leave me,” I tell him. “Please. You promised once, remember?”

He nods. “I do. And I won’t. Don’t tell me to again.”

I nod. I won’t.

He strokes my hand, his fingers smooth. “What do you remember, Cal?”

“Finn made me a plate,” I tell him. “I took three bites and then realized that there were nuts. Pecans.”

Dare closes his eyes. “You’re lucky to be here,” he tells me without opening them. “Your dad said even one nut could kill you. You barely made it to the ER.”

“But I did,” I remind him. “I’m here now. Please don’t let them keep Finn. He didn’t mean to hurt me. I know he didn’t. He would never….”

But Dare sits up and rocks back on his heels. “I don’t know what they’re going to do,” he says vaguely. “It’s not up to me.”

I close my eyes, pain ripping through my chest. “Maybe you were right. Maybe I do need to leave here. Maybe I’m a crutch for him… or maybe I’m even a worry for him. He hates that I’m sad about mom. Maybe he just wanted to end my grief. If I left, he could focus on himself… not on me.”

“And you could focus on yourself,” Dare adds. I open my eyes and his face is so tired, so drawn. I reach out and touch it, my blue hospital bracelet sliding down my forearm. When did I lose weight? My arms are so skinny.

“I trust you,” I blurt suddenly. “I trust you to tell me about yourself whenever you’re ready.”

Dare flinches now. “It’s not about me being ready. It’s just… I can’t add to your burden, Cal. After this, can’t you see that?”

This. My burden. My brother trying to kill me.

Will it never end?

“I’m sorry for all of this,” I tell him quietly as I stare at his tired face. “I’m sorry that my life is crazy.”

He looks around and shudders. “You almost died, Calla.”

“I was handling it,” I defend myself and Finn. “Finn needs me. I was handling it.”

“Were you?” Dare raises an eyebrow. I look away.

“His journal is in my bedroom. As soon as I get out of here, I’ve got to finish it. I just feel, somehow, that it’s the key. I’ve got to read it all.”

Dare stares at me, his gaze as dark as night.

“Are you sure?”

I nod. “I’m positive. I’ve been reading it bits at a time, but it’s time that I finish it. Do you know when they’re letting me out?”

Dare shakes his head. “I don’t know. I think they said maybe in the morning, depending on how you’re doing. You were really upset last night.”

“Of course I was!” I snap. “They’re going to lock my brother away.”

Dare stares at me, sympathetic.

“Do what they say today, and I’m sure they’ll let you out in the morning.”

I nod and he holds my hand.

“What if I decide that I want to move to Berkeley early?” I ask him before I go to sleep.

He squeezes my fingers. “Then I’ll go with you.”

“And if I want to stay here?”

“Then I’ll stay with you.”

“No matter what?”

“No matter what.”

That’s all I need to hear. Peace fills me up and I fall asleep. And in the morning, they let me go.

“I want to ride with Dare,” I tell my father.

Dad stares at me, his eyes at once sad and resigned.

“Ok.”

“And if Dare wants to rent the Carriage House again, I want you to let him.”

He nods.

“Anything else?” His voice is brittle.

“Yes. I love you.” I throw my arms around his neck because even if he interfered where he shouldn’t have, he did it because he loves me. When he pulls away, his eyes are misty.

“Go on, then. I’ll be home after while.”

“Can I see Finn before I go?”

He stares at me regretfully. “I’m afraid not.”

I nod, a lump forming in my throat.

“Will you bring him home with you?”

“I’ll try,” he promises.