NOCTE (Nocte Trilogy #1)(57)

“Don’t be,” he says politely, oddly formal considering I slept all night in his arms. He doesn’t make any kind of move to invite me in, but instead stands planted in the middle of the doorway.

“Well, I am,” I answer back in confusion. “Is something wrong? I can’t help but notice that we’re still standing on the porch.”

He shakes his head. “Of course not. I’m just a bit busy at the moment.”

He’s so cool and detached, sort of aloof. I stare at him, not sure what to say.

“Did you need something?” he prompts me, his eyes glinting in the light.

“I…yeah,” I stammer. I thrust the sheet at him. “I just came to give this back to you. And to get my shorts.”

“Sure. Hang on.”

And I swear to God, he closes the door in my face. I’m still stunned when he re-emerges a few minutes later with my shorts.

“Here you go,” he hands them to me.

I stare at him, never more confused in my life.

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”

His face seems to soften for a minute, then it smooths back into an unreadable mask. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m just busy. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” I say slowly. “I’ll just catch up with you later.” I turn to leave, but pause, turning half-way on the sidewalk.

“Hey, you never said who you were here in Astoria to visit,” I tell him slowly, watching his face for a reaction. “You said you were visiting someone in the hospital, but you never said who.”

He doesn’t miss a beat. He simply nods. “I didn’t, did I?”

And he doesn’t offer it now.

I wait, but there’s nothing. He just steps back inside his house.

“I’ll talk to you later, Calla.”

And then he closes the door.

I’m absolutely stunned as I stare at the wood, frozen on the path.

Everyone has secrets, Calla. That’s what he told me and I guess it’s truer than I realized. The question is, are his secrets important? Should I care about them? Because I’ve got so much to worry about already.

But his contradictions confuse me. His want and his detachment confuse me. His hot blood and cold attitude confuse me. Over the past week, he’s anchored me amid all of this crazy. Is it possible that he just doesn’t want to be that anchor anymore?

My chest feels numb with the thought, because somehow, I’ve come to depend on him already. I depend on him to make me smile, to lift me out of this mire into a world where hope survives.

But he just closed a door in my face and I can’t help but wonder if it was a metaphor for something bigger.

I try and put it out of my mind as I wait for Finn, then drive him into Group. All I can do right now is keep going through the motions, keep my head above water.

Dare doesn’t define me.

That’s going to have to become my new mantra.

I fall sleep with that thought in my head, with the very best of intensions. But I’m awakened at three a.m.

Piano music plays softly, filtering through the house.

Startled, I sit up in bed and look at the clock again.

Yes, it’s the middle of the night.

No, the piano shouldn’t be playing.

I pad down the stairs toward the chapel and with each step, the soft music gets a little louder. When I hit the bottom step, the music stops. Silence seems to echo loudly in my ears as I rush down the hall and round the corner into the room.

The piano seat is empty.

Stunned, I walk numbly to the front, trailing my finger along the empty piano bench.

I know it was playing. I know it’s what woke me. The lid to the keys is open, which is unusual. It’s usually closed when it’s not in use.

And then I smell it.

The barest hint of Dare’s cologne.

My heart in my throat, I look out the window, to see a lamp turned on in his cottage.

He’s still up. He’d been here.

Somehow I know, without anyone having to tell me, that he still wants me as much as I want him, regardless of how cool he’d acted earlier. I don’t know his reasons, and I don’t know his secrets.

But I know one thing as I collapse onto the seat of the piano.

Even though he tried, he couldn’t stay away.





31


TRIGENTA UNUS

Calla



In the morning, I want to go see Dare. But at the same time, I don’t want to be desperate. I don’t want to play games.

The memory of his piano music drifting through my house last night buoys me, though, keeps me from panicking.

He’s trying to do an honorable thing. I feel it in my bones. And just as much, I feel the connection to him, loud and strong, tugging and tugging me toward him. I know he feels it too. And because of that, I can’t let myself worry.

It’ll work out. It has to.

So with a last glance over my shoulder, I walk away from his door, certain that I’ll see him sooner rather than later.

With the sun shining on my shoulders, I decide to take a walk.

I wind through the trails, working my way up toward the cliffs rather than down toward the sea.

When I get to the top, I’m surprised to find Finn sitting too close to the edge.

Startled, I stop, my pink chucks freezing in place.