Mistakes Were Made(106)

She cracked her knuckles. “I’m sorry for lying to you,” she said. “I’m really fucking sorry for lying to you and sorry this whole thing got way bigger than I thought it was and fucked up a lot between us. I can’t really—I can’t say I wish it didn’t happen. Because I’m in a really good place right now. But I wish I hadn’t lied to you about it.”

Parker stared at her. Cassie would like to be on her bike, hugging curves on the backroads up to Nashua. She’d like to be in the lab, even though she’d spent too many hours there this week. She’d like to be under a car in a hot garage, sweaty and covered in grease. She’d like to be pretty much anywhere that wasn’t this bedroom, with her best friend staring at her like she didn’t know her.

But then Parker sighed again, and shifted over on the bed, patting the spot next to her.

“So come tell me about it, and be honest.”

Cassie approached Parker’s bed slowly. “Tell you about me and your mom?”

Parker didn’t even flinch. “Yeah. And I’ll tell you about how I went from wanting to kill you to realizing you were still my friend. Kiss and make up, you know?”

Cassie sat beside Parker on the bed, her legs hanging over the edge, feet on the floor like she might bolt at any moment.

“What do you want to know?” she asked.

“Start at the beginning,” Parker said. “But leave out like, sex stuff, please, God.”

Cassie laughed. “I think I can do that.”

She breathed. And then she explained. Calmly, for the most part. She picked at Parker’s comforter as she talked, eventually swinging her legs up onto the bed and lying down. Staring at the ceiling was easier than looking at Parker’s face.

Parker stayed quiet until Cassie said that she had figured out Cassie had feelings for Erin before Cassie herself had. “What do you mean?”

Cassie closed her eyes. Parker had known she’d been lying to her for months. Parker had known but she had no idea what an idiot Cassie had been.

“I mean I figured out I was into your mom on Monday, Parker.”

“What?” Parker sounded so fucking confused. “Mom said you hadn’t talked about it, but you didn’t even know? When you’ve been—for like months. You sent her Valentine’s Day flowers.”

“I know,” Cassie said. She could feel everything bubbling in the back of her throat, all of the things she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about, all of the ways she’d fucked up. Parker had asked her to be honest, and she was going to be fucking honest. “Acacia kept trying to tell me there was something there, and looking back on it, I look like a complete fucking moron, right? We texted daily, sent each other pictures every day. We made dinner together while FaceTiming. It’s fucking ridiculous that I didn’t figure my shit out.” She paused. Took a breath. “But I couldn’t be dating my best friend’s mom. I couldn’t want to date her. We were friends with benefits, that’s what I kept telling Kaysh. And that’s what I thought, honestly. Because the last time I dated, I got my heart crushed. Because she’s your mom. Because we live hundreds of miles apart. It’s so complicated it was easier just to think we were friends with benefits. No stakes. No one could get hurt.”

Cassie swallowed. She refused to blink. She’d been so stupid about everything. Acacia had warned her it was all going to blow up in her face and she’d ignored her. Cassie had spent months being so stupid and hurting her best friend. Both her best friends.

Parker uncrossed her legs and lay down next to Cassie. She bumped their shoulders together, caught Cassie’s hand.

“I hated you,” she said, and Cassie laughed, didn’t reach to wipe the tears that fell so Parker might not notice them. “I did. I hated you for it. Because she’s my mom and because you lied and because it felt like you didn’t care about me.”

“No, Parker, I—”

“I let you talk,” Parker said. “It’s my turn.”

Cassie nodded.

“Acacia tried to tell me you had feelings for her but so what? You were a shitty friend and I was so mad. And dating Sam gave me an easy excuse to not hang out with you. I wanted to make you feel as crappy as I did, even while Kaysh tried to get me to give you a chance. How was I supposed to broach that subject? ‘Hey, I know you’re banging my mom, but I want to give you a chance to explain yourself’?” Parker chuckled. “Though I guess that’s where we are right now, huh?”

Cassie squeezed Parker’s hand. “I wouldn’t have done a good job then, anyway. Back when I thought we were friends with benefits.”

“You think if I had asked earlier you’d have figured it out earlier?”

“God, I don’t know.” Probably not, to be honest. Cassie had been committed to her ignorance.

“Well, regardless. I’m glad you did eventually,” Parker said. She took a breath. “Back then, I hated you, but I missed you, too. And Acacia wore me down. And so, I came up with a plan to figure out if you actually cared about my mom or if you were just fucking her. To see if you’d fuck someone else who I knew you were into.”

Things clicked into place in Cassie’s head. “Gwen.”

“Gwen,” Parker confirmed. “When you turned down Gwen, I figured this thing with my mom was real.”