Mistakes Were Made(101)

“I’d love to be,” Cassie said. “But it’d be a little too much pot calling the kettle, so nah.”

“That’s very mature of you.”

“Yeah, I’m trying.” Didn’t feel like she was mature enough for Erin, though. “Except I did basically run away from Erin and Parker because I got overwhelmed.”

“That’s okay,” Kaysh said without an ounce of judgment.

Things had gotten, if not scary, then at least intense, and Cassie had fled. Then again, when had she done anything else? This spring, she’d let Parker pull away from their friendship with almost no fight. And at the beginning of the school year, when her friend group had chosen Seth, she’d just … let them. It was easier to let people go than to admit you wanted them in your life. At least that way you wouldn’t have to chance rejection.

The only thing Cassie had ever admitted to wanting was Caltech. But that was …

Caltech had always been her dream, but not for the school itself. It was about getting away from home, from anyone who looked at her with pity. It was about a whole new life, sunshine and palm trees and no one who even knew enough about her to pity her. She’d been trying to run away from her life since she literally ran away from her mom’s trailer at twelve. She’d slept on the floor of Acacia’s closet and they’d told no one where she was. It was three days before her mom had even realized she was gone. The Webbs bought Acacia a trundle bed after that.

Cassie didn’t want to escape anymore.

She’d found a life worth staying for.

“You wanna talk about it?” Acacia asked.

She did. She wanted Acacia to tell her what to do. How to handle this. How to fix it. Kaysh would know. She had always been better with people than Cassie.

But Cassie needed to figure it out herself. She’d gotten herself into this mess. Acacia had already done enough work getting her out of it with Parker. If Cassie wanted to stay, she had to prove it.

“I think I gotta do this one on my own, babe.” She doubted herself even as she said it.

“It’s okay to need other people, you know?”

“Good, ’cause I’d be a fucking disaster without you.”

“We’re both disasters anyway,” Acacia said. “But you got this, okay?”

Cassie tried to believe her. “Okay.”

Her phone buzzed in her hand. She switched Kaysh to speaker to check her messages.

Parker [6:34 PM]

You okay?

Cassie stared at the text. She had no idea if she was okay. She answered with what she knew.

Cassie [6:34 PM]

I’m sorry for lying to you

Parker [6:34 PM]

Thank you

“You gonna pick me up at the airport tomorrow with Parker?” Acacia asked.

“She just texted actually,” Cassie said. “I’m still pretty fucking lost on how she doesn’t hate me, but it seems like she doesn’t, so yeah, I’ll be there tomorrow.”

The last six months of her life had been turned upside down in the past week. All of it—what she’d been doing with Erin, what happened between her and Parker, all the shit she’d put Acacia through. But she was on the other side of it now. And she still had Acacia to give her a pep talk over the phone. She still had Parker texting her to check in.

Parker [6:35 PM]

We’ll talk about it tomorrow, yeah? Rn I gotta go calm my dad down, and you’re gonna go back to my mom’s, right?

Did Cassie still have Erin? Maybe she could, if she actually talked to her about it.

“I should probably head back to Erin’s,” Cassie said, sending a text to Parker along the same lines.

“You know what you’re gonna say?”

Cassie didn’t. “Not yet.”

“You got this,” Acacia said again.

“I’ll figure it out, anyway.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“Fuck yeah.”

No matter what happened the rest of the night, tomorrow Cassie was going to go with one of her best friends to pick up the other for a long weekend. Things weren’t all bad.

After hanging up, Cassie didn’t give herself time to second-guess before getting back on her bike. But she didn’t head straight to Erin’s. She didn’t want to show up empty-handed. Plus, a longer ride meant more time to figure out what the hell she was going to do.

Because she could do this. She could admit to wanting Erin. Make herself vulnerable. Ask for something she wanted. Risk having to see Erin’s face when she said no.

Maybe Erin didn’t want to be with her. Cassie didn’t know—she’d heard what Erin said to Rachel, but she hadn’t heard the entire conversation. Maybe she’d missed something. She must’ve, since Erin hadn’t disagreed when Parker had said they were dating.

Cassie tried not to talk herself out of it. Erin liked her. She liked her enough to look for apartments for her. She liked her enough to sleep with her, even when that should’ve fucked up her relationship with Parker. She liked her enough to drive an hour and a half to surprise her, just because she’d had a long day.

Liking her and wanting to date her were different things, of course, just like Cassie had been telling Acacia. But they were in the same galaxy, following similar orbits. Cassie just had to figure out how to get them to collide.