Maybe Someday(62)

expression apologetic and nervous. My heart

drops to my stomach at the mere sight of him.

It’s been weeks since I last laid eyes on him. I

was beginning to forget what he looked like.

His dark hair is longer since I last saw him,

and it reminds me that I’m always the one to

schedule his hair appointments. The fact that he

hasn’t even bothered to make his own appoint-

ment makes him that much more pathetic to me.

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“Should I give Tori the number for your

barber? Your hair looks awful.”

The mention of Tori’s name makes him grim-

ace. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m not jumping

back into his arms that’s causing that regretful

expression on his face.

“You look good,” he says, capping his words

off with a smile.

“I am good,” I say, not sure if I’m lying to him or not.

He runs a free hand over his jaw and turns

away from me, appearing to regret the fact that

he’s here.

How is he here? How does he even know

where I live?

“How did you know where to find me?” I ask,

tilting my head in curiosity.

I see the split-second shift of his eyes as they

glance across the courtyard toward Tori’s apart-

ment. It’s obvious he doesn’t want me to notice

what’s going on in his mind, because it would

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only shed light on the fact that he’s still visiting

Tori on a regular basis.

“Can we talk?” he asks, his voice void of the


confidence I’ve always known him to have.

“If I let you in and convince you it’s over, will

you promise to stop texting me?”

He barely nods his head, so I step aside, and he

walks into the living room. I walk to the dining-

room table and pull out a chair, making it obvi-

ous that he’s not making himself comfortable by

sitting on the couch. He walks toward the table as

his eyes work their way around the room, more

than likely in search of information on who lives

here with me.

He grips the back of the chair and pulls it out

slowly while his eyes focus on a pair of Ridge’s

shoes tucked beside the couch. I like that he no-

ticed them.

“Are you living here now?” he asks, his voice

tight and controlled.

“For now,” I say, my voice even more con-

trolled. I’m proud of myself for keeping calm,

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because I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t

hurt to see him. I gave him two years of my life,

and all the things I felt for him can’t just be cut

off at once. Feelings take time to disappear, so

they’re still here. They’re just mixed and swirled

together with a hell of a lot of hatred now. It’s

confusing to feel this way when I see him, be-

cause I never thought I could dislike the man in

front of me. I never thought he would betray me

the way he did.

“Do you think that’s safe? Just moving in with

some strange guy you barely know?” He’s eyeing

me disapprovingly as he takes his seat, as if he

has the right to judge any part of my life.

“You and Tori didn’t leave me much choice,

did you? I found myself screwed over and home-

less on my birthday. If anything, I would think

you should be congratulating me for handling it

all so well. You sure as hell can’t sit here and

judge me.”

He huffs, then leans forward over the table and

closes his eyes, pressing the palms of his hands

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against his forehead. “Sydney, please. I didn’t

come here to fight or make excuses. I came here

to tell you how sorry I am.”

If there’s one thing I’d like to hear from him,

it’s an apology. If there are two things I’d like to hear, it’s an apology followed by a good-bye.

“Well, you’re here now,” I say quietly. “Have

at it. Tell me how sorry you are.” My voice isn’t

confident anymore. In fact, I want to punch my-

self, because it sounds really sad and heart-

broken, and that’s the last thing I want him to

think I feel.

“I’m sorry, Sydney,” he says, spitting the

words out fast and desperately. “I’m so, so sorry.

I know it won’t make it better, but things have al-

ways been different between Tori and me. We’ve

known each other for years, and I know it’s not

an excuse, but our relationship was sexual before

you even met us. But that’s all it was. It was just

sex, and once you were in the picture, neither of

us could figure out how to just put a stop to

something that had been going on between us for

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years. I know this doesn’t make sense, but what I